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BWs: How are you handling father's day

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Bravenewgirl posted 6/15/2013 05:58 AM

Its the first father's day since d-day (almost a year ago). Normally, I would go all out (breakfast in bed, gift, mushy card, special dinner etc). My generosity and efforts over the years have been repaid with the gift of an adulterous fucker of a WH.

So this year, meh. Am tempted to just let DS give him the father's day craft he made in school and be done with it.

On the other hand, there is a groupon for a half hour test drive in a Ferarri, which I know he would love.

What are you all doing for your WH's for father's day? A necktie? Divorce papers? Divorce papers wrapped in a neck tie?

seekingtomorrow posted 6/15/2013 06:01 AM

seems we're all in a smialr mind, its been playing on my mind all week and then theres been two threads on here today about it,, glad im not alone. I was really stressing about fathers day, no sure which way o go but after talking with my wh we won't be celebrating this year, hes feeling very ashamed at the moment, struggling with the feelings tat the deceit is on-going as people look at him and think he's a good guy and he doesn't fee a good guy, all in all the idea of fathers day is overwhelming for him as well.

LivinginLimbo posted 6/15/2013 07:27 AM

He's taking me and our youngest out to brunch.

41andthankful posted 6/15/2013 07:45 AM

[This message edited by 41andthankful at 7:23 AM, June 28th (Friday)]

windowsnotwalls posted 6/15/2013 07:50 AM

Yeah, I used to go all out too. It's a trigger day for me. Last year, I got nothing for Mother's Day, not even a "Happy Mother's Day". Father's Day still got him gifts, made the day special for him. Then found out in October during disclosure about the PAs that had been taking place starting around Mother's Day continuing through Labor Day.

I recognize it's a triggery day for me. So, I'm spending it with friends. I focused on positive things. My dad, for one. He's amazing, and the shining example of what a father should be. So I made sure to get him a gift, and make the day about MY father. Also, I am making dinner and having a special day with my neighbor. She and I pretty much raise our kids together with very little presence from the men, so why not honor her as "the other parent"? I'm working to turn the day from a trigger to a gratitude day for those in my life that are truly helpful with raising the kids. Hopefully, next year it won't be so triggery for me.

Kelany posted 6/15/2013 08:20 AM

Its a trigger day for me since I found the first thing that would indicate his A. He lied of course, but deep down I knew. Dday was July 8.

needrespect posted 6/15/2013 09:22 AM

Last year I pulled out all the stops and he repaid me by sleeping with his HO. This year I told him that his gift is the fact That I am still here. He said he will take it.

TrustGone posted 6/15/2013 09:39 AM

I'm not. We have no children together as this is the second marriage for both of us (actually my 3rd-married XWH#1 twice...What a stupid move that was). All our children are very selfish and will call, but never do anything for us on Mother's or Father's Day, so I guess he will get nothing. I used to get him a card and present when we first married. Then he started saying I wasn't his Mother, so I got nothing, so I stopped getting him anything. We will be spending the day with his sweet elderly father. Now that is a man that deserves a wonderful Father's Day. He is 85, has 8 kids, and always made sure his family was taken care of. No addictions, hard worker, and never a cheater. Where did those type of men go????? I can't seem to find one anymore.

twodoves posted 6/15/2013 09:44 AM

I got WH something from our kids. Nothing big. He reads the forums, so i'm not going to post exactly what it was.

There's absolutely no way i would go all out for him tomorrow. He gets something from our kids, that's it.

solus sto posted 6/15/2013 09:59 AM

I'm leaving it to the kids who, as far as I know, are doing nothing more than (maybe) texting. I don't have the resources to subsidize his holiday,and he certainly never paid mine any attention.

In limbo? No way would I get a Ferrari test drive. That's for a man who's working hard to be the father and husband he should have been all along.

ETA: I thought of SI as I stood in front of the Father's Day cards at the grocery store yesterday. For a brief moment, my conditioning had me prepared to leaf through the cards, "for the kids."

It passed.

[This message edited by solus sto at 8:58 AM, June 16th (Sunday)]

sunshine226 posted 6/15/2013 10:59 AM

WH is still living with OW and her son, let them take care of Father's day, after all he traded me and his biological children for them so we dont even matter to him anymore.

This is the second Father's day he's been with them, last year I wished him HFD but not this year.

DS has nothing to do with WH and DD only calls him when she wants money. Other than that, NOTHING

Been 12 weeks since we've seen him now

Must Survive posted 6/15/2013 11:20 AM

Zip, nada, nothing for STBXH.
He has a whole new family. They can reward him for his actions.
DS15 last year did nothing last year. And this year I said once when fathers day was. Its up to him if he does anything for his father.

allfalldown posted 6/15/2013 11:31 AM

He gets a card from the kids only this year. No gift. I suggested he take the kids and do something with them. Now, how to spend an afternoon by myself...

I did make a comment that this is what being divorced looks like on Father's Day

RidingHealingRd posted 6/16/2013 02:55 AM

What are you all doing for your WH's for father's day?

Nothing, he's not my father. Let my adult children tend to this occasion if they care to.

dmari posted 6/16/2013 03:09 AM

I'm with a couple of other posters ~ I'm doing nothing but I'll assume his girlfriend and her son will do something. My children and I were also replaced so "eh" )))shrug(((

I will be celebrating FD with my dad who truly is deserving! I am also celebrating FD for me since this is my first FD as mom/dad! He has not been in their life since he left so I am honored to take on that title.

Notmetoo2011 posted 6/16/2013 05:52 AM

This year I decided to leave it up to our children to get SAfWH a gift on their own. (That is that is exactly what he did for Mother's Day this year so I guess it's tit for tat.). In previous years I would always go out with them and help them pick out a nice card and gift. Our youngest is 14 so I figure at this point they should be able to get together and get a gift by themselves. I did give them a few suggestions but that was it.

abigailadams posted 6/16/2013 07:02 AM

I helped my DD, 8, make something for my stbx. It is about her. He did not help her in anyway with Mother's Day and I saw her struggle with what to do. She did great though! She gave me three coupons-one for a hug, one for breakfast in bed, one for a smooth bedtime with no dawdling.

karmahappens posted 6/16/2013 07:05 AM

On the other hand, there is a groupon for a half hour test drive in a Ferarri, which I know he would love.

Step away from the Groupon BNG....

Athena1979 posted 6/16/2013 08:13 AM

I got nothing for mothers day, he gets nothing for fathers day.

Used to do special things for him. Not anymore.

I like dmari's idea of it being more my day, anyway, since I also play role of dad.

Just because he has a penis doesn't make him a dad.

Skye posted 6/16/2013 08:48 AM

I happen to believe cheating is more than just between the couple. My husband, the cheater, imho, cheated on all of us. I don't think a cheater should be honored on father's/mother's day. If our children choose to forgive him and honor him, that's their decision. I've put this holiday on "ignore."

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