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lostintally5581 (original poster member #37908) posted at 1:52 PM on Monday, June 17th, 2013
Almost 6 months out and yesterday...fathers day of all days it finally hit me like a ton of bricks......i hate this man. He say around all day watching sports...did not spend anytime with the kids barely moved from his chair. I was pissed by the end of the night after i put the kids to bed...i let him have it. Told him what a selfish a hole he is....how he made me this angry biter bitch and how i hated him for it. I was a surge of emotions i didn't think before the words came out of my mouth. I just let it all go.....and damn did it feel good...all this time i have been mad at the A itself...at Ow....but never outwardly toward WH. He was shocked. I have never been so angry at anyone in my life....and i don't know how to process this. How do you hate some one you love? I should say that since dday he has been remorseful has had complete NC with oompa loompa (OW)....he has been there for me during a all my lows held my hand comforted me when i trigger......he understands these feeling i have are normal and while he did cry after i blew up...he was crying because yes he did this to me and he can't go back and undo it....and that he is truly sorry. I'm a mess!
There better not be a "next time"
ladyphoenix84 ( new member #39559) posted at 1:55 PM on Monday, June 17th, 2013
It takes bravery to be able to let it all out like that. I wish I had that sort of courage right now. It's good that he accepts his responsibility for the pain it has caused you.
WeepingBuddhist ( member #39139) posted at 3:14 PM on Monday, June 17th, 2013
It's certainly OK to feel angry! It sounds like maybe there were some unmet (perhaps unstated?) expectations yesterday in addition to the continuing aftermath of the A. It makes sense to be furious when someone hurts you. I think anger is healthier than depression or anxiety, IMHO. I am not quite there yet so I appreciate hearing how others cope.
Me: BS 46
Him: unimportant
D Day:4-27-13
DIVORCED!!! 2-20-14
confused615 ( member #30826) posted at 3:20 PM on Monday, June 17th, 2013
I hit the anger(rage) phase about 5-6 months out. It's good that your WH sat and allowed you to say what you need to say without trying to defend himself..or worse..blame you..or even worse..feel sorry for himself.
The anger is normal...and healthy. Don't stuff those feelings inside,as they will come out in other ways..and none of them are good.
It takes 3-5 years to heal from this shit...and having a remorseful WS who reacts appropriately when their BS is having a meltdown,will certainly help your healing. I hope his reaction last night is indicative of his future reactions when you are angry.
BS(me)44
FWH 48
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
1Faith ( member #38975) posted at 5:22 PM on Monday, June 17th, 2013
Anger is normal and you have to go through it.
For me once the shock wore off and the "fight" to keep my husband was gone - I was pissed.
Pissed that he had put us in this situation, pissed he hurt me, pissed he disregarded me and our family. Just pissed for having to deal with it all.
So you are right on target with the anger. Let it flow.
Even if he is sorry he also needs to understand the magnitude of emotions you are feeling due to his horrible choices.
Don't beat yourself up for it. It is okay. Deep breaths and keep moving.
We are rooting for you.
(((hugs)))
Sometimes my life feels like a test I didn't study for
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