After my F ended the affair with the OW ( almost two months ago) she sent me a barrage of texts wherein she called my F and I names and instead of responding to her 40+ texts I chose to ignore her; even though Dday was almost 2 months ago, I've been wishing I had corrected her false statements about me and my fiance ever since.
I'm big on facts and she has no idea what I look like but kept calling me fat etc. and criticising my fiancé's apartment, fashion sense etc. I wish I had told her that he didn't tidy up his place for her intentionally, that he has a closet full of clothes that he wears with me but never wore around her and that he is always looking good for me but was just bummy looking for her. She also thought I was uneducated but I am in my early twenties - five years younger than her- and have a Master's degree from an Ivy. I also wanted to tell her that I'm not overweight at all. She has never seen me. My fiancé says she is overweight and was always upset about it. Every overweight woman I know is better looking than the OW, so she's ignorant.
My F says I'm letting her opinion matter too much and I know he's right, I'm just haunted by my choice to let her spew lies without correcting her. I thought I was showing her how insignificant she was by not engaging her.
Any advice on getting over my choice?
[This message edited by anonymous823 at 4:19 PM, June 16th (Sunday)]
Know you are the better person and be happy with it. Engaging with a spiteful OW is inviting additional pain.
Healing yourself and making her mean nothing to you will ultimately be your sweetest revenge.
(((hugs)))
The OW in my situation was my best friend. She knew I was a good person, and she knew my heart. But she still came up with mean things to say about me. I think it helped her justify her actions.
Your OW wants to think she's better than you, and even if you told her that she's not, she would think of another reason why she's better. I think OW are insecure broken people. They lift themselves up by hurting others.
IIRC, I focused on ow until I realized I was furious at my W. It's a lot harder to be angry at one's WS than at the ap.
Be happy that ow is lying to herself, while you focus on yourself.
Honestly, she is greatly lacking in character. If you respond, you sink to her level.
Don't do it. LA
[This message edited by LA44 at 5:53 PM, June 16th (Sunday)]
How sad is that? I'm sure your fiancé told her that you were overweight, that you were a b*tch, that you two never had sex, etc... She actually believed those things- and now she feels angry and bad about herself because despite all the crap he undoubtly said about you while cheating with her, HE IS CHOOSING TO STAY WITH YOU INSTEAD OF BE WITH HER. How pathetic, to be given all the answers to a test, give it your all, and STILL fail.
If you had responded, one of two things would have happened. Either: a) she would not have responded, but also not have believed a word you said or cared because she only cares about herself OR b) she would have responded back, blown up both of your phones again, and filled your phones with even more of her ridiculous rude text message equivalent of diarrhea.
She DOESN'T get the last word. Want to know why? Because your fiancé is sorry for you. He's trying to be a better man for you. He loves you. The situation speaks for itself- she couldn't even keep a man who was so unhappy in his relationship that he cheated.
"What did you expect? I am a scorpion."
[This message edited by anonymous823 at 9:39 PM, June 16th (Sunday)]
It bugged me for a long time that I didn't let her have it. I fantasized about calling her to describe to her in detail all her tattoos and then asking her how the hell I would know about those if I didn't know someone who had seen her naked. I used to wish that FWH and I could go to her house and he would berate her and tell her she disgusted him. He would have done it, too.
By the time all these ideas were really swirling around, it was too late to break NC.
The thing is, as MORE time passes, I'm really glad that she got the last word, because that means that I obviously didn't care enough about responding. The more we try to contact them, the more important they feel. Even if it's an argument, it validates their existence.
Nothing says "you don't exist to us" like never hearing from you or your WS again. EVER.
(((anonymous823)))
By ignoring her attempts, you have sent her a clear message telling her that she does not matter. What she says or does is now insignificant in your lives. You also showed her you have more dignity and class by not engaging in her war or words.
Just want to second this. By not engaging her you already got the last word. She's lower than nothing, grasping at straws. By not giving her the time of day you just reaffirm you are better than her. And I'm sure it kills her....
You had the last word.
I take my hat off to you.
Can you imagine anything worse than NOT getting a reply to all those texts full of stuff she likely knows is untrue?
Whenever I think of looking up the OW on facebook or Googling her or whatever to see where she is now, I just remember that she wants that. She wants me to think about her. She wants me to look her up. She wants that attention from me more than anything. Of course she wouldn't know I looked her up, but I would know, and I won't give her that. It is so hard for me sometimes, but to me I believe she is a person without worth, without a soul, so I just won't do what she wants. Not now. Not ever again.
((((anonymous)))
I also don't think the anger or feeling bad would be gone if you had responded or corrected her. Your true anger is at your F who put you in harm's way not only by cheating but by bringing this whackjobber into your life who was verbally abusive to you.
I hope you have the benefit of a long engagement to sort all of this out. Sigh. Good luck anonymous823!
It has been almost 21 months here and I just found 2 emails from OWXDBC that she sent via FB back in August & November of '12. They got sent to "other" rather than mail so just saw them last week.
Now I read and I so want to respond, fighting the urge with all my being.
DD#1 July 28, 2010 Admitted to EA. A went underground. DD#2 August 19,2010 Admitted PA
It was then I realized how jealous she was of me, I put in a few more digs about her jealousy,but she called me every name under the sun.
I then told her that I was done playing these games with her. I told her goodnight and good luck.
She then started texting a million messages. She already had 5 times the number of texts more than me. I never responded again but I sure wanted to.
That night she called me many times and I ignored everyone.
Sometimes it bothers me that I didn't correct her for any of her statements, but most days I am happy because it showed her how little I really care about her and how she is of very low consequence in our M
