It's hard to articulate. This may take a while, so I hope you will bare with me.
I haven't just found out. It's been over a month since I starting digging. Just under since I received an admission of guilt. I feel that I haven't yet gotten the full story and so I am using what means I have at my disposal because getting a straight answer from a proven liar is like trying to get blood from a rock.
I have been with my fiancee for over three years. We have a dog together and are starting to progress toward a marriage or so I believed.
He started helping his best friend with a local metal band that had just gotten signed. He would go and set up the equipment or video their concerts. He asked me several times to come out with them but the concerts always ran into the morning hours and I need my sleep, because our dog wakes me up around 7 a.m. every morning for his walk. Also, I cannot function very well unless I get at least eight hours in. I may have wanted to go but being out with him is like being out alone. He's a social butterfly and doesn't pay very much attention to me when we're out in social settings. So, not wanting to be left by myself in a strange place with a bunch of metal-heads and bikers, I'd decline. It's not my scene.
My WS met the OW there. She is a promoter for the band. I have never met her and only discovered her when I started to suspect something because he started staying out very late on week-nights. (The concerts were only held during the weekend.)
He came home with his knee hurt one morning, saying that a car we was working on at his friend's house fell on his knee.
And then I remember, I was having a terrible cold and called out of work that day. I was very aroused when he got home from his job and I insisted that he take me to bed. On that occasion, he did things to me which he hadn't done in a while and it kind of made me wonder where that came from. It was like, I knew he must be doing these things to someone else.
So one morning, I went through his phone while he was sleeping and I saw her on his contact list. I knew when I saw this woman that she was the one and that something fishy was going on. I made the mistake of waking up his friend who is staying with us, on the couch, and asking who she was. He told me that he doesn't know. (Likely a lie.)
I went up stairs to our bedroom, then, woke my WS and asked him, "Who is this?"
"Oh, she's a promo girl for the band."
He said nothing more about it. After that, he placed a lock on his phone. I asked him,"Is something up? Are you trying to hide something from me?"
"No.", He said,"I am angry that you went through my phone."
I think it was a week later, the 17th of May, a Friday night, that he went awall. He didn't come home after work, didn't tell me that he was planning to be out all night. I tried over and over to reach him on his phone and he didn't answer. I knew something was horribly wrong. I didn't sleep.
The next morning, his friend woke up and I pried him for info. His friend's mother came to pick up her son for an errand they had to do. I was visibly disturbed having still not heard back from my WS. They sat in my living room and chastised me for worrying, for being clingy and portraying "stalking" behavior. Apparently, he has done this before, in the past, before he met me and everything is fine. If everything were not fine, I'd be getting a call from a police station or ER.
Then my WS, called his friend's mom, to let them know he was okay. They relayed this to me and I didn't believe them at first. I couldn't believe that he would call someone else first instead of me. They got cross with me for calling them liars. It was as if, I was in the Twilight Zone, in a world where it's perfectly normal for a person who you have loved for three years to all of a sudden start staying out all night, without informing you of their plan to and I was some kind of freak for expecting consideration and accountability. I would call the behavior of his friend and his mother, gas lighting now, looking back at it. I have to tolerate them in my presence still. It's almost unbearable.
I digress.
When I finally saw my WS, that Sunday, the 20th. He had a mark on his neck, which he claims was a work injury. When asked about Friday, he insists (still) that he just drove around by himself. He says he parked the car and listened to music. He was stressed and needed space.
(How did that hickey get there if he was alone?)
He was home that night. I still hadn't slept. I couldn't. I need something was not right. I felt like I wanted to crawl out of my skin. I needed to know what was happening. Then, I remembered. He told me the password to his Facebook account a while back because he wanted me to feel that I could trust him. Clearly, he must have forgotten that I knew this or maybe he believed that I forgot it. None the less, this is how I found out.
The girl from his phone. There was a conversation between them. A highly flirtatious series of messages. She was hitting on him hard. He was resisting but failing to make himself seem like he was in a permanent relationship. "She's not my wife." That douch-bag!
She wanted his leather biker jacket. The fucking jacket that I had picked out for him in New Hope on a day trip. I begged him to try it on.
I self-injured that night. I had the impulse to fill the bath tub, scrub every inch of my body with a brillo pad and just slit my wrists all the way up to my inner elbows. Fill it with blood.
Then our dog walked into the bathroom and looked at me.
All I could do was shake and cry. It had now been three nights without sleep.
I started checking his phone's call log online everyday and his Facebook. (I still do.)
Then a new message popped up about how she felt used. That he had gotten what he wanted from her, fucked her and now was ignoring her. I thought to myself and joked to my best girl friend who I was confiding in, she ought to threaten to tell me.
Memorial day weekend. She finally did. She wrote me a long message about they were having an affair for 3 weeks and he didn't really want to me with me. She ended the message saying that he played us both. Then she sent me a photo of a positive pregnancy test.
TBC.
[This message edited by ladyphoenix84 at 9:06 AM, June 16th (Sunday)]