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How do I tell my kids we may have to move?

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brokenfinger posted 6/18/2013 14:07 PM

So when i kicked the shitface out, I went and got my own account, and drained all our joint one, I left him with $600.
Since i broke my knuckle punching them, Ive been living off of what I took,as EI hasn't come through yet, and I don't go back to work until July 2nd.

I had said this last month that I would not move, I feel my kids had been through enough. But it became very obvious that he is going to put up a fight about support ( both child and alimony)and I don't want to have to rely on him for his money. I make good money, when I work; however, I work on call...which being a single going to be an interesting challange. I do get pre-booked, but am only booked for 2 sets this whole summer. I had also stayed casual for years in order to be the one at home with our kids, which has no bitten me in the ass, as I don't have a lot of seniority in the unions, maybe..maybe 3500 hours.

My decision has come to me having to move. I cannot afford the rent plus utilities, on my own, and I do not want to live paycheck to paycheck. I'm stuck with the damn dog, he wanted, and feel my kids have been through enough, selling the dog would put them over board :(

I have been up front with my daughter about everything, which is more then I can say for her father. My son is 5 and has just kinda rolled with it. But my daughter.................

How the heck do I tell her we have to move?

BoardPearl posted 6/18/2013 15:46 PM


Have you spoken to him about how important it is for his children to stay at the same place?

I was lucky, in that my exWH sends child support and also pays the mortgage. I was a SAHM, and after the divorce, started working as a teacher. So I felt that I helped him with his career and that he owed me, since I gave up my career to be home with the children.

You have to be honest with your DD. Just let her know how much you want for her to have the best in this world, and how much you love her. But this is something you have to do.

Wishing you all the best.

Dreamboat posted 6/18/2013 16:40 PM

I would hold off on saying anything to the kids until you are more certain that you will need to move and have some idea of where (i.e., same city? same school zone? etc) and when. You do not want the kids to worry about something that they have no control over, especially when you do not have answer to their potential questions yet.

Then once you have a better idea of what you are going to do, then just sit down and be honest with them. Try to spin the positive aspects of the move. I am not sure how old your DD is so it is hard to advise how much to tell her. I know from personal experience that kids can really get worried about money and you do not want to over burden her. If she is significantly older than your DS5 then you may want to have a separate conversation with her where you give her more details.

In the mean time I think you really need to see a lawyer so you can get temp orders for support. I know you do not want to rely on him, but think of the support payments as a safety net until you are able to get your career onto more solid ground.

Good luck

brokenfinger posted 6/18/2013 17:42 PM

We have a court date for July 17th, it was the soonest we could get in, since he waited until the last minute to reply to me serving him.

I agree about not telling her about money, I remember knowing my parents were short on cash and it is stressful.

I have found a few options to go look at. I'm trying to stay in the same area, and my town is so small, that I have a bit of room to move, school wise.

My son is 5, and in kindergarten, and my daughter is 11. She has one more year of elementary left, then off to junior high. I figure if I move close to another elementary, then i'll separate them for a year, and drive her to school, because then she will be with her friends and go to the junior high that's close.

So much to consider. Anyone else ever notice that a day can start out great, and then your so tired and bummed out by the end you just want to drown in a gallon of ice cream and tequila?

Jennifer99 posted 6/18/2013 18:09 PM

Maybe I'm the odd one out but I grew up thinking my parents were loaded when in fact they were the opposite. It was a shock to find out I didn't have a college fund (my gosh I was stupid).

I'm always very honest with my DS about $. I show him how I budget.

When there are forced choices due to $ limitations its a family decision.

Maybe bringing your daughter in on planning, deciding, acting will make her feel empowered? Like she has a stake in THIS much even if not her parent's marriage?

brokenfinger posted 6/18/2013 23:29 PM

So he just "gave me" $435 and says that's all I'm getting for June. July 17th can't come soon enough.

Lalagirl posted 6/19/2013 07:59 AM

So he just "gave me" $435 and says that's all I'm getting for June


Yeah, let the judge decide what he will "give" you.

brokenfinger posted 6/19/2013 10:05 AM

Yep, pretty much.
He bitched me out last night for not telling him about our daughters dentist appointment.

Ive just moved on, I don't think to tell him every little thing that goes on. He wont when the kids are with him, so I can't be bothered.

I may a line on a few places for us to move. I'd like to make a decision in the next week, as I'm not sure how I will cover Augusts rent.

My friends have offered to lend me the damage deposit, as I'm not sure how I'm going to manage it all.

Its rainy and crappy here today, and my mood matches the weather.

Maybe I'll just go back to bed.

brokenfinger posted 6/24/2013 16:15 PM

So found a place to move...August 1.
I'm going to tell my kids this evening. We will see how that goes!
It's a small place, needs some work, but I got a good deal on rent, since the house belongs to my best friends fiance.'s the i tell the shitface? I'm moving 4 blocks from where I am now. What are my obligations here?

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