how do you know what you are forgiving if you dont know the truth about the affair...and he wont tell you? what exactly are you moving on from?
you know what i mean?
i did this too though....so you are not alone. when i found a dirty text in my wh phone...he told me it was just sexting. when i asked for phone records, he said no...and left the house to stay with his brother. i knew he wanted to work it out, but didnt want to give me access to those records which would rveal the true extent of the affair....which was that it was way more than sexting.
he even came back with "well, why dont i just get a new phone and we can start from scratch...start knew...stop talkng about the affiar, and put this whole thing behind us...a new beginning!"
i told him to go to hell...and that i wouldnt entertain r without phone access and the full truth.
and i meant it...ready to divorce him over it.
eventually, he gave up the phone records and it revealed he had been a cheating bastard for a long time.
but i had the truth...and could decide if i waned to "move forward" based on that..not what HE decided i needed to heal from...you know what i mean?
but i was tempted...i sure was. i just wanted to "let it go" without having the truth...and i was never happy with it. maybe for a little while...but down the road....i always knew that there was something else....something really bad...too bad for him to "confess" and it would only bring me more grief not knowing.
and believe me...you will NOT be able to let it go...let alone forgive him when you dont know what happend...and the fact that he REFUSES to tell you will only make it worse.
now, knowing the details of the sexual postions may not be necessary...although some people on SI need to know it all...i understand that too....or even knowing if he cheated with 4 or 5 people....it is all bad....but not knowing the truth about the affair because HE wont tell you the turth itself is rugsweeping.....make no mistake about it.
there is no "moving on" past that.
you say you have talk it to death...but honestly, him not telling you the truth means that you are at square ONE.