It's been almost one full year since the A. He doesn't have feelings for the OW anymore (at least he says he doesn't and 99% of the time I believe that), but he's not as interested in sex as he used to be. He says there are things more important. During the A he felt like sex was top of the list. That's where the guilt still comes into play.
Hope it gets better for you. Two months out is still early and very raw emotionally. Sorry you're here but I hope you get some answers you need.
It sounds like ILYBINILWY. How deep in the fog is he? Are you sure he isn't cake-eating? It was miraculous how quickly my fWH's ED cleared up as soon as the A was "really over".
We are in R.
but he's not as interested in sex as he used to be. He says there are things more important. During the A he felt like sex was top of the list.
This is where we are at and I'm not sure either. WH does seem depressed lately.
(((savvy))) I am wondering if you and your WH can begin by doing the hand holding hugging and spooning first and let the intimacy come on it's own.
We had HB and now WH just isn't interested like he used to be. My WH is also having ED issues he has never had before.
I know what you mean about feeling rejected.
[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 12:11 PM, June 18th (Tuesday)]
One thing that really bothers me about this is that your H isn't being clear or honest, and the main thing he owes you now is honesty.
When you say, 'Now,' and he says 'I don't want to hurt you,' I'd bet everything I own that he's lying to you, at least by not telling his whole truth. He may be lying to himself, too, but both are totally unacceptable.
If he's having performance problems, he can't resolve 'em unless he admits he's got 'em. If he's got an STD, he needs to tell you. He needs to come clean.
[This message edited by sisoon at 12:24 PM, June 18th (Tuesday)]
I'm not happy with your IC's attitude about this. Sisoon's was on the right track. WH is feeling pressure and stress? Boo fucking hoo. He took care of his needs. If he refuses to take care of yours, FTG.
[This message edited by 20WrongsVs1 at 7:55 AM, June 19th (Wednesday)]
He thinks its too soon and I will not react well to sex right now
It is not his place to make that call.
His behavior is troubling to me. You let him know that you feel rejected (as most would) and he does not take action?
Are you certain that the affair has stopped?
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.
To be blunt it's not really his place to decide what is best for you. If you feel your ready for that, then he needs to step up. The affair was all about his selfish needs, holding out when you ask is still about his selfish needs. Doesn't matter if he's stressed or struggling with feeling for the AP. He should be attending to you, doing what it takes to show you he'll put your needs before his own.
I like 20Wrongs response from the other side. That's the attitude he should have towards you IMO.
Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."