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rachelc posted 6/16/2013 17:51 PM

Hubby just updated his Facebook cover pic. It's a pic of him on a beach in hawaii that i took walking out of the water with his speedo jammer on, muscles and pecs on full display. I am sick. I have not said anything to him because a DD is here with us.

What reason would someone have for doing this? He doesn't have any women except for relatives as friends, although I think ppl can search for him by name and see everything.

My cover pic is one of me, him and our son enjoying his 21st birthday. My profile pic is him walking our DD down the aisle....

He would be livid if I had a cover photo of me in a bikini..., I have no desire to do that.

Trying not to cry. This means he's still sick, right?

wifehad5 posted 6/16/2013 21:58 PM

What happens if you ask him?

anonymous823 posted 6/16/2013 23:32 PM

Seems odd. Maybe ask him why he chose that photo.

Ladyogilvy posted 6/17/2013 00:15 AM

My WH isn't allowed on Facebook. He never had been on it before DD. Then, when chased him out of the house and he joined, he immediately stared friending old high school girlfriends. If his intent was to make me as psycho as him, it worked. I scared him off Facebook forever.

If your WH is going to be on Facebook, he needs to respect your feelings.

rachelc posted 6/17/2013 06:23 AM

After DD left I asked.
1) he hasn't been on facebook in 4 months and didn't really know what he was doing.
2) he wanted a picture that didn't show how big his legs were.

I cried. I said "you look like a bronze adonis. You chose that picture for a reason. Is that what you want everyone to know about you? If you are posting these kinds of pictures then you are still needing to be externally validated. That scares me. Do whatever you need to do but just ask yourself WHY you put that picture up."

he said he wasn't doing anything - meaning cheating I guess. He changed his picture.

He told me he tossed and turned all night. yep. I kept thinking, this guy is an expert at mind-fucking me.

Knowing posted 6/17/2013 07:01 AM

Just to add it's not about mind-fucking you, it has everything to do with his brokenness inside. Seeing that "vanity photo" as seeking, in a passive way, external validation is an astute observation on your part. It's part if his set of needs still... But probably quite a bit less than it used to be. Yes, he's still sick-in-the-head, but he took it down, which means somewhere inside of him he understands that it's innapropriate for a married man to use that picture in a public way.

Baby steps. He took your word for it, he trusts your opinion once given. That's pretty good. In some situations when we can't see the forest for the trees we need to trust the people around us (hopefully our number one confidant is our spouse) who give us good advice.

Sometimes I wish I had a magic wand that I could smack my husband on the head with so he could just "get it".

catlover50 posted 6/17/2013 07:15 AM


Sorry for your frustration; it is understandable.

When we would be on vacation my fWH used to want me to take pictures of him in various places. I realized he wanted to show them to people at work. It felt like rather than enjoying what we were doing together he was thinking about how he could impress other, relatively insignificant people.

He doesn't do that now. But it is still a process.

Good luck.

[This message edited by catlover50 at 7:16 AM, June 17th (Monday)]

rachelc posted 6/17/2013 07:21 AM

knowing - I forgot to add - he thanked me for bringing it to his attention.
but this still scares me.

sisoon posted 6/17/2013 12:24 PM

Given his professional position, I'm really sort of shocked that he didn't just do a head shot, which also solves the problem of not showing his legs. But then I've thought all along that he as problems he needs to work on.

Rebreather posted 6/17/2013 12:41 PM

Rachel, we all know he isn't there yet. He won't/can't deal with his issues and his pain. Until he can, he will flounder and lash out. I agree with Sisoon 100%. He's got shit to work on and he won't do it. And yes, I think you are right, this is part of that problem.

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