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Newest Member: Alleycats (61167)

User Topic: Details: When is it too much
♀ 39415
Member # 39415
Default  Posted: 5:52 AM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am only 6 weeks from DDay. WH has been 100% NC and 100% remorseful. He has answered every question that I have. He has accepted the A is 100% his fault but also embraced that he was likely used for money and sex by OW. He has answered every question that I have posed.

I seem to be a bit strange in that I do not keep asking the same question over and over, rather my questions go deeper and deeper.

Stage 1 Questions: When were your rendezvous?
Stage 2 Questions: What did you do (did you have dinner? how much did you spend? Did you have sex?)
Stage 3 Questions: I am asking for play-by-play of a night.

Last night was the first time I asked for play-by-play - specifically of their first few nights together (before they were having sex) - it was so awful I feel so much rage.

But the questions just keep coming. Is this normal?

Posts: 201 | Registered: Jun 2013
♂ 15162
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 6:21 AM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes it's normal

The answer to your question is different for everyone. I needed to know everything. For many just knowing they were together was enough.

FBH - 45
FWW - 46 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 10 & 15

The people you do your life with shape the life you live

Posts: 46823 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My Qs went deeper as time went on, so that makes sense to me. Don't worry about not asking the same question more than once - you'll probably do it in the future.

You get to decide what level of detail you want. I'd go slow, especially at firs, so you can see how you respond to the details you get, but in the end - ask anything you want to ask.

fBH (me) - 66 on d-day, Married 43, together 45 on d-day, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
Most of us know only our own experience. That's not enough data to support a general rule that D, or R, is right in every sitch.

Posts: 16591 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Illinois
♀ 26465
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When You say it is too much.

There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3225 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
♀ 38384
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

6 weeks. Wow. Hugs to you. I remember that time.

My questions got deeper as time went on and one set of questions, always spurred on another set.

I didn't ask for any play by play. I mean...I KNOW how to have oral sex so I don't need to know how THEY had oral sex. Ya know?

Now I ask ?'s like, "So, did you get that if you ended up with this person that our boys would see HER the same way, you see J?" J is now the wife of his dad.

Be careful what you ask CU. That is all I am saying.


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 3439 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Topic Posts: 5

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