SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

15kat16 posted 6/17/2013 17:57 PM

I'm an emotional train wreck this week. I, for some stupid reason, thought he would want to avoid having this go to court, but it looks like he's not going to bend on settlement negotiations so we're going to court. Even though this 30 yr marriage has been realistically over for 5 or more yrs, it still takes my breath away that it will actually be over. He's been out of the house since 10/11, out of his mind for a long time-I would never ever want him back, but still, 30 yrs is a long time. His affair with the CFO of our company was public long before they "came out" and with both of our sons working there, my knowing for so long, and his flaunting of it all, there could be no other outcome. I just feel so empty.As though my life has no meaning.My attorney says he'll have me on the stand for at least an hour or more with his questions, then god knows what my STBX atty will have to ask. One very good thing is that "she" has been subpoenaed to testify since she's the CFO as to financial issues BUT I will so enjoy watching her squirm & sweat as atty asks her about all the trips they've taken in the last year and a half using marital and company assets. I'm in a very strange and lonely place right now - this seemed like the spot to vent. Comments welcome...

nowiknow23 posted 6/17/2013 18:02 PM

Sending you all kinds of strength and positive energy. (((((15kat16)))))

movingfast posted 6/17/2013 18:40 PM

{Hugs}

I can relate to the emotional train wreck. I only had a 14 year marriage, but it was still hard to believe it was all going to be over. For me, no matter what had happened and no matter what I knew, it was still very surreal for the judge to legally declare our marriage was irrecovably broken. :-(

It's hard to come to terms with the fact you spent so many years with someone only to have it end this way. I questioned a lot about me, the relationship, etc. However, what I found was what I knew to be true in my heart. My marriage wasn't a lie. This wasn't something ex set out to do. He broke and rather than reaching out for help, he became a desperate man trying to patch the hole inside with "something" rather than trying to fix the hole. I know our children were conceived in love and I know ex truly believed it would be "til death do us part" when he said I do on our wedding day. Those truths helped. I still struggle at times, but it helps to know it wasn't predestined, it was personal choice...personal BAD choice.

I'm surprised your stbxwh is going with the full court. My ex had his affair with our company bookkeeper and went through thousands of $$$ to fund the affair. He ended up agreeing to our marital settlement partly to "get it over with" and partly to avoid the attorney going after/through the company books. Smart move because those $$$ spent on the affair had some dire consequences to the business.

Anyway, I wish you the best. I know even just answering simple yes/no questions I teared up a couple of times, so I can't imagine being questioned for an hour. Be strong. You've made it this far and you can do what you need to do to find the freedom you deserve.

15kat16 posted 6/17/2013 19:02 PM

Thank you so much for the supportive responses. Nick, your strength & positive energy are so needed & so appreciated. Movingfast,you've said it so very well. Our marriage, until the last years, was not a lie. There were many many good years and good times that I'll always cherish. But I do not doubt ever that this is the best and only way I can take my life now. He is broken & filling the void with so much superficial "stuff". The pain will come & go, as it has for so long, and I'll continue to grieve, but less & less. We women seem to have an inner something that just keeps us moving forward in spite of seemingly unbearable hurt. Right now I know that it will hurt, I go with it, and keep on.

homewrecked2011 posted 6/17/2013 21:06 PM

This was a very hard time for me, too. We finally settled the day before the hearing, so you may still get your settlement. Try to get a good night's sleep because that day before it was fast and furious with do you want this do you want that etc, and I just could not think straight. Please take along a trusted friend (or your atty if you trust him, lol) if you get any phone calls this week by atty. My friend was in a lawsuit and it settled on the way into court.

That being said, I hope some people will post on here letting you know how their hearings went if it went to trial.

Over the weekend, will you post if you feel like it and update us? I always hope for the best for everyone.

Try to stay centered. I tried to just be in the moment and block everything else out.

homewrecked2011 posted 6/17/2013 21:07 PM

out of his mind for a long time

15kat16 posted 6/17/2013 21:27 PM

Homewrecked ~ its good to hear from others who've been where I am right now and know that, yes, we can get through this and be stronger for it. I am so ready to get off of this damn roller coaster once and for all. I keep wondering what he's thinking now-if he has any regrets blah blah blah...and I know better. Letting go is just so fricking hard-but so much easier than not. I know he's still having a hard time accepting that I actually had the nerve to file for divorce rather than sitting back, taking his substantial temporary support checks and letting him go his merry way. Surprise you idiot-I finally found my voice. I will be back over the weekend-stay tuned...

homewrecked2011 posted 6/22/2013 16:40 PM

How did it go?

tryingagain74 posted 6/22/2013 16:43 PM

My D was just final-- sending you positive settlement mojo!

15kat16 posted 6/22/2013 16:48 PM

Well, its the hurry up and wait game. The judge had been on vacation so her docket was backed up and mine got postponed.Met with my atty on Fri.-we sent our counter proposal (about the 4th time around)-waiting to hear from his atty-another appt w/my atty on monday at 4:30 to discuss next steps-dont know what the new hearing date is. Why does this take so long? Never mind. I used to work in the legal world and I know why!Feeling much better about the whole thing but still up in the air. Thanks for checking in.

[This message edited by 15kat16 at 2:20 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)]