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Coraline posted 6/15/2013 21:43 PM

It seems likely my STBX and his MOW have both been reading SI, so I haven't been saying much lately. I had a friend warn me not to post anything in an online forum where he might possibly find me and see that his strategy was wearing me down, but on the recording we have (the MOW's husband recorded them) my husband and the OW say that he needs a new strategy because it's "getting worse" and they could only mean I was feeling BETTER (because I was) and I think they were reading here to get that impression. And the new strategies they talked about were just more abuse. Basically, if it was working, he would amp it up, and if it wasn't working, he would...amp it up. So there was no way for me to avoid it, really.

Anywho, I'm still stuck in paradise, but we no longer have to live together. We did get the temporary restraining order, based on the conversation recorded by MOW's BH, and we got a continuance on that, so our hearing will be next week.

We don't have a custody evaluation set up yet, and I'm not sure if that's because he's going to refuse to agree to one or because he's trying to drag things out for as long as possible. The judge will order one if we ask, and we will, so I'm not sure what sort of strategy this is. They've done formal discovery requests asking for my therapist's notes, my medication list for the past 3 years, the results of any psychological testing I've ever had done in my entire life, and a few other things. I don't know the purpose of that, since I've never been diagnosed with anything other than depression, and that was years ago. Even through all this mess now, I'm not and haven't been depressed, so there's nothing to find. And medication...I had a script for heartburn meds during my last pregnancy and after the one before that, and I think they gave me something for a cough or congestion during my last pregnancy. Other than that, I can't even remember any prescriptions.

Basically, I have no idea what's going to happen or how much longer I'm going to be living in Paradise Prison. It's not ideal being kept here, because it's ridiculously expensive and I would like to get on with my life already, but I'm resigned to whatever happens. If I say life is good and they read this, I guess they'll try to do something to make it bad. If I say life is bad and they read this, I guess they'll say that means they should try to do something to make it worse, so that maybe I'll give up. Either way, they'll shit on me, so I suppose it really doesn't matter what I say. There are things to be happy about and things to be stressed about. :)

I've been trying to stick to general, generic posts in others' threads (other than about my MIL sending me a virus, because that was funny) to avoid "poking the bear", in case they are reading here, but I was feeling like I needed a touch of SI support, so there's my update.

Grace and Flowers posted 6/15/2013 22:14 PM

Well, Coraline, you've got the support. You can only do what you can do, be who you are. I'm so sorry you're having to live under such stress, and I do hope the pace picks up for you. your tagline...Mumford & Sons totally got me through some of my darkest times. That dude can write, can't he. I actually put some of the lyrics on my bedroom wall, to uplift me. One of the ones that helped me most was After the Storm:

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

You WILL get over your hill, Coraline...with grace and flowers.

[This message edited by SadMad2012 at 10:14 PM, June 15th (Saturday)]

Kajem posted 6/15/2013 22:17 PM


If you need to, you can private message anyone you want on the forum. It might be easier to do that, they can't read your private messages without having your ID and password.

I am glad you posted.. I was wondering about you. Sounds like things have improved slightly... and are looking to be finalized soon.


Getting to Happy posted 6/15/2013 22:39 PM

It is good to hear from you. I am sorry that you are in some kinda paradise limbo.

my husband and the OW say that he needs a new strategy because it's "getting worse" and they could only mean I was feeling BETTER (because I was) and I think they were reading here to get that impression. And the new strategies they talked about were just more abuse. Basically, if it was working, he would amp it up, and if it wasn't working, he would...amp it up.

Damn, that is shitty! Devilspawn!

Your are one smart cookie, hang in there.

((((Coraline))))you will prevail.

And HEY Mr. Coraline and OW, UP YOURS!

SBB posted 6/15/2013 23:08 PM

Great to hear from you Coraline.

I second Kajem's suggestion of OM.

Mods, I do wish we could have multiple recipients of PMs.


