If he is, and it's consistant, then you should start to feel like you are trusting him again.
For me, I didn't realize that I was starting to trust fWW until a boundary incident destroyed the trust. After that, I was conscious of the trust rebuilding process.
I'm starting to trust my fWW again, but I still check phone, email and whereabouts. I don't think I will ever trust her 100% ever again, but as the trust builds, the urge to check up on her subsides.
Take care of yourself first. Understand what you really want and what you are willing to accept. Set your boundaries and get yourelf to at state where you know if the worst happens, you'll be OK.
At that point the trust may come back.
It also makes me sick that he was able to do these things to me. Even though he is not doing them now, he may do them again if I let down my guard.
Actually, I haven't done much snooping lately some because I am beginning to trust him and some because I have become apathetic about the whole thing. He is going to do what he is going to do and I will find out eventually. I have so many things that I have let go due to the affair. My work has gone to hell in a hand basket, I am surprised I have not been fired. I have not been the mom that I used to be,I don't go to church anymore and my house looks like hell. I have to let this go for my kids sake.
I look great! Lost 40 lbs, and have a great new hairstyle, I have gotten really good in the sack as I try to please him, and I am a really good private investigator. The things that used to be important to me have gone to the wayside as I try to please him and make him stay. It makes me sick and I am done with it.
The betrayal turns your world upside down and then some.
You don't trust normal. You don't trust yourself because you feel you missed the signs before. I get it. It's a coping mechanism to try to protect yourself from being devastated again.
My IC told me to try not to connect dots that weren't there. It's hard I know.
I think you finally have to get to the point where you give it to God.
You can't control your husband. If he wants to cheat he will. As ugly as that sounds it's true. Hopefully he learned a very hard lesson and is truly committed to being a better man for you and your family. Actions speak louder than words.
If you truly want to reconcile, you have to realize the affair is something that happened but it is not something that is happening.
I don't think you will ever truly trust him 100% again. We will always have the lingering thoughts in our minds but hopefully we can get to the place where it does not dictate our lives. Shoot for I trust him 90% and that is still an A.
Hang in there. Hope you have better days ahead.
You're having a hard time deciding what you want to do. Have you considered IC? An IC can help you sort out all the arguments and figure out which ones will carry the day for you.