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Newest Member: 2ndtimernd (45746)

User Topic: Was this unkind?
JanaGreen
♀ 29341
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yesterday I triggered when my H said he'd like to go to a certain vacation spot so he could take his dad fishing there. The last time we were there, he was distant, cold, and texting this chick - the one I busted him asking out shortly after we returned.

He said he was sorry and that we should go and make new, happier memories, and that he's glad I'm with him and feels lucky to have me.

I replied (in a calm voice, not a mean one) that I am glad I stayed too, even though I had every reason to run and all signs pointed to that being the right move. Then I reiterated that I was glad to be with him.

Was it mean of me to say that I had every reason to run? Or am I WAY overthinking this conversation, which my H has probably forgotten about already?


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 5-year-old daughter. Baby Green 2.0 expected June 2015!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 6923 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
Rebreather
♀ 30817
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The truth can be harsh, but it is still the truth.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6646 | Registered: Jan 2011
fourever
♀ 30631
Member # 30631
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not at all. You can't turn off triggers. I can't stand the thoughts of those things either. Sorry, but we were collateral damage, they will need to deal with it.
You feel what you feel, it still hurts.


In R since shortly after DD.
Discovered what was right in front of him and nearly lost.

Always, tell the other BS! Always!

"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies"!


Posts: 894 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Northeast
tushnurse
♀ 21101
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

what rebreather said.

Let it go. He knows hes one lucky guy. Quit feeling bad, instead focus on him wanting to make it YOURS again with better new memories.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8792 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
cdnmommy
♀ 30182
Member # 30182
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IMO the fact that you had every reason to leave but are still glad you didn't makes the statement more meaningful.

It's your truth, Jana.


Me: BW
DDay: Oct 2010 + 6 weeks false R
2.5 (+?) year A with married coworker/my "friend"
1 great kid.
Reconciling and healing

Posts: 1767 | Registered: Nov 2010
Blobette
♀ 36519
Member # 36519
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why on earth are you worried about being "mean"? You just said what's true. I worry about you if you're so considerate of your WH's feelings. Is he as considerate of yours?


BS (me): 50
WS: 50
Married: 26 yrs
Kids: 2
OW: Co-worker, 7 yr LTA
DD 8/1/2012, Working on R

Posts: 1061 | Registered: Aug 2012
JanaGreen
♀ 29341
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 8:06 AM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why on earth are you worried about being "mean"? You just said what's true. I worry about you if you're so considerate of your WH's feelings. Is he as considerate of yours?

I don't think it's a bad thing to try not to be mean to my husband, as he's remorseful and trying to be a good husband. He's generally not as sensitive to my feelings, but he tries to be considerate. He's made many efforts to do kind things for me, and I don't want to continually throw his mistakes in his face when he's working to be a better husband.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 5-year-old daughter. Baby Green 2.0 expected June 2015!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 6923 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
HardenMyHeart
♂ 15902
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think it's a bad thing to try not to be mean to my husband, as he's remorseful and trying to be a good husband.

I agree. I think you just answered your own question.


Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 30 years, Reconciled

Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.


Posts: 5717 | Registered: Aug 2007
Topic Posts: 8

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