well i idk if i mentioned that i did get tested before and my GYN said all my culture came back normal ....that we early on though. reason i ask is that we went from once every two week maybe to 2-3 times a day daily .
as far as TT you could be right whos to say what happened i only have what he tells me .
but before all this i had gut feeling there was more and i asked he told his story and im here not feeling anymore nagging feelings i feel i have enough information . on top of that there is only so much info you can gather from a ONS ....and those type hook ups your not looking to get to know the person when you have no plans on seeing them again.
i know his character because of the history we have and i know of his past relationships it all adds up to him not being the person to make the first move every girl he had a relationship with they started it and asked for more as did i , i was the one to flirt heavily and he and only then did he participated ... (hes not so much the hunter) so i do believe that she very much came on to him with the idea and he then followed up with a yes .
he also isnt big flirt so he doesnt normally get the attention hes a very quiet person which i why i can see why this ONS was easier then getting into LTA or EA he said they convo was really at a minimal because he didnt know what to say (not like he ever spoke dirty to anyone ever so why would it change for her on that night or felt like he could confide in her about "issues") that it all happen very quick she was edger and aggressive and he liked it . that they got to the room before he could ask her anything she pulled a condom from her purse and so on ...
idk it seems to me because i know how my WH is that the line of events that lead up to it all seem like it very well could have happened that way but who knows but i no longer feel a sick feeling telling me something is up like before. now i feel like im just dealing with the death of our marriage .
things are ok at home now and he is very attentive to me helps with everything from cleaning to cooking to listening , and when hes done he's asking what else can he do . i hate my reality very much but i know he is trying . i tell him i dont trust him and he of course understands why.
now im trying to push past the monster i see in my mind movies .
ive had dreams oddly that i was raped by someone i didnt know and i think it has to do with what im going through now . not having control and so on but all i can do i hope right that he sees the damage and never repeats it because despite how i feel about him i can not and will not go through this pain again my heart cant do it anymore ,and he knows that.
everyone deserves a second chance sure if they have proven to be remorseful but the second offense is where i draw the line very deep because if you dont have one they can cross over whenever they want and i cant allow that to be my life .
thing is im not here for my 2 girls im here because i love him he is my first love and i lost my virginity to him and i wanted my whole life to be with him and still do . i also know that just because i have two kids doesnt mean im hopeless in finding someone else that will love me . im a catch i know that even with my kids hell the person would be doubly blessed to have my girls in theyre lives but i dont want that i want my husband.
he sure as hell doesnt want that .