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Exposing cheating spouse

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ifinallyfoundme posted 6/15/2013 17:17 PM

My WS wanted to keep his cheating secret. He had this phony good guy image in public but a bear at home. When I found out what he was doing and who he was doing I told everyone about his actions and provided pictures of his two women. They were absolutely flabbergasted, especially his mom who believed him to be a saint.
He couldn't hide from anyone at family functions and no one found any humor in his behavior.
What are your stories.

[This message edited by ifinallyfoundme at 5:17 PM, June 15th (Saturday)]

41andthankful posted 6/15/2013 18:41 PM

[This message edited by 41andthankful at 7:35 AM, June 28th (Friday)]

Ladyogilvy posted 6/15/2013 19:02 PM

I told everyone because I called everyone asking questions when WH wouldn't tell me anything. Since my finding out he was unfaithful was tied to all the lies he told me about totaling his sports car and being arrested for DUI, everyone heard it all from me. WH had lied to everyone, told them his sports car had been stolen and totaled by the car thief. Boy was he pissed off. His image was a big deal to him. He has different priorities now.

allfalldown posted 6/15/2013 19:54 PM

I have decided not to tell anyone until I decide if we are going to R or D. Once my decision is made then it will probably come out but I don't want the added pressure of that right now. When I miscarried once, I wish I had not told as many people because I would be having a great day and then be "reminded" by someone who knew. It feels like a lot of triggers would happen to me.

I also want to protect my children from gossip or finding out. That news will spread like wildfire.

If we divorce however, it will be listed and that is public record.

Holly-Isis posted 6/15/2013 21:00 PM

I was on the phone trying to explain to the mortgage company why our pay,want was late.

I just burst out, "Because he decided to spend our money on his mistress!"


Then the person said they'd make a note that payment would be forthcoming.

Athena1979 posted 6/15/2013 22:13 PM

Good topic.

I have often considered posting on Facebook. His sisters and best friends are on there and get all their news from it.
I thought of saying something like "just so everyone knows...prostitution is bad...especially when you're married and have 2 young kids. I'm responsible for 50% of the relationship, but an affair is 100% the other persons fault. Peace." and then immediately change my status to single.

I've thought about putting my own ad on Craigslist for ladies beware or a posting on the men seeking women that would say "good thing my cheating husband isn't looking through these ads right now, because he would probably be angry with me. By the way, he's married, has 2 kids and has to pay women just to have sex with him because he is so pathetic. That being said, he doesn't wear a condom, so if you slept with this man, you probably have a disease of some kind."

When I first kicked him out, he just told people that we weren't getting along. I'm like "hard to get along with someone who is spending all of our money on prostitutes!"

Question is: am I doing it for my own satisfaction? To hurt him, to stop his lies? Why do I care what he says to other people anyway?

Maybe, if I let the truth out, maybe his sisters or friends will see that he has a sex addiction or a depression issue or whatever and actually try and help him. Because, I'm not!

notsosureanymore posted 6/15/2013 22:26 PM

I told her mother the first time in 2006 she seemed surprised and not. Her mother doesn't know that she is talking to other men on the phone while she is sleeping, that I know of. Before i gave up her password to her I played a voice message from her online Verizon account of her telling some guy you can send me dick pics I am whispering because i don't want my mother to hear me, she is sleeping. Idk. I think her whole family reinforces her decision to do wtf she is doing they are all just as fucked up.

Got2GO posted 6/15/2013 22:26 PM

I told everyone! His friends deserted him. His family called him a asshole. His one and only son really has nothing to do with him. He now stays in hiding in his little garbage can trailer where he belongs. His daughter checks on him about once a month to see if he is dead yet but she really doesn't have any time for him. She says he brought everything on himself.
Too bad he has no money I would have cleaned him out before throwing him out, lol!

Jaded4life posted 6/16/2013 07:16 AM

I made him tell his immediate family. His issues were deep rooted in his childhood and i felt his parents were complicit. I wanted them to feel some sense of responsibility and guilt in trusting a relative to watch him when he was young, who ultimately sexually abused him for years. My family and friends don't know.

jb3199 posted 6/16/2013 09:04 AM

For the longest time, I kept it a filthy, disgusting secret. But I believe I did it for all the wrong reasons--pride, vanity, name it.

On my last D-day, I told close relatives....hers and mine. And that was because (1) nothing else seemed to work, and (2) that was my breaking point. I was heading full steam to divorce, and no one was going to stop me.

I just wanted them to know why I planned to divorce.

Ironically, I am still here. She has done some amazing work on herself these last two years...but I keep the tagline of "heading to D" because I still remain guarded.

PurpleBirch posted 6/16/2013 10:09 AM

WH doesn't know that I've told my people. I think that's pretty naive of him, but whatevs. If we D, I will call his family and tell them.

I havn't told anyone that can't keep it to themselves. If we D, I will probably tell pretty much everyone. I've seen some awesome siggy lines that would be great on Facebook. I'm not sure I'd want to put it there though. My kids will be able to find it one day, and I'm not sure I'd want that.

Edited to add: I've also blurted it out to a telemarketer who was trying to give me "free" women's cancer insurance. I told her I just don't know if I'm going to be living here anymore since I just found out my husband cheated (when she asked if she could call back another day).

[This message edited by PurpleBirch at 10:12 AM, June 16th (Sunday)]

HormonalWoman posted 6/16/2013 13:49 PM

I told both our families and our friends. Not my dirty secret to keep.

I also felt i would be helping him to protect his 'bubble' around the affair by continuing to allow it to be a secret from those that know us best.

Vulcanized posted 6/16/2013 14:07 PM

My darling XH ran a smear campaign, told everybody I was cheating on him & btw, this is my new special friend, cock-socket, but don't ask any questions about her. She's been such a blessing as I deal w/my cheating W.

Surprisingly, once I told everybody we knew just how long cs had been around, everybody said they thought XH was cheating.

I tried talking to my BIL to enlist his help in breaking up the A, but he didn't believe me.

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