[This message edited by DoneWithLove at 5:07 PM, June 15th (Saturday)]
I am so sorry that you find yourself here! No one deserves to be betrayed.
Without knowing your D-Date, I suspect that you are relatively new. I would recommend that you give yourself at least 6 months to a year before you make a definitive decision. It is very difficult to make a good decision when there is so much emotion churning around. Focus on taking care of yourself and your children. Go to the Healing Library and read about the 180. You might consider doing this.
It is hard to predict if your WH can change or not. If the two of you can get MC and either one or both get IC, there is hope.
Give yourself some time!
I think I am done too. The future is looking brighter without my cheating husband. Finding peace is my main goal right now. I choose not to deal with him doing this again. I choose me.
"Better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie"
Dishonesty. The one thing I wanted was no more lies. Please...stop lying to me. If you love me, if you really loved me, you wouldn't lie to me.
Those wicked lies that pass through your lips sounds like silence to me. You might, as well, say nothing at all, because none of its true.
friends wife lasting 10 years. TT over a
year a year. Now his health is declining,
among the lack of communication.
In addition to the transparency, is he willing to talk about the affair(s) as often as you need to and answer all of your questions, or is he defensive?
Is he in IC? Working on the FOO issues that likely led to his selfish behavior? You are right, he did learn to behave a certain way and a lifetime's worth of behavior is extraordinarily difficult to change, but it can be done. I have done it and I believe my WH has done it.
Are you in IC? Looking at issues you may have brought to the table? This is not to say you caused the A or even were part of the marital problems, but from the sounds of it, you let him treat you pretty badly for the last 6 years. Why? Why were you settling? If you aren't settling, then what is it YOU deserve in this relationship? You need to figure out what standard YOU want to hold him to and do it. Take your power back.
Finally, wait and watch. My husband had to become a new man. I didn't believe it would stick, but I figured I would give it 6 months (this is after 6 months of him sort of getting it (e.g. I had transparency and NC, but that was it), but still lying and not really participating in fixing himself or our marriage. I honestly figured we would be divorced based on a lot of the same emotions that are coming through in your post. I'm happy I stuck around. The last 6 months have been great, and the "new him" seems to have stuck. He has worked his a&* off and dealt with a lot of issues, but our marriage is better for it. I have also worked my a&* off and am better for it. Will it last? Who knows, but I feel a whole lot more comfortable believing that it might than I did 12 or even 6 months ago.