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Newest Member: Giupeppe (46032)

User Topic: Nothing a Ws can do to erase what they've done...
heartbroken2012
♀ 38089
Member # 38089
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I read this "there is nothing a WS can do to erase what they've done". That stings. I guess I just want to vent.

I hurt. I am hurting. I have been all today. I guess pain is now a norm. The pain and sting and ache of being betrayed by the one person I trusted with my life. I am so sad that my WH has done this. I feel empty. I feel like the love that we once had is no longer there. Yes I love him, but not like I did. The love I have now still doesnt quite feel full. Sometimes I feel indifference. I have so much hate for the OW.

Ive told my WH that WHEN she goes to hell, I will follow her, and I will go after her. I have a hate that she was so special that she convinced and took my WH away from me.

I feel so hurt. I am SO HURT. What is hurting a lot is the fact that my WH MADE me put up the OW's Christmas card (even tho I suspected something was going on) and made me hang it in our house at Xmas when he KNEW he was fucking her.

It hurts me that I went to lunch with her to try and make her see me as a real person, to try and stop something before it happened (I was too late anyways), and she sat there and LIED to me, and tried to make me think she was a good person, and suggested that we all four go and see fireworks on July 4th. And had the nerve to say to me "tell your husband to stop calling me" when i told her that the calls outside of work were bothering me.

It hurts me that I worked TWO jobs to get him over to this country, and even while I was pregnant with twins to support us when he couldnt work.

I hurt. I am in so much pain now that every single time that I look at my WH I see the OW and what they did together and betrayal.

I loved him so much, and he is trying, but I dont trust him.
I feel like our whole relationship was a lie. I feel like I am ugly and worthless, and I cant seem to shake that feeling. I feel like I cant talk to my WH, and I feel lost.

I just cant get over that my Wh cheated on me. I am broken. I am nothing but pieces left of a once whole and happy person to have finally found her soulmate and surived the several years across an ocean trying to be together.

I hate that all women seem to go crazy for my WH's accent. I used to feel special when girls would do that...like yes I got him and all the girls like him and his accent, but now I dont feel special anymore. Because I wasnt special....he just found someone else to have sex with.

We are trying to R, but I just needed to vent.


[This message edited by heartbroken2012 at 3:10 PM, June 17th (Monday)]


BS(Me) - 32
WS(HUbbie) - 40
OW - 44 (a ugly, old, white trash horse faced Coworker)
Affair was 2 months long
3 kids - 5yr old, and twins 8 months
Dday - 12/25/12 (lots of signs before I should have seen)

Posts: 561 | Registered: Jan 2013
loveisareddress
♀ 36474
Member # 36474
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a hate that she was so special that she convinced and took my WH away from me.

She wasn't special and neither was he.

(((((heartbroken)))))


Scorched earth-Like Peter the Great, he burns up his own territory in order to gain the upper hand while his own people suffer.

I don't need you to be happy. I just need you to leave me alone when I am.


Posts: 445 | Registered: Aug 2012
Jospehine85
♀ 35971
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((heartbroken2012))))

I am pretty sure you were quoting me:

"there is nothing a WS can do to erase what they've done"

I am so sorry that it triggered you and is causing a bad day for you.

I hope you didn't take my statement to mean that nothing will ever make your pain better. Your pain will get better with your WH showing you love and remorse over time.

I meant that statement in the same way others on SI have said "you can't unfuck that donkey". The A is your new reality. It is part of your marital history now. THAT will never change.

But what has also been said here on SI is that the A is simply a chapter in the book. The rest of the book can be so much better.

I hope your WH is doing everything he can to make you feel safer. I hope he is transparent, remorseful, kind and compassionate.

I am 13 months out now and the pain is FAR less then it was at 6 months. The trust can be rebuilt with honesty from your WH.


Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 1052 | Registered: Jun 2012
SoVerySadNow
♀ 36711
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is nothing my WS can say or do to make this better-I realized this at about my four month mark from dd. There are no words to erase it or turn back time. Positive actions on his part might make the present better, but the past is what it is.

It sounds like you are having these thoughts too- all normal. Painfully normal.
I'm so sorry.


Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
rachelc
♀ 30314
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH MADE me put up the OW's Christmas card (even tho I suspected something was going on) and made me hang it in our house at Xmas when he KNEW he was fucking her.

this is a new kind of sick. I'm so sorry. ((heart))

[This message edited by rachelc at 4:11 PM, June 17th (Monday)]


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”


Posts: 5771 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
nofool4u
♂ 38509
Member # 38509
Default  Posted: 4:21 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just cant get over that my Wh cheated on me. I am broken.

There is one surefire way to get over it and I believe this helps a majority of the time.
And that is to get rid of him, get out there and date again, and once you find a good man, you'll wish you would have done it sooner.

If I had stayed with my x-wife, I know I wouldn't be over it, and it would eat me up every day. But after divorcing her and dating again, I'm loving life.
You want to get over what your H did? Find someone that can show you there is better out there for you.


Me - fBS

Posts: 210 | Registered: Feb 2013
Shattered-Heart
♀ 32165
Member # 32165
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh heartbroken, mine breaks with you.
I totally empathize with the long distance relationship and doing everything to get together and *bammo!* - some lowlife whore-face hunts him down and he *gives in*!!!
I just hope he's working his ARSE off and realizes just *exactly* what a stupid, stupid, ludicrous thing he did and goes to the ends of the earth to keep you.
All I can say is I'm so in the same boat, right down to the stupid accent. Just wish I could give you a great, big, real life hug.
I hope anger kicks in soon; in many ways it feels better, even though it's definitely stemming from this depth of hurt.
If you ever want, pm me.


Me BW
Him WH
"The trick is to keep breathing." - Garbage

Posts: 191 | Registered: May 2011
sisoon
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 5:49 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I get your grief. Being betrayed does that to a person.

You can heal. In fact, by feeing your grief, you ARE healing. It's painful, but it's necessary, and it takes longer than you want it to, but you are healing.

Gently, you have to heal yourself. It will be a big mistake to look for validation from someone else, whether that someone else is your H or a new man.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10758 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
crazyblindsided
♀ 35215
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 6:05 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((heartbroken2012))))

I am in the same place as you today. In fact I discussed this in therapy today. I just feel constant pain as well and I am so exhausted from the grief. My IC says I am still grieving. I am and I am still bouncing between all of the stages.

Lately my WH has been doing everything right, but I don't seem to care. All I want to do is belittle him and his little whore. The two losers they both are.

My therapist asked me to start keeping a journal and see if I am getting better.

I'm still not sure if his last A was a dealbreaker or not. It may have been. The part that I cannot get over is his loyalty that he displayed to her. I can't get past that part.

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 6:05 PM, June 17th (Monday)]


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
jjsr
♀ 34353
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am not sure of your dd but I will tell you, that at almost 2 years out from our dd's, I understand what you are feeling and its totally normal. I will also say that if you do intend to R there is going to come a point when you have to accept that this is a part of your marriage if you want to move forward in R.


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1667 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
Topic Posts: 10

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