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stronger08 posted 6/15/2013 03:29 AM

Well, I went back to IC Wednesday night. Some good news and some bad. Good news is that I went. Bad news is that my IC who has literally saved my life over the years is moving her practice. The new location will be a hardship to get to. But she said that's not happening for 2 months so I have that time to see her. We spoke about my problems finding someone who I can have a successful relationship with. She feels that I'm attracting bad candidates because I'm afraid to step outside my comfort zone. That I need to broaden my horizon's so to speak. She put it this way. "If you go to bars to meet women chances are your going to meet a person with drinking issues" If you go to the library to meet women you will probably meet women who like to read. etc" She thinks I need to step outside my comfort zone and try new things. She suggested I take up a new hobby or volunteer someplace where there are more people. My problem is that I kind of like guy things to occupy my time. I do have a friend who belongs to this bowling league. Not that I'm into bowling per se. But he says there are lots of women there. Maybe something along those lines. She also told me to stop worrying about meeting someone. That I'm putting too much pressure in myself and that is coming through when I meet people. She said she can feel it herself when I describe my frustrations. In any event I'll try the bowling thing out a bit. And I think I'm going to stop trying and just be. But I'm damn lonely these days. I see all the assholes with some good women. I try hard to be a nice guy. I try to be a gentleman and I feel I'm a good catch. All my female friends say that I am. Back in day before I got M I liked to consider myself a ladies man. Had NP meeting women. But back then I could care less about their feelings. It was all about me. I'm not that same guy. I actually care about others feelings these days. This midlife dating shit is hard. But I must persevere.

SBB posted 6/15/2013 04:58 AM

Yay for the good news. Boo for the bad news.

I see all the assholes with some good women.

Me too.

I am currently breaking a habit of being predominantly interested in love bombers. I cannot believe how many there are around!

Very good point about meeting people in bars. I haven't actually thought of that before but its true.

kernel posted 6/15/2013 11:23 AM

Well bummer on your IC moving. I'm glad she is able to work with you in the short term.

I concur on the bar thing. It's hard to come up with other places to meet people when you live in a small town. I don't do bars and I'm not a church-goer. There's not much else going on in a small town. Makes me consider OLD but that just doesn't feel right, at least not yet. So like you said, outside the comfort zone.

Good luck to you on the new adventures.

This midlife dating shit is hard.

Word. At least you're out there trying!

persevere posted 6/15/2013 12:29 PM

The positive is you saw your IC and you still have two months with her.

I have a hard time stepping out of my comfort zone sometimes. Are you into any activities like running or softball, etc? One of the fun parts of the 5K obstacle races is the party like atmosphere at the end, could be a good place to meet someone. (Though many women are not looking their best at that Softball is a guy thing but a lot of women participate and watch so a softball tournament could be a good place. Just throwing some thoughts out there.

You'll get there stronger, you seem to be very good at progressing and moving forward in your life. I'm a few years behind you in this process, and I find that lately I often just feel stuck. So I admire that quality.

Let us know how bowling goes!

[This message edited by persevere at 12:30 PM, June 15th (Saturday)]

cayc posted 6/15/2013 14:05 PM

Stepping outside of your comfort zone doesn't just mean finding new activities, it means shifting your perspective about the women you are already meeting. That woman that isn't physically attractive to you at first glance? Why not talk to her?

When it comes to dating, if all you do is look for your "type", that woman who outwardly ticks all the boxes for what you think an SO should be, then yes, you are playing to your comfort zone & making the same error repeatedly.

I don't think you need new activities, I think you should just start talking to those women you normally overlook. And then prepare to have your mind blown bc that's the person who's going to shock you & rock your world bc she is so unusual, so not what you thought, so unique that you can't believe you never took the time to look for her.

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