SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Im not sure if Im posting this in the right place but here it goes. 1st Ill start with a back story. A few years ago my friend cheating on his W. I was so angry with him when I found out I wouldn't speak to him for about a year. His W calls me up tells me she has forgiven him, they are working on it and for me to please talk to him because he misses our friendship. I remember thinking "Wow, what an amazing, strong woman". I always knew she was great I love her to pieces. Anyways, I start talking with my friend again we build back up our friendship. Fast-forward to a couple night ago. He calls we talk for a bit but I had a feeling something was up. I asked he finally told me. His BW had taken the kids and left. We talked then bam he throws in there he has been chatting with this girl. The red flag goes off in my head. I start asking questions, how long, about what, does his BW know about this. He read to me a couple messages sent between him and this OW. I had to tell him to stop. All this anger just bubbled up inside me. I told him he crossed the line. That he was having an EA. I told him no wonder his marriage wasn't working. Plus I did call him a few names selfish, idiot ect. After I had calmed down I asked him if he wanted to save his marriage, he said yes. I told him he needed to NC this other woman. Send her a message saying he wanted his marriage, he had crossed the line, he can no longer be in contact with her and to not try and get a hold of him. I also told him save it so he can show his BW if she wanted to see it. I also told him he has 3 days to tell his BW. To come clean about everything. I told him he should get into IC. He has been seeing the pastor through their church. But the way I think of it is if he hasn't figured out how he is broken inside after these past few years he needs to find another counselor and really truly work on it. I told him about this site. I told him he has to tell his BW because she has a right to know. She has the right to choose how to live her life and not with his secrets and lies. It makes me so sad because I looked at them as a sign of hope. That marriages can be happy and healthy after an A. Im just disappointed. I do question some of the things I told him. Not about telling his BW. I stand by that. Because I wish someone would have told my WH "this is wrong, you need to stop and you need to fix it". I don't want to hurt my friends BW but I will not keep his dirty secret. I guess Im just wondering if I should of handled it different. Should I have said your and idiot and just hung up? This has put me in a weird place in my head because Im still trying to sort through my own WH A. How my friend was talking to this OW is the same way my WH was talking to his OW. Its like being punched in the gut. UGH! Sorry just needed to get all of this out.