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huRtZ413 posted 6/17/2013 12:23 PM

there is a lack of good stories and its pretty sad to only see 5 pages , is that what i can expect ? id like to think we have beat the odds before and that we can come out of this stronger because the efforts are there but i come here to look for ppl with the same story and its hard to find ....and most cases WS is unremorseful or is but its not enough or what ever else.

FeelingSoMuch posted 6/17/2013 12:26 PM

I'm a little worried about that, too.

Could it be that if/when things start to go well people stop posting here?

SuperDuperWonderboy posted 6/17/2013 12:32 PM

There are lots of good stories in here. You may be right that people tend to stop posting as much when things are going really well. I know that I rarely post about my situation anymore.

Even some initially unremorseful waywards eventually turn it around. See my wife, for example.

huRtZ413 posted 6/17/2013 12:32 PM

i hope thats the case.

i feel like my WH and i got a hurtful but new start on a better foundation .

he knows my past i know his and we know his screw up and how he intends on fixing it and realizing where we went wrong what we stopped doing and are focusing on each other instead of everything else.

[This message edited by huRtZ413 at 12:36 PM, June 17th (Monday)]

LA44 posted 6/17/2013 12:33 PM

Could it be that if/when things start to go well people stop posting here?

I think that is very likely FSM.

Given that I post on R, I try to make my stories as positive as possible. I could only do this if my H was remorseful. I couldn't even say we were in R otherwise.

His remorse and daily affirmations about how much he loves me and the fact that he goes to IC is quite good for me.

For my part, I have to be accepting of his love. We are now in this together.


confused615 posted 6/17/2013 12:39 PM

Reconciling after infidelity is hard,messy,painful shitty work most days. I do appreciate the positive stories..they give me hope. But I also appreciate the fact that we share our ups and downs and struggles during makes me feel like Im not crazy..Im normal...and what I am feeling is ok.

Not all the positive R stories are posted in the thread at the top of the forum. If you look through the R forum,you will find them.

tushnurse posted 6/17/2013 12:43 PM

I don't know why there are only 5 pages. I am a good story. I had a tough start, with a great outcome. Feel free to read my profile.

Go down to F&G check out the profiles of folks down there, you will find many who have successfully R'd, and others that D'd, but are just as happy.

Don't be discouraged, your situation is your own, and you cannot bet your outcome from statistics.

Love yourself, respect yourself, and demand the same from your spouse, and the rest will happen.

((((and strength))))

AFrayedKnot posted 6/17/2013 12:47 PM

It seems to me that there are three stages of R postings here.

1 the first is looking for help. In this stage there is a lot of venting and relating and looking for hope. This is a panic stage. This is where most of the posts are started. If you read through the comments you catch glimpses of hope from the people who have been where you are and are doing a lot better.

2 the next stage seems to be the gun shy stage. These people still tend to be on here a lot but don't start as many posts. They seem scared to say thing are good because bad days still come and go. They offer hope and suggestions frequently. I think I am at this stage.

3 this stage are the people who don't come on as much. They are busy enjoying their new lives. They show up I little more randomly. They offer a lot more hope. again they don't start as many posts but their comments are full of wisdom and strength.

If you are looking for hope and strength ask for it. Its easier for it to find you than for you to find it.

losingmyground posted 6/17/2013 12:49 PM

I have been married 14 yrs. He cheated in our 12th yr.

Since finding out and confronting, he has not had any inappropriate communications with any woman. Yes there have been things that make me nervous, which is totally normal, but nothing bad.

We are a year out from Dday and I am feeling a little bit better about the state of our marriage. I get nervous and angry at times, but much better than the first 6 months.

I hope that we are the story you are looking for. He is remorseful and works hard most of the time. But no said it would be easy.

SuperDuperWonderboy posted 6/17/2013 12:58 PM

JNRPA and I are about 18 months from DDAY. Some of you may remember that we had a really rough time in the early stages of R. Filed for Divorce at about month 6.

Now, we still have pain associated with the affair, but are in a good and loving place. Communication is excellent and my trust level with her is at 99% (never gonna be 100, but hey, 99 is pretty damn good.)

On Friday JNRPA met me at work, had arranged a sitter, and we had date/sushi night, and a fantastic time.

Woke up Saturday with a brand new Driver (golf club) and a tee time with my buddy. Played golf till 1--then went and saw superman with my son. Met the rest of the family after the movie for dinner and the hockey game.

Woke up Sunday with another surprise Tee time, and breakfast with the family. Played golf until 1 (wife took my car and had it detailed while at golf)--Then we had a bbq at our friends house.

Great weekend. Great life. A new life. And I am thankful everyday that both of us waded through the shit and the muck together.

It's kind of like the end of Shawshank.

[This message edited by wonderboy at 12:59 PM, June 17th (Monday)]

catlover50 posted 6/17/2013 13:27 PM

I think my story is good with a remorseful spouse who is becoming the H of my dreams. I post about the good times, but need more help when the roller coaster is on a downward slant.

