If you haven't already, check out the healing library. There is a lot of helpful information there.
Is your husband showing you remorse and transparency? How is he helping you through your rough days?
(((HUGS)))
He has been a different person since all of this, open, patient, caring, has did everything I asked and answered every question I've posed. I just want off this merry go round! The ups and downs are enough to drive someone mad. I can be completely fine and then fall apart. It's absolutely insane.
Welcome to SI! Sorry you had to find us but you'll find amazing strength and support here.
Your feelings are going to be this way for quite some time to come - sadly.
On average it takes two to five years to recover from infidelity.
You haven't mentioned where the OW is in this picture?
Keep posting, it helps.
It is all so very new and raw.
You are in shock. Your world has been turned upside down.
It is completely normal to feel everything and all at once. We call it the rollercoaster from hell.
I provide you with the timeline to let you know that it is normal for you to hurt and vacillate for sometime. It helps to put it in context and to try not to speed up your healing. You have to go through it not "get over it"
Your mind can only absorb so much trauma. Deep breaths and know that we are all here for you.
Good luck
Timeline of Recovery
Good timeline I found on another site...Hope this helps..
Q: How Long Will It Take Me To Heal From This?
A: There is no set time line. On the average it's 1-2 years to heal from betrayal. 3-5 years is not out of the norm.
Below is a general guide, not everyone heals in the same amount of time as others, there are variables to consider in each individual's situation. It's a rollercoaster ride, emotionally and physically, but I promise you - you can and will survive. But, you will never be the same and that's not always a bad thing.
D-day to 6 months is devastation; you're done with life, in shock and sick at heart. You are raw emotionally and never knew such despair could be felt.
6-9 months are full of mood swings from "it's going to be okay" to "Why am I even trying." Your thoughts are emotion driven and not dependable.
9-12 months you can actually go about 15 minutes without thinking about "it." One morning I stepped out of the shower and realized that I hadn't thought of the affair yet. But sadly, those times were few and far between. You're still up and down emotionally.
Then at 12 months, sobbing again with the disappointment in your spouses selfishness
14 months you are able to have a heartfelt happy moment.
18 months the incredible crush of despair is gone. You wake up one morning and realize that the A was something that happened, not something that is happening.
20 months you no longer feel like your world is in danger. Trusting again, with your heart if not with your brain. Constantly questioning your own feelings but you realize it is fear stalking you now, not danger.
22 months you can see a future. You don't cry at the drop of a hat. You can watch television without falling apart at a love scene. Actually feeling almost back to your normal self. You finally loose that sense of being "outside" yourself. The phases can trick you, you think you're doing great at five weeks and then you hit the bottom of the well at 12 weeks. You can be raging at 10 months with a horrible anger that never appeared early on.
One day at a time...keep moving....be kind and patient with yourself.
I am almost exactly a year a head of you. I have 4 kids. My WH's A consisted of a drunken makeout session with MOW, no contact for 8 months and then an 8 month PA/EA.
I know what you are going through now and what you will go through during the next year.
Is OW married? You should tell her BH if she is.
Is your WH totally transparent with you? Do you have full access to his phone? Computer? Passwords to all of his email, skyp, google+, Facebook, etc accounts?
This is important for you to have. Part of rebuilding your trust in him is your ability to look through all of these things WHENEVER you want and see that nothing suspicious is there.
At SI we use the phrase "trust but verify". If he says he isn't calling or texting her, trust that but still check the phone bill and his phone. If he has told the truth it will make a deposit in the trust bank that is currently severely overdrawn.
Your emotions will be all over the place for a while. You will have days where you will function almost normal and others where you just want to curl up in a ball in a dark closet and cry. That is normal.
Gradually, if your spouse is remorseful and behaving properly, you will have more and more moments of feeling normal. Eventually you will have hours of normal.
I found that the more I was out of the house doing things, the better I was.
Warning: After floating along sad but otherwise feeling better pulled together, at about 6 and 9 months I was hit with some pretty intense rage days. I would highly recommend that you ask him to take and hide any precious mementoes you might be tempted to smash.
Read the Healing Library located in the yellow box on this page. Read the other threads so you can see what you are feeling is very normal and so you can see what kind of emotions you can expect in the future.
I hope for a happy ending for you, and I do think it's better to know the truth. Don't deny any feelings that you're having. This too will pass.
The OW is single, and did I mention 14 years younger?
The age doesn't make a difference. You wouldn't feel any better if your WH threw away you and your 4 kids for the twin of Alfred E Neuman in drag who was the same age as you. I would know.
The one thing all OW have in common, if they know your WH is married, is they are broken individuals. WS have to find someone broken, because someone with healthy self-esteem would never knowingly get involved with a married person.
So when you start getting upset over the "who" he A-ed with. Remember she has at least one pretty significant personality flaw.
In most cases, you eventually find the "who" could have been any one. Usually, it is just that the AP was willing.
