I read this "there is nothing a WS can do to erase what they've done". That stings. I guess I just want to vent.
I hurt. I am hurting. I have been all today. I guess pain is now a norm. The pain and sting and ache of being betrayed by the one person I trusted with my life. I am so sad that my WH has done this. I feel empty. I feel like the love that we once had is no longer there. Yes I love him, but not like I did. The love I have now still doesnt quite feel full. Sometimes I feel indifference. I have so much hate for the OW.
Ive told my WH that WHEN she goes to hell, I will follow her, and I will go after her. I have a hate that she was so special that she convinced and took my WH away from me.
I feel so hurt. I am SO HURT. What is hurting a lot is the fact that my WH MADE me put up the OW's Christmas card (even tho I suspected something was going on) and made me hang it in our house at Xmas when he KNEW he was fucking her.
It hurts me that I went to lunch with her to try and make her see me as a real person, to try and stop something before it happened (I was too late anyways), and she sat there and LIED to me, and tried to make me think she was a good person, and suggested that we all four go and see fireworks on July 4th. And had the nerve to say to me "tell your husband to stop calling me" when i told her that the calls outside of work were bothering me.
It hurts me that I worked TWO jobs to get him over to this country, and even while I was pregnant with twins to support us when he couldnt work.
I hurt. I am in so much pain now that every single time that I look at my WH I see the OW and what they did together and betrayal.
I loved him so much, and he is trying, but I dont trust him.
I feel like our whole relationship was a lie. I feel like I am ugly and worthless, and I cant seem to shake that feeling. I feel like I cant talk to my WH, and I feel lost.
I just cant get over that my Wh cheated on me. I am broken. I am nothing but pieces left of a once whole and happy person to have finally found her soulmate and surived the several years across an ocean trying to be together.
I hate that all women seem to go crazy for my WH's accent. I used to feel special when girls would do that...like yes I got him and all the girls like him and his accent, but now I dont feel special anymore. Because I wasnt special....he just found someone else to have sex with.
We are trying to R, but I just needed to vent.
[This message edited by heartbroken2012 at 3:10 PM, June 17th (Monday)]