I actually posted one on positive reconciliation stories, but not as many people read there.

There is actually a fair amount of hope here. Don't despair!

Kelany posted 6/17/2013 13:34 PM

We are on the path to a positive story. But we aren't completely there yet, as of course there are things we're still working on. Mostly my pain. We're only 11 months our from DDay 2, two years out from DDAY 1.

I fully believe we will R. But, there is still work to do. I don't want to put the cart before the horse.

TXBW68 posted 6/17/2013 14:14 PM

I posted on the positive recon stories thread just this morning!

I am one of many who has somehow managed to come out on the other side with a better marriage than I had before...because he's doing the work again. He lost sight of what's important in life for a while. He's back on track now. Feel free to read my story on my profile.

I lived in D/S for many months. R did not feel normal to me at first. But I've come to realize that nuggets of wisdom can come from any of the forums. I lurk in Waywards. I still comment in D/S also. I don't feel like I need a lot of immediate help these days so I don't start too many threads anymore. But I want to pay back to SI what was given to me in my early days. So I try to help others in their time of need.

You are right though. Most of the posts are people hurting - in any of the forums. I feel uncomfortable posting how happy my marriage is now when there are so many people that are hurting. I feel the same way in real life.

Right now, 2 of my closest coworkers are going thru divorces because their spouses cheated. My H woke up. But so far, their spouses are not. I feel funny about wearing my new wedding band around them, talking about my happy life, etc. I don't want to hurt my friends. I try to empathize with them and help them get thru the mess because I've been there, done that.

I'll end by saying this: Thanks to a lot of support on SI and IRL, I managed to survive a 10 month separation, being a single parent all of those months, dating my H again and somehow falling in love with him again. It seems rare, but it can happen when you least expect it!

((hugs to all))

HFSSC posted 6/17/2013 14:18 PM

I shared this in General last week. This is a video that my H and I made for a local radio station that was very instrumental in our recovery. In fact, we might as well be on staff at the station now, and we/they are like family to each other.

I could not possibly ask for a more remorseful, more devoted H than I have today. I am absolutely in love with him and we take time every single day to build each other up and also to work on our M.

cdnmommy posted 6/17/2013 14:19 PM

I am not sure I've ever posted in that thread, though I've posted a few separate stories before. The most recent is this:

karmahappens posted 6/17/2013 14:36 PM

I have posted things, but not on the positive R thread.

We are coming up to 6 years from the A. We have R'd and are happy and thriving.

I only found SI a year ago, it helped me from year 4-5 when I was still struggling with the OW and my anger towards her. I had some residual hidden anger I didn't know was there but I found it pretty damn quick after reading some posts

For us, R was hard, because healing broken people is hard. It's messy, it's frightening. You go places you haven't been before and it is a world we had never experienced.

He was an easy fix though,once we did decide we wanted R... remorseful, set boundaries and was transparent. Never minded a question or my tears.

Not once did he tell me to get over it or act as though he wanted me to just stop grieving.

He shattered my heart that day in August 2007, but he has been the biggest piece to putting it back together.

We celebrated our 25th anniversary this March and I can honestly say we are blessed. We work hard still, we talk, we play, we live and we fight

The difference now, we live in our lives, if that makes sense. We don't hide issues or skip through things. We walk through them, together.

Happy can happen after an A. Your happy may not be married, not all paths can be. Both roads are hard but you have to get to a place that you know which road you are supposed to take....and that takes time.

The most important piece to remember is to be honest and good to YOU. Whatever you decide is best will only bring happiness when you look at the future honestly.


I actually posted a few weeks ago regarding my thoughts on below if you want to read it.

[This message edited by karmahappens at 2:49 PM, June 17th (Monday)]

huRtZ413 posted 6/17/2013 14:53 PM

glad to hear you guys are doing great!
i love my husband is has been the only man in my whole life (my father was in and out) and he was someone i had dreamed of being with before all this i thought wow how lucky to have my first love the life of my life be my husband .......most hurtful heart beak ever though!!! lord help me

forgivingnow posted 6/18/2013 09:01 AM

We have a good story . Today we celebrate 30 years of marriage. We have a real marriage, we are surviving infidelity, together. This path has brought our relationship to a place of incredible passion and strength. We don't take each other for granted, we put each other first and we ask for what we need. He wrote in my card this morning "I'm so grateful for us. You are the love of my life. I'm so excited for the next 30 years."

This has been the most painful thing to happen to me. You are still so close to dday. You will survive this. I am so grateful to the brave, kind people here on SI who told me I could survive the type of betrayal my husband had done when I came on here and asked in October 2011.


refuz2bavictim posted 6/18/2013 09:18 AM

The good stories tend to fall off the page rather quickly.

They don't usually generate the same amount of responses as controversial or difficult topics.

It's the nature of what brings us here.

I posted one just last night and I have an update from this morning that I haven't had time to write just yet.

Keep reading...they are here!

karmahappens posted 6/18/2013 10:16 AM

Happy Anniversary forgivingnow


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