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Topic: BWs: How are you handling father's day

Bravenewgirl
♀ 36267
Member # 36267

Posted: 5:58 AM, June 15th (Saturday), 2013

Its the first father's day since d-day (almost a year ago). Normally, I would go all out (breakfast in bed, gift, mushy card, special dinner etc). My generosity and efforts over the years have been repaid with the gift of an adulterous fucker of a WH.

So this year, meh. Am tempted to just let DS give him the father's day craft he made in school and be done with it.

On the other hand, there is a groupon for a half hour test drive in a Ferarri, which I know he would love.

What are you all doing for your WH's for father's day? A necktie? Divorce papers? Divorce papers wrapped in a neck tie?

Don't come around here no more
-Tom Petty

Posts: 666 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Canada

seekingtomorrow
♀ 39068
Member # 39068

Posted: 6:01 AM, June 15th (Saturday), 2013

seems we're all in a smialr mind, its been playing on my mind all week and then theres been two threads on here today about it,, glad im not alone. I was really stressing about fathers day, no sure which way o go but after talking with my wh we won't be celebrating this year, hes feeling very ashamed at the moment, struggling with the feelings tat the deceit is on-going as people look at him and think he's a good guy and he doesn't fee a good guy, all in all the idea of fathers day is overwhelming for him as well.

D-day 1 august 1st 2012
D-day 2 October 31st 2012
D-day 3 September 10th 2015

Posts: 100 | Registered: Apr 2013

LivinginLimbo
♀ 35004
Member # 35004

Posted: 7:27 AM, June 15th (Saturday), 2013

He's taking me and our youngest out to brunch.

BS - 65
WH - 63
Married 37 years

D-Day 2/12/12
D-Day 6/1/16 Caught him back online early enough that no physical contact took place but still devastating. This sucks.

Posts: 1227 | Registered: Mar 2012

41andthankful
♀ 38650
Member # 38650

Posted: 7:45 AM, June 15th (Saturday), 2013

[This message edited by 41andthankful at 7:23 AM, June 28th (Friday)]

Posts: 247 | Registered: Mar 2013

windowsnotwalls
♀ 36983
Member # 36983

Posted: 7:50 AM, June 15th (Saturday), 2013

Yeah, I used to go all out too. It's a trigger day for me. Last year, I got nothing for Mother's Day, not even a "Happy Mother's Day". Father's Day still got him gifts, made the day special for him. Then found out in October during disclosure about the PAs that had been taking place starting around Mother's Day continuing through Labor Day.

I recognize it's a triggery day for me. So, I'm spending it with friends. I focused on positive things. My dad, for one. He's amazing, and the shining example of what a father should be. So I made sure to get him a gift, and make the day about MY father. Also, I am making dinner and having a special day with my neighbor. She and I pretty much raise our kids together with very little presence from the men, so why not honor her as "the other parent"? I'm working to turn the day from a trigger to a gratitude day for those in my life that are truly helpful with raising the kids. Hopefully, next year it won't be so triggery for me.

Me (34): BF, weekly IC through giveanhour.org
Him (34): WF, PTSD Marine, beginning EMDR
Praying my way through each day.
Content (Philippians 4: 11b-13)

Posts: 613 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Pittsburgh, PA

Kelany
♀ 34755
Member # 34755

Posted: 8:20 AM, June 15th (Saturday), 2013

Its a trigger day for me since I found the first thing that would indicate his A. He lied of course, but deep down I knew. Dday was July 8.

BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking

Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012

needrespect
♀ 37951
Member # 37951

Posted: 9:22 AM, June 15th (Saturday), 2013

Last year I pulled out all the stops and he repaid me by sleeping with his HO. This year I told him that his gift is the fact That I am still here. He said he will take it.

BS-me 45
WH-40
married 11 yrs, together 15
DS13 DS9
Dday May 2012 EA
False R... Dday#2 11/30/2012 PA same MOW

The opposite of love is not hate ... It is indifference.
Status:%$$&^&^$#@@
seems I'm on the 15 year plan

Posts: 73 | Registered: Dec 2012

TrustGone
♀ 36654
Member # 36654

Posted: 9:39 AM, June 15th (Saturday), 2013

I'm not. We have no children together as this is the second marriage for both of us (actually my 3rd-married XWH#1 twice...What a stupid move that was). All our children are very selfish and will call, but never do anything for us on Mother's or Father's Day, so I guess he will get nothing. I used to get him a card and present when we first married. Then he started saying I wasn't his Mother, so I got nothing, so I stopped getting him anything. We will be spending the day with his sweet elderly father. Now that is a man that deserves a wonderful Father's Day. He is 85, has 8 kids, and always made sure his family was taken care of. No addictions, hard worker, and never a cheater. Where did those type of men go????? I can't seem to find one anymore.

Me-53 XWH#2-54 NPD, alcoholic
M-11yrs T-12yrs LTA-5yrs D-8/11/15
11/28/14 "Assault with a deadly weapon" and is now with OW
"A person is either an asset or a lesson"
"Changing who you are with does not change who you are"

Posts: 6833 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas

twodoves
♀ 39181
Member # 39181

Posted: 9:44 AM, June 15th (Saturday), 2013

I got WH something from our kids. Nothing big. He reads the forums, so i'm not going to post exactly what it was.

There's absolutely no way i would go all out for him tomorrow. He gets something from our kids, that's it.

