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Emotional abuse over Father's Day

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Faithful w/Love posted 6/17/2013 09:26 AM

I can not understand for the life of me why I dealt with this shit for so many years but I am starting to see alot of things more clear now.

Friday, he let me know again that he has no feelings for me like that but wants to remain friendly and got upset that I said "if we are not R than I don't see any reason for us to remain friendly except for kids and finances". So I did not hear from on Saturday. Yesterday, I was at DS bb game and he comes and we got along fine and he asks about Fathers Day. I said "Well, we can do something if you want because it is Fathers Day. And he did do something really special for Mother's Day for me but we were in R than.

Anyways long story short. I took to long I guess. I took the boys to get something to eat after the bb game because they had not eaten. Than I went to story to get dinner for his Fathers Day and got him his gift. Well, he leaves my place and texts me that " I am a bitch ass hoe from right to left, that I got gifts on Mothers day and he even cook for me and my fucking mom". Told me there is nothing speacial about me and on and on.

What pisses me off about his, is he told me that he doesn't want to be with me, and I was nice enough to be willing to cook for him and bought him a gift. And he also told me last week that he was going out to watch the BB game at the bar. And I didn't speak to him Saturday because he went out and already told me that he wants to be single.

I got alot of fuck you's and telling me that I am not shit.

I am so hurt that he would think of me like this. He had a FUCKING GIFT, HE could of had his DINNER, he could have had a nice Father's Day but he choose to leave and blame me assuming that he didn't get anything because I took to long with the boys after the basketball game.

I am in total shock by how he is treating.

Thanks for the vent.

Oh his gift was a new gas grill from the kids.

ButterflyGirl posted 6/17/2013 09:42 AM

I'm sorry honey. He doesn't sound remorseful at all. He is just manipulating you, blame shifting and gas lighting. He wants all the attention on you and your "mistakes" and none of it on him.


Please, 180 this guy and kick him to the curb and don't fall for his manipulation. He already said he wants out, so give it to him. You don't deserve this kind of treatment.


RyeBread posted 6/17/2013 09:43 AM

All I can do is shake my head...I've never understood why people have to be so disrespectful and abusive towards others. Is it so hard to be civil? For some I guess it is.

I very sorry you had to hear that.

Faithful w/Love posted 6/17/2013 09:45 AM

Thank you ButterFly, I know now that I don't deserve this at all. I deserve better. It just hurts when you know you didn't do anything wrong.

Also on friday he was telling me that because I assused him of cheating ( I saw the textes) that he did it because of that.. For 3.5 yrs. I let him know that I will not take the blame. He was being inapporiate with a female and he knows it and I called him out on it. So then he choose to cheat and have a relationship while married to me.

Why sitting here replaying all that was said it eye opening more and more for me.

Faithful w/Love posted 6/17/2013 09:53 AM

LOL, I am so pissed that I typos in my post. Sorry about that guy's.

I just can't fathom how one can get so upset for taking his and my child to eat and than flip out on me assuming that I didn't get him anything. The evil that come through those texts is horrible. To call me out of my name is .... WOW....

I mean I had all the stuff in the cart when he texted our son not ME... that said "tell you mom that I don't want fish now". So I put it all back. Not understanding trying to call him to see what was up and he would not answer. Got to my place and he was done and than I started getting all the nasty texts from him. I was clam and just said "you choose to leave, you had a gift and you would have had dinner, sorry you feel the way you feel". That is when I started getting the fuck you's and the calling me a bitch ass hoe.

I mean he calls me a hoe and I am faithful, but he doesn't think that way of OW when she was fucking him and all the other co workers... that is beside the piont but just pisses me off that he see's me like that.

WhatsRight posted 6/17/2013 09:56 AM

Sounds like he is aware of what a jackass HE is, and since you are NOT, he is redirecting all of it toward you.

I am so sorry you were treated that way.

Keep the grill.

ButterflyGirl posted 6/17/2013 10:05 AM

It just hurts when you know you didn't do anything wrong.

That's the gas lighting. It's so very hard to have to step back every time they say something and process it and determine the truth. I swear, we keep telling them the sky is blue, and they keep telling us it's green. It will drive you crazy trying to point out the truth of the situation to him. He doesn't care, he doesn't want to hear it, and he doesn't want to accept what he has done or take responsibility for any of it. The only solution is to walk away and stop listening to it, 180 and NC.

He said all those mean things to beat you down and try to get control over you. Please, please don't fall for it. You know he's the one with the problem. You can't fix him, you can only control you, and you need to walk away.

The fact that my STBX didn't love me anymore was hard enough to realize. The fact that he continued to manipulate and emotionally abuse me was even harder to realize and hurt even worse. The healthiest thing is to ignore it and get away from it. You can't make him be remorseful, but you can start demanding respect by putting up your boundaries and getting away from him.

Seriously, no one deserves that kind of treatment, all those F you's and telling you that you aren't special and beating you down. He just wants control over how you feel about yourself. Don't give it to him.

((((((((((Faithful w/Love))))))))

ButterflyGirl posted 6/17/2013 10:11 AM

I mean he calls me a hoe and I am faithful, but he doesn't think that way of OW when she was fucking him and all the other co workers..

I completely understand. I was always 100% faithful, yet he's called me a c*** tons and tons of times since we separated. Uh, how about you save that word for your MARRIED other woman asshole..

But it's just another of the many examples of him gas lighting and trying to beat you down. You have to stop listening to ANYTHING he says about you. He will only say things right now to try to manipulate and gas light you and get you in check. Don't believe ANY OF IT.

[This message edited by ButterflyGirl at 10:11 AM, June 17th (Monday)]

damncutekitty posted 6/17/2013 10:35 AM

Does the moron not understand how seperation works? If he cared about Father's Day he should have taken his kids out and done something with them. He said he does not want to be with you, that means you're not obligated to do ANYTHING for him anymore.

Return the grill and buy yourself something. From now on gifts from the kids should be stuff like macaroni art.

Faithful w/Love posted 6/17/2013 11:00 AM

Thank you guys. I know you are all correct and I am truly seeing that he is not a nice person when he doesn't have control of things. I have not been nasty back to him and I think that is eating him up.

I need to stop racking my brain around this trying to figure what the hell pisses him off so bad but then I think "who cares". Why beat myself up over it. I didn't do anything.

You know it amazes me how someone can treat another person like this.

Butterfly, Im sorry you had to go through this also. I don't wish that on anyone.

Seperation has been a good thing for me. When you are away from them and can marinate what they say or do, it actually makes you take off the rose color glasses and gives you a headache.

Wow is all I have to say. How could I love a man who would be this way to me. It is all on me to be honest for excepting it but not anymore.

Faithful w/Love posted 6/17/2013 11:02 AM

I know right? I mean why would he not want to be with the kids? Even tho they are bigger 19 and 14, still.

And yes, he has choose not to R again so I really am not obilgated to buy anything. I don't understand this at all.

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