You both need to be checked for STI's immediately, and not have unprotected sex of any sort with him until you receive proof in writing from a clinic that his tests have come back clean.
Protect yourself. I'm so sorry, but there's probably more you haven't discovered yet.
Take care of yourself.
friends wife lasting 10 years. TT over a
year a year. Now his health is declining,
among the lack of communication.
You can't keep up this drama without traumatizing your child, affecting your emotional stability and mental health, and being a bad example for your child to put up with this same crap when your child grows up. Also, next time, you might be the one charged with assault, end up in jail and lose full custody of your kid if he decides he likes the next tramp he screws, you react physically and he dumps you for her. Either way, it's time for you to detach yourself emotionally from his behavior and just see this is who he is, and this is as good as it gets, and to act accordingly. Let him screw around and not give a flip, or leave. Period.
Either accept that your husband dates and don't care, or call it a deal-breaker and file.
This in-between nonsense where he cheats, lies, you get upset, daughter gets traumatized, you think he can change and then it goes into boundary issues and cheating again is a cycle that will end only when YOU DECIDE to end it.
It's cheaper for him to stay married and have his daughter love him and you be nanny, cook and convenient sex when he doesn't get a 'bite' elsewhere, and be in the home while he cheats rather than for him to support two homes in a divorce rather than one.
He isn't the one hurt by his behavior. Just you and your daughter. So either you accept it and detach and not care at all he cheats and stay for the money and stability. Or you prepare to leave.
Those are your only choices. Snakes can wear a teddy bear costume but they're still snakes and don't change. You've been a 'complete mess' you say, trying to be a perfect wife so he won't cheat again, but this is who he is and it's his issues and you can't change his personal wiring that he feels compelled or entitled to cheat. Nothing you can do, nothing you can wear, no make-up, no sweet attitude, NOTHING can change him if he didn't learn the lesson the last time.
[This message edited by Heavy Sigh at 9:54 AM, June 18th (Tuesday)]
I am so sorry that you are here. So sorry that your husband chose to be such a complete and utter jackass.
Where were your kids when she was at your house? Please please tell me they weren't there.
Although this totally stinks, I am proud of you for standing up for yourself and your family.
I wanted to do a little cheer when you said you punched them both. I know violence doesn't solve anything but I sure have thought of kicking the OW's butt a few thousand times.
Where is he now? Is he seeing the OW?
He made a fool of himself. You trusted and loved your husband. That doesn't make you a fool it makes you human.
His having an affair had NOTHING to do with you and everything to do with him. He is a broken man.
Stay strong. You and your children deserve so much better.
He is a broken, messed up, sick individual, and YOU cannot fix that. That is on him. He will blame you for everything, because he has convinced himself that he did nothing wrong. It's a unique gift that cheaters have. That's pretty dumb, and ballsy that he had this woman around your daughter. I would make sure the courts are aware of this occurence.
Keep loving your kids, making sure that they know you are there for them. Use the anger to your advantage, it is helpful in self healing.
Lots of people are proud I punched them lol I'm lucky I didn't get charged. And going to the ER, where I work, was a little embarrassing, but they were all super supportive.
He was initially living her with her, and just last week got his own little dump to rent. He's with her, but won't admit it. That's his cross to bare. It pisses me off to no end, and my daughter is not coping well, but I have to have faith in time, that will all calm down, and the storm will feel more like a breeze blowing all the bad things away.
I've been listening to "daemons" By Imagine Dragons, over and over these last few days.
I have always said that more often the ones that we let in the cloesest in life, are often the ones that will hurt us the most, and more often then not, it will have nothing to do us.
I'm having issue dwelling on all the things he said over the last 9 months that was the slow plan crash of my marriage. I look back now, and it was like watching a plane spiral out of control, and nothing can be done to stop it, and you can't stop frantically looking for the emergency exit to save you.
Even two days before I walked in on them, he told me our marriage was the best it had been, and he was telling me loved me as I walked out the door. These things play over and over and over in my head. I know I need to stop. I'm hoping getting back to work will help some of that.
I am sorry that your husband chose the road he did.
I hope you can get into IC and your kids in as well.
It is a lot for a family to absorb that they didn't come first.
He was living in a fantasy world. And compartmentalized the affair. I know exactly what you mean about revisiting things he said, places you went etc. It truly disgusted me.
I couldn't believe he could actually attend church with us as a family while having the affair. Who does that?
Rationalization is an unconscious process that keeps a person from feeling bad about his or her actions.
Of necessity, the person doesn’t recognize the rationalizations because recognizing that he is rationalizing means that he can’t rationalize any longer.
People rationalize when their behavior has caused them some kind of legitimate discomfort. This is the function of rationalization: to help us feel better about ourselves when we have done something of which we’re not especially proud.
Sick, twisted and broken. He needs intense therapy.
Good luck and keep your head up. You are stronger than this.