SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Lately, I've been getting triggered even more often. Watched a movie with my husband yesterday, and a scene in a hotel made me physically ill. Decided to drink several beers and try to ignore it. Enjoyed the rest of the night.

This morning however, after falling back to sleep, I had a terrible nightmare about being with my husband at a hotel and then finding out it was the same room they met up in.

It's ruined my mood, my day, and sometimes it feels like this will never stop. If I can't look at a hotel room on tv, how will I ever stay in one again? My husband is taking a week off for our anniversary this year and we're taking a camping trip. Next year though will be our 15th anniversary and I'd like to spend it at the beach. I'm wondering if there is some way to desensitize myself so that maybe 13 months from now, I can stay in a hotel room without the OW's ugly mug in my head.

I've done better with the daily mind movies. Even got quite creative in changing them up. At first, all I could think of was the photos I found of them looking like a couple, and I'd imagine her face melting off from some disease, or her being in an accident that involved making her even less attractive. That didn't do much for me though but raise my blood pressure.

Now, I think of my husband's embarrassment over her. I think of how I'd never want to watch him on the toilet or picking his nose, so why sit and think of him doing something even more disgusting. Then I imagine him on the toilet and her face swirling around the bowl. I'm literally imagining her as a big poo he's taken and while that may make me a little insane, it makes me laugh and that's much better than the rage that comes with imagining her suffering.

If I could just get over the hotel room thing.....

That's too bad. The mind-movies really suck, and it's virtually impossible to find a decent drama or comedy that doesn't involve betrayal, so the triggers can just keep coming relentlessly.

OK...8 months out...can you share what you've been doing to recover so far? IC? MC? Is your H remorseful? How are you taking care of yourself physically?

I'm 9 months out and I still get them, but have learned to control them.

First, IC taught me 'tapping' or Emotional Freedom Tecnnique to take the power of them away, and then he taught me to do it without the actual tapping.

Over time, I've been able to use that and now can usually get rid of mind movies in 5-10 seconds.

Only really got successful at about 6 months, so you are not too far off from me.

Keep trying to thing good things when they come up.

Our first time in a hotel was approx. 2 months after D-Day. Very difficult which is why a few glasses of wine helped.

I am very strong-willed and REFUSE to let the affair person DOMINATE my thoughts. It is damn hard.

The second time in a hotel was with our kids at month 3 - much easier...but then she contacted him. The third time was a few weeks ago. We had a blast!

I am in IC and MC. I read a lot. You might want to check out Emily Brown's book: Affairs: Repercussions of Infidelity (something like that).

Good luck to you.

Thanks sisoon, it's at least comforting to know that it's not just me being triggered constantly with movies or things on television. As far as what we are doing, I've not tried MC or IC yet, but I did see my family Dr. with my husband months ago so I could get something for my panic disorder. I always had anxiety problems and this has compounded the issue. I did get a referral to a psychologist from the family Dr. but have been unable to get a current phone number and location for the Dr. I did leave a message with my family Dr. today to see if he can refer me to someone else, or can locate her current practice.

As far as my husband goes, he's been extremely remorseful and tries very hard to do everything that he can do to be transparent and to make me feel safe. At his suggestion, we both got iphones so I can locate and message him at any time. He used work time as his excuse during the affair. He also got me the log-in to his employer so that I can check his hours at any time, and I didn't have to ask for these things. He's read some things I have passed along, but not as much as I would like him to. He does spend every spare moment with me and he messages me frequently throughout the day. I think we are still in HB as far as the sex goes and I'm nervous about finding a new normal for that.

Also, thanks to SecondHelping, I'm googling that tapping technique you mentioned. Hopefully I'll find a good psychologist soon that can deal with both my anxiety and the infidelity issues.

For LA44, just gotta say WOW. Can't imagine facing a hotel room so quickly after DDay. That was very brave. I know that once I do it, the next time won't be so bad, but I'm literally terrified of the idea. I work so hard to stay in the present now that things are going well and I really don't think I could take it now. The last time I had to go by the hotel they stayed at, I was in bed for days and feeling very suicidal. I may have to save my biggest triggers for counseling.

I am almost 9 months out and still have almost daily mind movies and the nightmares - ugh - they are so bad :-(

Just wanted to say I feel your pain.

"reclaiming" things is rough for sure but I refuse to let his A "claim" anymore from my life. If a hotel was my issue, I'd ask my WH to reserve a *REALLY*, *REALLY* nice room in a cool city and go all out on romance. Make you feel like a princess, even if you spend the night crying and screaming at him. Sometimes the hardest things to overcome are actually therapeutic.

What help me with the mind movies is knowing about the sex they had like positions and where they had sex. I am sorry you had to join the club of infieldelity. I hope this reply helps you in some way