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mainlyinpain posted 6/15/2013 14:25 PM

I am on DD3 with BH and OW. All times I found out myself. After second time he made a phone call to her ending it. He said later that he was all nervous and didn't say things he wanted to say like how he wanted to be with me. After third time I tell him that as we are making NC letter and he gives me a few sentences about what he wished he had said before. I also add a few sentences that he very much agrees with.
I want him to hand write letter and he does but for me it is very messy and I would never recognize the handwriting as his. Especially how he signs his name and writes her name. I mean, I think he misspells her name! I know it should start with a Chr but he starts it with a Cr. I think he is disguising his writing but he hotly denies it. I think this is worthless to send and am very unhappy about it. He is on a fishing trip with son and has said he will rewrite it when he gets back but still insists he has written the name with a Cr. Everywhere I have seen her name it starts with a Chr. Is he trying to keep this option open? Should I wait and see the new one he writes? We have agreed that he can print the body of the letter because that he how he writes 95% of the time, and sign his name but I am concernied. He had in the beginning said that he didn't need to write it as they had stopped calling each other and he had thrown away his gogo phone but then he had agreed that letter was necessary. They only ever communicated through the phone. Am scared that this is not true R. Don't know if I am being gaslighted.

thisissogross posted 6/15/2013 22:48 PM

((Mainlyinpain)) sorry you're dealing with all this. (And that it took a bit for a response-it's slow here on the weekends sometimes) I didn't find si for a while after dday and while nc had been established to my satisfaction-it wasn't via an official no contact letter. Since they'd been out of touch so long when I encountered the concept, I let it go rather than ask that he contact her again.

So, I'm not exactly speaking from personal experience. However, it seems to me that THE most important thing about a nc letter (aside from it being extremely clear and concise in it's message) is that the betrayed spouse be entirely satisfied with it. Entirely satisfied and comfortable with what it communicates and how. Otherwise, it's kind of just one more opportunity for 'them' to open a conversation. So, by all means, edit to your heart's content and settle for no less than what you need.

Hope you all can get this figured out. Best wishes.

[This message edited by thisissogross at 10:51 PM, June 15th (Saturday)]

Gr8Lady posted 6/15/2013 23:13 PM

Are you in MC ?
What is your gut feeling telling you?
Don't confuse what you want to occur with what WS may be doing to soothe the situation.
My WS was a master at defusing the situation, while lying to OW and me

Sorry for your situation, don't ignore your feelings.... Listen to your heart.

mainlyinpain posted 6/16/2013 02:35 AM

My gut tells me that he disguised his handwriting. I will see how he does the new one and if he still disguises it then I will know. He wants her to think it wasn't him writing it. But he is just so convincing that I doubt myself.

catlover50 posted 6/16/2013 04:53 AM

If he has never written her how would she know his handwriting? Just asking.

The proof will be in how willing he is to redo the letter to your satisfaction.

Hugs to you; this stuff is awful.

mainlyinpain posted 6/16/2013 10:43 AM

Well I know he has given her cards, but he is also a professional who "helped" her with her divorce so she would also have a lot of business related writings from him. I feel so jerked around, from will do anything, to disguising his handwriting. There is also the possibility that he just wrote it fast and was upset when writing it which is one thing but his signature being unrecognizable to me and his what I would believe misspelling her name? Heart plummets at that.