Me - BS
Him - WS (N3v3rG1v1ngUp)
Together 7 years, married for 2
He was cheating for 5 years
5 OW
D-days: 4/23/13, 4/27/13, 5/10/13
1 toddler, baby girl on the way in December

Posts: 160 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Illinois

solus sto
♀ 30989
Member # 30989

Posted: 9:59 AM, June 15th (Saturday), 2013

I'm leaving it to the kids who, as far as I know, are doing nothing more than (maybe) texting. I don't have the resources to subsidize his holiday,and he certainly never paid mine any attention.

In limbo? No way would I get a Ferrari test drive. That's for a man who's working hard to be the father and husband he should have been all along.

ETA: I thought of SI as I stood in front of the Father's Day cards at the grocery store yesterday. For a brief moment, my conditioning had me prepared to leaf through the cards, "for the kids."

It passed.

[This message edited by solus sto at 8:58 AM, June 16th (Sunday)]

BS-me, 54; WH (Trac-fone), 55, PD---divorcing
So much for the past and present. The future is called "perhaps," which is the only possible thing to call the future. And the important thing is not to let that scare you--Tennessee Williams

Posts: 14316 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest

sunshine226
♀ 38851
Member # 38851

Posted: 10:59 AM, June 15th (Saturday), 2013

WH is still living with OW and her son, let them take care of Father's day, after all he traded me and his biological children for them so we dont even matter to him anymore.

This is the second Father's day he's been with them, last year I wished him HFD but not this year.

DS has nothing to do with WH and DD only calls him when she wants money. Other than that, NOTHING

Been 12 weeks since we've seen him now

Me-BS (44)
Him-WS (47)
DDay 1/1/2012, common law for 22 1/2 years when he began A in September 2011
Status: moving on without him

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2013

Must Survive
♀ 34533
Member # 34533

Posted: 11:20 AM, June 15th (Saturday), 2013

Zip, nada, nothing for STBXH.
He has a whole new family. They can reward him for his actions.
DS15 last year did nothing last year. And this year I said once when fathers day was. Its up to him if he does anything for his father.

Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorced-Let my new beginning start

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." — Daenerys Targaryen

Posts: 1049 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive

allfalldown
♀ 39324
Member # 39324

Posted: 11:31 AM, June 15th (Saturday), 2013

He gets a card from the kids only this year. No gift. I suggested he take the kids and do something with them. Now, how to spend an afternoon by myself...

I did make a comment that this is what being divorced looks like on Father's Day

Dday 5-10-13
1 year + EA/PA (still TT)
Me- BW
Him- WH
M- 15 years
2 kiddos
Today's forecast is foggy with a chance of D.

"Better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie"

Posts: 58 | Registered: May 2013 | From: hell on earth

RidingHealingRd
♀ 33867
Member # 33867

Posted: 2:55 AM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013

What are you all doing for your WH's for father's day?

Nothing, he's not my father. Let my adult children tend to this occasion if they care to.

ME: 55 BS
HIM: 63 WH
Married: 30 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 5+ years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.

Posts: 2383 | Registered: Nov 2011

dmari
♀ 37215
Member # 37215

Posted: 3:09 AM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013

I'm with a couple of other posters ~ I'm doing nothing but I'll assume his girlfriend and her son will do something. My children and I were also replaced so "eh" )))shrug(((

I will be celebrating FD with my dad who truly is deserving! I am also celebrating FD for me since this is my first FD as mom/dad! He has not been in their life since he left so I am honored to take on that title.

I SURVIVED infidelity. Me 45, DD 21, DS 17
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2842 | Registered: Oct 2012

Notmetoo2011
♀ 32912
Member # 32912

Posted: 5:52 AM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013

This year I decided to leave it up to our children to get SAfWH a gift on their own. (That is that is exactly what he did for Mother's Day this year so I guess it's tit for tat.). In previous years I would always go out with them and help them pick out a nice card and gift. Our youngest is 14 so I figure at this point they should be able to get together and get a gift by themselves. I did give them a few suggestions but that was it.

Me-BW 49
SAWH 51
Married 27 years.
4 children
D-Day 26/07/11
Multiple PAs, ONS, Porn
In limbo land

Posts: 299 | Registered: Jul 2011

abigailadams
♀ 37556
Member # 37556

Posted: 7:02 AM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013

I helped my DD, 8, make something for my stbx. It is about her. He did not help her in anyway with Mother's Day and I saw her struggle with what to do. She did great though! She gave me three coupons-one for a hug, one for breakfast in bed, one for a smooth bedtime with no dawdling.

Me BS 55
Him WS 53
Married 10 years together 13
DDay October 11, 2012

Posts: 134 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Brooklyn, NY

karmahappens
♀ 35846
Member # 35846

Posted: 7:05 AM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013

On the other hand, there is a groupon for a half hour test drive in a Ferarri, which I know he would love.

Step away from the Groupon BNG....

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3993 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts

Athena1979
♀ 39393
Member # 39393

Posted: 8:13 AM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013

I got nothing for mothers day, he gets nothing for fathers day.

Used to do special things for him. Not anymore.

I like dmari's idea of it being more my day, anyway, since I also play role of dad.

Just because he has a penis doesn't make him a dad.

Married 11/11/11
2 kids
D-day 12/27/12
D-day 4/12/13
D-day 6/26/13
You know perfectly that you can only change what you accept....never forget that there are two kinds of pain, the one that hurts and the one that makes you change.

Posts: 245 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Athena1979

Skye
325
Member # 325

Posted: 8:48 AM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013

I happen to believe cheating is more than just between the couple. My husband, the cheater, imho, cheated on all of us. I don't think a cheater should be honored on father's/mother's day. If our children choose to forgive him and honor him, that's their decision. I've put this holiday on "ignore."

Posts: 5661 | Registered: Jul 2002

Topic Posts: 41

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