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Was this unkind?

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JanaGreen posted 6/17/2013 12:41 PM

Yesterday I triggered when my H said he'd like to go to a certain vacation spot so he could take his dad fishing there. The last time we were there, he was distant, cold, and texting this chick - the one I busted him asking out shortly after we returned.

He said he was sorry and that we should go and make new, happier memories, and that he's glad I'm with him and feels lucky to have me.

I replied (in a calm voice, not a mean one) that I am glad I stayed too, even though I had every reason to run and all signs pointed to that being the right move. Then I reiterated that I was glad to be with him.

Was it mean of me to say that I had every reason to run? Or am I WAY overthinking this conversation, which my H has probably forgotten about already?

Rebreather posted 6/17/2013 12:42 PM

The truth can be harsh, but it is still the truth.

fourever posted 6/17/2013 12:44 PM

Not at all. You can't turn off triggers. I can't stand the thoughts of those things either. Sorry, but we were collateral damage, they will need to deal with it.
You feel what you feel, it still hurts.

tushnurse posted 6/17/2013 12:45 PM

what rebreather said.

Let it go. He knows hes one lucky guy. Quit feeling bad, instead focus on him wanting to make it YOURS again with better new memories.

cdnmommy posted 6/17/2013 15:11 PM

IMO the fact that you had every reason to leave but are still glad you didn't makes the statement more meaningful.

It's your truth, Jana.

Blobette posted 6/17/2013 18:20 PM

Why on earth are you worried about being "mean"? You just said what's true. I worry about you if you're so considerate of your WH's feelings. Is he as considerate of yours?

JanaGreen posted 6/18/2013 08:06 AM

Why on earth are you worried about being "mean"? You just said what's true. I worry about you if you're so considerate of your WH's feelings. Is he as considerate of yours?

I don't think it's a bad thing to try not to be mean to my husband, as he's remorseful and trying to be a good husband. He's generally not as sensitive to my feelings, but he tries to be considerate. He's made many efforts to do kind things for me, and I don't want to continually throw his mistakes in his face when he's working to be a better husband.

HardenMyHeart posted 6/18/2013 09:38 AM

I don't think it's a bad thing to try not to be mean to my husband, as he's remorseful and trying to be a good husband.

I agree. I think you just answered your own question.

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