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Today seemed like a normal day from our prior life ...

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FieldsOfLavender posted 6/16/2013 21:33 PM

STBX and our child went canoeing today. I joined them afterward for lunch. We walked around a little then came home to go to the community pool. STBX played with our child and her friends at the pool, then we all went out to dinner. When we came home, he did the normal night time routine with our child and while I was reading to her and putting our child to bed, he came home, he started to pack some necessities. Most of his stuff is still in our house.

For all of the day except the packing, it was as if our life had been rewound to 1.5 years ago, before the deception started. It felt like maybe, he really didn't want to leave and wanted to stay. He even wanted to stay at our house last night because his new place didn't have furniture and he wasn't feeling well. I allowed that. I'm sad and crying but not yet as deeply sad and devastated as I thought I would be.

Williesmom posted 6/16/2013 21:37 PM

I'm sorry. For your own sanity, you need to create distance between you and him.

He wants to stay at your house? Too bad. He chose this path, he needs to walk it.

Anything else is bullshit and not fair to you.

SBB posted 6/17/2013 07:25 AM


(((FieldsOfLavender))) Limbo was hell. Please don't stay to long.

Detaching was incredibly painful but absolutely necessary. It always is.

nowiknow23 posted 6/17/2013 09:44 AM

He even wanted to stay at our house last night because his new place didn't have furniture and he wasn't feeling well.
Poor baby.

Honey - DETACH. For the sake of your sanity and your child's.

He made his choices. Those choices have consequences. Stop saving him from those consequences. Stop cushioning his fall. Stop giving him a soft place to land. He wants out? He's out. Period.

And no more "shiny happy family" days. They confuse the kids and crush the BS's soul. Trust us on this one.

FieldsOfLavender posted 6/17/2013 21:42 PM

His apartment is close by. The plan for a few months is that he will join us for dinner every night so that the separation will not be too much of a shock to dd. I admit it helps me to ease into it, too.

TrustNoOne posted 6/17/2013 22:16 PM

FieldsOfLavender - God bless you. This isn't easy, no matter the path you choose.

I do worry for you that this slow seperation will create (or elongate) the sadness and semi-dependency you have on your STBX.

Sometimes prolonged weening is worse than cold-turkey, rip the band-aid off pain and loneliness.

I am fairly certain there is no "right" answer...just the one that is right for you; which may or may not match the collective well-intentioned wisdom of the SI masses.


[This message edited by TrustNoOne at 10:17 PM, June 17th (Monday)]

SBB posted 6/17/2013 23:15 PM

Make no mistake - all of this is to alliviate his guilt and will keep your wounds open and bleeding or far longer than they need to be.

You cannot control the outcome but you can control how bad this needs to get.

I for one could not stand to be in his presence knowing he had straight come from OWs bed. I would not put myself nor my children through that. Kids pick up on our stress and putting myself through that would be to their detriment.

You know yourself best so perhaps this is the right course of action for you. For me - no fucking way, not even when I still yearned for him.

Must Survive posted 6/18/2013 00:21 AM

What Strongbutbroken said.

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