I am so sorry this had happened and that your find yourself here. It is a safe place that is filled with people who care.
It is normal to have ambivalent feelings towards your spouse who has betrayed you. We're often not really sure what we want. We weren't prepared for such betrayal.
We're not even sure sometimes if we really still love our spouse or not. Frankly, we are confused. How do we know whether we should stay or go?
You don't have to make any decisions right now on staying or going.
Please see a IC. You need time and help to wrap your head around what has occurred.
Any decision should be based on if your husband is truly remorseful for what he has done or if he is just sorry he got caught.
Is your husband willing to discuss the affair or put the effort into improving the marriage?
•Make your OWN decision.
•Do not rush the decision.
•Get as much information as possible.
•Do not make this decision based solely on emotional factors, nor solely on practical factors.
Questions to Help You Decide:
1.Is your spouse willing to talk about what happened, to try and learn from it, to avoid future affairs and to improve the marriage overall?
2. Is there a willingness to acknowledge the fact that attractions to the opposite sex are normal and will likely happen again in the future
3. Is there a plan for ongoing discussions regarding how these future temptations will be handled?
4. Is there a commitment to honesty and communication as a basis for your marriage, rather than simply a promise for future monogamy?
5.Is there evidence of willingness for ongoing honesty on topics other than affairs? (If there is not honesty about other issues, there is little likelihood that there will be future honesty about affairs.)
6.Even if there is little evidence of the above at this time, does it seem reasonable to think that you will be moving towards these things in the future? Change of this kind doesn't happen overnight, but there needs to be hope for the future.
In the end, each person is responsible for making their own decision (regardless of the opinions of friends, family, professionals and the general public), because they have to live with the choice they make. It takes strength and clear-headedness to assess the situation and do whatever is best for you.
It is a lot to absorb so take your time. One day at a time.
If you are having trouble sleeping see your doctor. Infidelity takes it's toll on your body, mind and soul.
Deep breaths and know that we are all here for you.
(((hugs and prayers)))