Well, I know it is a good thing but I am now getting NC from his end. LOL. It does not bother me at all(well maybe a little).
What gets me is I didn't do anything to him. He is just pissed about Fathers Day (read post from yesterday).
I think what he wants to do is date and fuck other woman to be honest. He doesn't want to be with me or R because he tried that already and we fight. (because he wants to rug sweep and not do the work)so to him it is easier to find someone else.
That does sting alot. Why move on to someone else when I was willing over and over again to R? I asked we do MC and he shut that down, I asked he try to understand my piont and says "sorry I can't know what it feels like because I never been where you are at"? We talk about it and somehow it turns to be my fault even thro he says he is to blame and he will take all the blame and then the next breath, if I would not have done this or that. Or if we would not have been fighting all the time? We were fighting all the time because I knew he was fucking someone else and he kept saying "Just a friend". We were fighting because I was always left at home while he went out with his friends (who I did not know from work and howorker) he would not come home til next morning most times. But, he can't understand this and that I dealt with that for 3.5 years? Or how about all the gifts he brought home, and let our son ride on a bike that OW gave him. Or push a lawn mower she gave him, list goes on and on. Or how about when she came to our home or all the texts she would send me about having to share my WH? And you blamed me for that? It was my fault. Or how about you told me you two would sit and talk about me and try to figure out how I knew things and who was telling me. Or how about when she pulled public recordes on me and lied and I had to prove it was not me but someone with my name? But he can not understand the depths of my hurt? I am/was suppose to let it all go because he said "Sorry".
So it is my fault we didn't work. This is how I feel, that he is blaming me for so much and maybe he can't see that he is.
Well, he can be with whoever. I am finally finally little bit a day seeing who he is and who he never was. I feel sorry for him and pity him because he is losing out on a wonderful wife and a wonderful family he had. I don't feel there is anything left in me to fight for anymore. It is gone and I am trying so hard to let go of who I wanted him to be and who he really is.
When people show you who they are, believe it. Love does not hurt. Yes, people make bad choices but the ones that have remorse for what they did are worth giving a second chance to. The ones that want to rugsweep or walk away for what they did and only see the negitive are not worth the time and that beautiful energy.
I will miss my bestfriend. The old bestfriend. He left a long time ago to never return. The A did something to him, it changed his thinking or maybe it just turned his thinking on about marriage and being faithful, honest and loving. I don't know. But, it is almost like there is no soul there anymore or at least not for me. Scary stuff when you think about it. That someone can switch off and on so quickly.
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"