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Another first date

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Williesmom posted 6/16/2013 19:10 PM

Yesterday, I went on a first date with someone that I met on line. We went to a a local pasta place. The food was great.

Here's the thing: he has Tourette's, and didn't tell me. It was never even addressed during the date. It was weird.

He was very nice, and was obviously very into me. He wants to go out again. I'm thinking that it will get better as he gets less nervous, but I'm just hesitant.

Am I THAT shallow?

Also, he seems like he might be a clinger. Either that, or he's just bored. I think all he does is work. He lives in an apartment.

I have a high maintenance house, and a fairly active social life.

Why is it so hard to find someone that just fits into my life?

It appears that yes,I am THAT shallow. Sigh.

[This message edited by Williesmom at 7:10 PM, June 16th (Sunday)]

FaithFool posted 6/16/2013 19:36 PM

Seinfeld anyone?

I'd be weirded out, and no, you are not shallow!

Runningaway posted 6/16/2013 19:42 PM

I think when you meet someone you know pretty much right away if they're "it" or an at least a contender.
If this guy did it for you, it wouldn't matter if he had tourettes or lived in an apartment. You'd be telling us that you couldn't believe you met this great guy who has the coolest apartment and manages his tourettes so well...

Williesmom posted 6/16/2013 19:52 PM

Ff, my life is pretty much a Seinfeld episode in the works. This shouldn't even surprise me.

Part of my hesitation is me. I don't handle compliments well-I don't know what to do with them. He said that I am much better looking in person, and that I am so pretty. I don't know what to say to that, so I just said thank you.

I am also not comfortable with public displays of affection. At home-sure. I just feel that those things have a place.

It makes me feel more messed up.

It makes me question my picker because every man that I have really liked hasn't been as "into" me. I know how painful it is to really like someone , and not have it be reciprocated. So, I don't want to be the one to inflict that pain.

[This message edited by Williesmom at 7:54 PM, June 16th (Sunday)]

clralb posted 6/16/2013 20:18 PM

I guess, for me, it would kind of depend on what kind of Tourette's he has. Is it the kind that he yells obscenities, or just a tick?

He really should have let you know about his Tourette's before the date.

Seems to me from your post, even though he has Tourette's, it seemed like he's not a match.

Try, try again!

Edited to fix incorrect spelling.

[This message edited by clralb at 8:21 PM, June 16th (Sunday)]

Williesmom posted 6/16/2013 20:45 PM

It was just a tick. And the random utterance of "cha-Ching" in the middle of a sentence.

And making the noise of the turn signal when he was turning.

I am not kidding.

tesla posted 6/16/2013 20:57 PM

And making the noise of the turn signal when he was turning.

um...sometimes I do this. Just sayin'.

But I have to agree with what runningaway said. If you liked him, you would have framed those things in a positive way.

clralb posted 6/16/2013 22:17 PM

Thank goodness it wasn't the one where sufferers of this disease yell out obcenities!


If this guy did it for you, it wouldn't matter if he had tourettes or lived in an apartment. You'd be telling us that you couldn't believe you met this great guy who has the coolest apartment and manages his tourettes so well...


Exactly.

I still think he should have disclosed it beforehand, though. And to pretend that it didn't exist during date?? Awkward, mainly due to the fact he did not acknowledge it.

I've watched documentaries of people who have T. In severe cases, it can be quite delilitaing.

The wires in the brain just aren't connecting the way they should.

nowiknow23 posted 6/16/2013 23:45 PM

I disagree about expecting him to disclose it ahead of time. I wouldn't expect to get a disclosure of anxiety, OCD, Tourettes, or any other similar condition before a first date. And yes, I'm sure he was nervous, and that would exacerbate the Tourettes symptoms.

It sounds as if it wasn't a match, WM. And that's ok.

Onward.


cayc posted 6/17/2013 07:06 AM

OLD is such a forced way to meet someone. Things you'd pick up on naturally in the course of getting to know someone suddenly loom large & bcm things to "disclose" in OLD. For something like mild Tourette's, I wouldn't have expected advance disclosure (unless you were emailing/talking for several weeks before you met) but I *would* expect sth to be said at the date itself. To just not acknowledge it makes it awkward bc you yourself dont want to be rude. I appreciate that he has to live with it so maybe he's thinking it's not that big a deal, but surely he's aware that he should say *something*.

I agree it doesn't feel like a match bc if it were, you wouldn't care. It's not shallow to note that it made you uncomfortable/feel off-kilter or awkward. That's just an observation about a guy you met that made you think "meh".

ButterflyGirl posted 6/17/2013 08:38 AM

He said that I am much better looking in person, and that I am so pretty.

That is not a compliment if you ask me. It's ends up feeling like a dig at your pictures. I mean, he didn't think you looked pretty in your pictures?? Maybe he meant well and is new at this and just needs to work on his flirting, but those kinds of back-handed compliments don't work..

But I don't think this is a match for you anyway. The idea of being unequally yolked comes to mind.. That doesn't mean you're shallow, it just means your priorities are different..

I agree with NIK. Onward!!

better4me posted 6/17/2013 08:42 AM

I met a guy from OLD that had suffered a stroke. He didn't disclose that to me before we met, and I had't expected him to. That said, I knew it wasn't something that I would want to deal with in a relationship either. I know what you mean about feeling a little guilty or "shallow" about that being something you wouldn't want to deal with. But that is the truth. And I do think if I'd had been attracted to him, it wouldn't have mattered...

I've run into the same issue of the men that I am interested in aren't interested in me after a date or two. I hate it, and some times it gives me a bit of a complex. The "what is wrong with me" voice starts in my head, but it is what it is...and since I want to be with someone who wants to be with me, I know I will have to wait...I don't think it is our "pickers" though WM, I think it is just the luck of the draw. With OLD you don't know what the person is like before meeting them...and they don't either...

Let's agree to keep on trying so that one day, we can post our "success" and "I can't believe I am so lucky" stories here on NB

Williesmom posted 6/22/2013 07:16 AM

And this morning, I got the "I don't think we're a good fit" text.

It's really too bad - he's the first one that hasn't actually poofed, even if I agree with him.

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