Hopefully one day soon you won't be quite so important in their lives. Right now you are the 'glue' holding that leaky ship together. Unfortunately you can still be that glue even without participating - I hadn't realised that until now.

Leave them to their sad lives. Brace yourself for what is to come and remind yourself that no matter what he pulls nothing is as bad as still being in a relationship with him.


fallingquickly posted 6/15/2013 23:16 PM

Stay strong. PM anytime you need an ear.

And HEY Mr. Coraline and OW, UP YOURS!


[This message edited by fallingquickly at 11:17 PM, June 15th (Saturday)]

peridot posted 6/15/2013 23:18 PM


We are here for you! We don't need updates. Just check in every now and then and let us know you are okay. You can update us when it's safe to do so. Stay strong, you'll get through this.

Nature_Girl posted 6/16/2013 00:14 AM


heartbroken_kk posted 6/16/2013 00:40 AM

((((Coraline)))) I'e been thinking about. you. I hope your paradise prison lets you go soon!

dmari posted 6/16/2013 00:43 AM

Thank you so much for the update! I have been thinking of you! Please pm me anytime! Take care!!

Bluebird26 posted 6/16/2013 05:50 AM

Thanks or the update Coraline, I have been wondering about you.

You can do it :) You have been incredibly brave honey keep going.

Douche & OW will get theirs!

authenticnow posted 6/16/2013 06:33 AM


Please note the following guideline:

FLAMING & ATTACKING: Please refrain from attacking another member, publicly or by using the Private Message feature. Do not bait or call out others. This includes members and non-members.

Thank you.

tesla posted 6/16/2013 06:51 AM

So glad you posted...I've been thinking about you. I hope that you are able to resolve this crap quickly and get out of 'paradise.'

I hope you have seen improvement in your daughter since he's been gone. I'm willing to bet you are feeling alot more at peace now that he is out of your space. And thank goodness for MOW's BH!

debbysbaby posted 6/16/2013 07:39 AM

Hang in there Coraline!

You'll be fine!

PM me anytime. I know what it is like to be married to a sociopath, manipulative, serial-cheating military man...all while 1000's of miles away from home and dealing with crazy-making.

chikastuff posted 6/17/2013 10:09 AM

Ugh. I'm so sorry they're continuing their efforts. Thank you for updating, I've been thinking about you.

damncutekitty posted 6/17/2013 10:13 AM

Does he have to submit his mental health history too? I hope your lawyer is asking for a psych eval and maybe supervised visits now that you have an RO. I mean, it's pretty logical that someone who abuses their wife would also turn that nastiness on their kids eventually.

missmydogs posted 6/17/2013 10:50 AM

Good Lord honey, what you have to deal with right now. Stay strong. (((Coraline)))

sadone29 posted 6/17/2013 11:18 AM

Sorry you have so much to deal with. Stay strong!! (((Coraline)))

Mumford and Sons in my tagline too. :)

Coraline posted 6/17/2013 15:45 PM

Of course I don't want to say too much, because I just don't know if they are reading here right now, but we haven't asked for a psych eval. Obviously if he follows through on making accusations about my mental health, there will have to be one for both of us. I do wonder how accurate a psych eval would actually be, if he has his girlfriend, the social worker/counselor/mental health professional, advising him about what to say, how to act, etc. It doesn't worry me, just a point of curiosity, and since I'm NOT a mental health professional, I wouldn't be in a place to determine if his was accurate or not anyway, unless it was just ridiculous, lol.

Skan posted 6/17/2013 19:25 PM

I think that's pretty damned flattering that your STBX and his CumDumpster have to build up their little egos by trying to gang up and attack you! This ought to be a real eye-opening experience for Ms. CD. It's not every STBX that shows his current honeypot exactly how he is going to shaft her, when its her time to go! That ought to make some Pretty Interesting Conversations in bed when her mouth isn't full.

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