If he did try and it wasn't enough ? Why?
[This message edited by huRtZ413 at 5:12 PM, June 18th (Tuesday)]
I'M ON THE FENCE
It was a lifting of my own fog and realization of all the things he had done and the level of deceit and disrespect it took to do all that he did.
It was doubly hard for me because I feel almost born to be married and he is very well aware of not only the love I had for him, but the love I had of life we had and my place in the whole family hemisphere.
Now, though, my eyes are wide open and my heart has experienced it's last crack that I will "let" him smash.
There is a threshold (some say deal breaker) we all seem to get to, where we say, "enough".
Perv "tried", but it was total false reconciliation and it was after that epiphany on my part, that I began interviewing lawyers. the realization that he could take my life and my dreams into his hands and then throw them on the floor and stomp on them in my face...well...the pain is indescribable.
All the things he stripped me of, leaving my life bare, alone, pregnant, broke and ruined while he is off with OW living in a very rich universe...that was it for me.
You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
My acceptance of this reality helps me stay emotionally balanced in the face of my loss. I've learned not to be a dreamer, but instead to accept what is.
When did I know? For me the need to separate unfolded in stages.
I went back and forth for weeks. Should I stay or should I go. I found that very stressful. I would say to myself "you will do the right thing at the right time". And one day, three weeks ago, I knew. I knew I would be better off in the short term without WH. I told my supporters that I knew what I had to do but I didn't know when. Less than a week later, I found the courage and the drive to tell WH I was leaving. I felt enormous amount of relief and knew then that I had made the right decision for me.
What changed was my perspective. Post Dday I couldn't see anything other than the A and my pain. WH was trying and I didn't feel like it was enough. I knew that his R was not enough because I wasn't ready for it to be enough. I was not ready to heal. I was still swinging. I kept thinking "what about me?".
And slowly, through the 180, I detached and came out of my BS fog. Separation is right for me now. Independence is right for me now. If WH continues towards R... I can always change course.
Stay strong, hurtz.
I had his clothes ready for him after work that day.
I had three absolutes; truth, fidelity, complete transparency (past, present, future). I added to that no alcohol.
He tried but couldn't do what I needed. He thought he did. Multiple people told me that they knew that was what the end would be. It just took me longer to get there. No one ever put pressure on me to get there faster, family or friends.
It's tough to give up on a 32 year relationship, 27 year marriage. I think it's reasonable it took me a long time to give up and be ready to move on.
I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken
There came a point when it was too painful to love him, so I stopped.
This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet
Best thing I gained in my divorce - my freedom.