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refuz2bavictim posted 6/17/2013 17:16 PM

R is a tough road, and sometimes we need a positive message to help carry us along on the journey. I thought I might share one of mine on this day.

Fwh and I have been living separately for just about 3 years. It was for work/school situation (not A related) and he is overseas at the moment. It has been challenging to say the least. We are coming up on some difficult dates in the next few days.
I was a bit surprised at this text, as I have been too busy to even remember the date. He rarely brings up the A topic on his own, even though he will open up about it when I bring it up. It may appear shallow and without much substance, but I know that it wasn't something he was able to do easily.

I think that you are pretty and I love you. I know we are hitting some painful dates for our marriage, and I want you to know that you are the love of my life and I want nothing else but to see you soon and look into your eyes to tell you how much you mean to me. I love you! (insert hearts and other emoticons)

It will be 4 years soon.

I never thought I could manage that kind of pain this long. But it lessened with time, as I grew stronger and worked my way through the hurt. None of it easy or erased. But I do know that he has had to put aside his own discomfort to acknowledge that horrible past and maybe even risk opening up an emotional flood from me.
I don't find the reminder painful. In fact I felt relief and sense of connection. And I knew he wanted to let me know, that he hasn't forgotten or minimized the pain his actions have caused.

Then a few hours later, we had a disagreement about something entirely non A related. That felt.....well.....normal.

JustWow posted 6/17/2013 18:49 PM


Undone1 posted 6/17/2013 21:12 PM

AHHHHH That is a very sweet text!

sisoon posted 6/18/2013 11:35 AM

I just want to say I hope that you can live together as soon as possible.

The emotional connection is wonderful, but it's especially nice to be able to reach out and find your partner right next to you.

authenticnow posted 6/18/2013 11:56 AM

I'm very happy that you and your H are doing well.

catlover50 posted 6/18/2013 11:58 AM

Good for you both!

refuz2bavictim posted 6/18/2013 18:49 PM

Thank you all very much. I appreciate the time that each one of you took to respond.

I meant to post an update to that text, but had a rather busy morning and could only find small bits of time to focus on much of anything. All NON A related!!! Which we all know is a blessing to be consumed by mundane life events!

FWH sent an email to me, elaborating on his text.
I won't post it as I feel it he wanted to have everyone read it, he would have posted it himself. I will allow him to share what he feels he wants to share with everyone.

I can tell you what he did do in this email. He didn't skim the surface or take a shallow approach.

1. He owned his *shit* and made NO excuses.
2. Acknowledged my pain without minimizing.
3. Apologized again without conditions, "buts" or justifications.
4. Focused/recognized the steps he has taken to improve himself.
5. Focused on what he would like to see in the future.

And....for the piece de resistance....... He totally screwed up the date!


Nothing about that Affair was so mind blowing that he can recall the correct date. This coming from the man who remembers every single date to every single important event in his life. He never forgets the date of a marriage, death or birth....but his A with the woman who he "loved"....ummmm he muffed that date up.

This puts it all in perspective.

You see this A culminated into sex....and that mind blowing moment happened 4 years ago TOMORROW! Not today.

It's been on his mind for 3 days...with the time change and all. He wanted to make certain he addressed this painful date!

I'd say that pretty much sums it up! Affairs are the stuff unicorns, fairies and snipes are made of.

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