I realized a few weeks ago that I am becoming depressed. I am in IC and have made an appointment to see about getting some anti-depressants for short term use.
I am struggling to understand why I am feeling depressed as opposed to angry. I realized yesterday that I feel like a caged rat. I can try to detach as much as possible but because of DD I still must deal with stbx on a regular basis and I continue to be on the receiving end of his passive aggressive behavior. He never does anything spectacularly awful like some of the things many of you are facing. It is little stuff. Yesterday for example as DD and I were packing her stuff for her overnight with stbx, we both thought she had a pair of pajamas at his place. she had had an accident that last time she slept over his place (her regression into baby behavior in the face of the D should be the subject of another post) and he had said at pick up, we both heard this, that he would wash her pajamas and return them next week. So yesterday, while we were packing her stuff, I opened her soccer bag to get it ready and the urine-soaked pajamas were in a plastic bag in her soccer bag and had been there for a week. The bag and everything in it had to be washed. I did not say anything to DD about her father's behavior, I just put everything in the washing machine. I knew that DD already felt embarrassed enough. It is little stuff like this ALL THE TIME. Stuff I can't speak to my lawyer about, stuff I just have to left go.
I feel like the caged rats and dogs in those experiments that become passive and depressed when they know that shocks will be administered and there is nothing they can do to avoid them.
He gets the GF that he has spent 10s of thousands of dollars on and I get to pick up his shit. And because of DD, I don't see any alternative.