How do I start? I knew it all the time, but I told myself he wasn't that kind of person, he would never do that to me, his wife of 29 years.
I found very "intimate" photos of him with her. Until that afternoon he denied everything in a very arrogant way, telling me that I was imagining everything, that I knew him to be a decent person. That night I looked in his computer and once he knew I had seen the pictures he started telling me he was the victim of a prank. He got drunk and didn't know what happened. This was in January 22nd, and up to this day he swears that is the truth.
Friends and members of his own family had seen him with her and were suspecting something but didn't have proof enough to tell me. He was with her for over a year but he denies everything, he says it was just one night, the night the pictures were taken.
Unfortunately for me, the money we have is all under his name and I have decided, after reading your blog, not to make a decision until I get my head clear. Everything is still very blurry. I want to start transferring this money into an account where I can have access to it, before confronting him about the lies I know he is telling me. After all, I have invested more than 30 years in building what we have.
I have to say that since DDay he has been completely dedicated to me and our 2 children, 16 and 19, and he does anything I ask him to. He told me he would do anything I want, and he wouldn't give me a reason to leave him. Since then he hasn't. My problem is that he spends a lot of time on his computer, to which he put a password, so that I can't access anymore.
We moved to a city very far from where she is, but the fact that he doesn't tell me the truth and that he has blocked me from accessing his phone and computer makes me think he is still communicating with her, even if just to end the relationship, or that he is having an emotional affair with her. Other than that he is the most attentive husband and father he could be. He talks about rebuilding and going forward. Until a little over a year ago, he was almost "the perfect husband". During this year I know he was with her, he turned into an aggressive, always complaining husband. But since the DDay he has dedicated all his energy to rebuild the relationship with our children and with me.
My head just spins around. I don't know whether to believe that he is manipulating me and will do it again or if he really is sorry and is trying to do the right thing now.
I love him, used to respect him as a person and I have seen the very best of him in the past. What to do? The pain is still very strong and I don't know whether to trust he is sincere or not.
I have very bad episodes, where I can't sleep, and my managing the household and the children has suffered greatly because of this. Only a few close friends know about this.
Please tell me how to manage this pain and this sense of being lost.