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don't worry, im not thinking of making myself feel better with an infidelity of my own, but im hinking of the othr ways the infidentlity hs affected my life, the money that was spent when we were short anyway, money that essentially was taken away rom me as i wold not let anyone else in the family go without so it was me who went without clothes and food at times, and about all the times i put hi work before my studies o social life or health and wellbeing only to now find out that he was out with a girl. now our money has improoved dramaitically overniht, we are now in a situation where we are going to be earning nearly twice our cost of iving, theres a big part of me that would like to say by my calcultions this i what you spend lyin to and cheeting mefo 6 years, i would like a cheque to that amount written out to me,, and then using it to buy myself ome new clotes and take myself away for a fe days to rest, spent some time maybe with my girlie friends and let him watch the kids,,,, but then i can't decide if tat is healing,,, hih i good or revenge which is bad?????

i should add that even prior D-day if he was home and i wanted to go out he would gladly watch the children to let me so maybe slightly less justified in feeling ive been left holding the baby,, but then the nights i was home alone exhausted thinking he was at wok, make me feel completely justified again. the most painful was the night i was asking him to hurry home as i was scared for the baby and wanted to go o the hospital(pregnant at the time) and he said hed been held up by an incident at work and couldn't come home yet when he was actually with her, we had suffered a miscarriage only months earlier so i was in a right state.

sorry i digress,,, the whole infidelity seems to be more on my mind the last few days more than it has been in a while, and im still just as confused i think,,,,,,

[This message edited by seekingtomorrow at 12:09 PM, June 16th (Sunday)]

I see absolutely nothing wrong with demanding that he spend money on you in the same amount, or more, that he decided to spend on his whore. I LOVE that revenge idea- you deserve it.

While he is at it, he can write a check to his children as well- taking money out of their pockets to spend on trash. What a total waste. Meanwhile, so save, he can bring his lunch from home instead of going out, he can take the bus, and he can not buy "man toys" like the next Xbox to entertain himself.

I say go for it- don't even ask him for a check. Spend what you want on YOU and if he asks, give him your justification.

i don't know, i kinda like the idea of the cheque because of the poetry of him giving it to me,,, rather than me taking it...

sadly boy toys are part of his job so i can't really say no to those lol,

Do it. This isn't revenge: It's debt repayment.

I feel your pain, Seeking and have heard this scenario before.

It is also going on here, too, even with complaints for "expenses" that he created by going to live "there".

thankyou,, I spoke to him last night, told him that today the money in the whole thing was making me cross, how whatever we calculate the infidelity cost we the need to just about double it as so much of our debt is intrest and late payment/non payment fines and if the money hadn't been going on the infidelity we would have paid. I told him that theres a big part of me that wants to say you spent this much money on complete selfishness and on ruining me, I want to use the same amount being selfish and rebuilding me,, surprisingly he is right in with the idea. we can't afford it right now,,, as it is were in a panic today as we didn't get paid today as we were expecting to and are down to our last £6 with only 1 days food in the house, prayers that we get paid tomorrow,
I love posting on here as it helps me get my thoughts in line so i'm actually making sense when I talk to him.