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 huRtZ413 (original poster member #39214) posted at 11:32 PM on Tuesday, June 18th, 2013

Said if he does it again I'm outta here and stayed?

Why?

I ask because I say that know i wont take him back and though I believe it won't happen again I won't be dumb either its possible its all possible hell I could cheat right if I'm not careful if I lose sight if I compromise my morals ...

How do you really know what you will accept and won't. I'm scared I don't have a line in the sand because I said if he ever cheated I'd leave guess where I am???....yeah I'm here loving him dealing with shit.

Will I take him back again god forbid he do this again ? I feel like I would be able to put aside my feeling and let go but I guess I won't know ...

[This message edited by huRtZ413 at 5:32 PM, June 18th (Tuesday)]


me_BW
him_WH


I'M ON THE FENCE


posts: 278   ·   registered: May. 9th, 2013
id 6378842
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philly172 ( member #19024) posted at 11:40 PM on Tuesday, June 18th, 2013

No, I am 100% positive if WH cheats again I will not take him back.. I firmly believe in the old adage.. "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me"

My Ex cheated, I forgave him & we R'ed but when he cheated the 2nd time, it was over..

I know I will feel the same with WH.. & I know I will be much stronger & able to handle if he cheats again

"Sorry" works when a mistake is made, but not when trust is broken. So in life, make mistakes, but never break trust. Because forgiving is easy, but forgetting & trusting again is sometimes impossible

posts: 4874   ·   registered: Apr. 7th, 2008   ·   location: Not in Philly.. it's just a screen name :-)
id 6378847
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rachelc ( member #30314) posted at 11:40 PM on Tuesday, June 18th, 2013

Said if he does it again I'm outta here and stayed?

me. I actually saw him on top of another woman, three months after the first one. When I pulled him off of her and saw that it was a different woman I thought to myself, oh, he's really sick, it has nothing to do with who he's choosing to perpetuate his illness with.

and so I stayed.

But I do regret it. Not kicking him out, so /I could work exclusively on myself. But I was frantic. i'm getting there....

posts: 7613   ·   registered: Dec. 6th, 2010   ·   location: Midwest
id 6378848
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crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 11:41 PM on Tuesday, June 18th, 2013

I did

I'm not going to again. Next time I'm leaving for my kids, so that they can see that I am no longer willing to put up with being mistreated.

I have had a troubled past (childhood abuse and abusive boyfriend) and am somewhat used to the cycle of abuse, from my past. It's hard to break out of but I will do it should he repeat himself again. At this point if my WH were to continue or have another A. That is flat out abuse.

fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Separated 9/2019; Divorced 8/2024

posts: 9074   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 6378849
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GabyBaby ( member #26928) posted at 11:52 PM on Tuesday, June 18th, 2013

I did.

I said that a NUMBER of times over our 18yr marriage (see my signature and profile).

Why? Mainly because I was afraid I wouldnt be able to take care of my kids on my own. So I went back to school, finished my degree, and got my ducks in a row.

When he did it yet again (the last time for me), I kicked him out and never looked back.

I'm still pissed at myself for having stayed so long. I have been telling anyone woman who will listen (daughter, son, nieces, nephews, friends, etc) to NEVER let yourelf become financially dependent on another person.

Me - late 40s
DD(27), DS(24, PDD-NOS)

WH#2 (SorryinSac)- Killed himself (May 2015) in our home 6 days after being served divorce docs.
XWH #1 - legally married 18yrs. 12+ OW (that I know of).

I edit often for clarity/typos.

posts: 10094   ·   registered: Dec. 26th, 2009   ·   location: Here and There
id 6378865
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happierdays ( member #38537) posted at 11:55 PM on Tuesday, June 18th, 2013

I have, at least for now.

I told him shortly after dday 1 that if it ever happened again it was done.

Dday 2 occurred about two weeks ago and... he's still here. The reason he's still here, he's showing remorse, he's answering my questions and generally kissing my ass. All thing he never did after dday 1. I'm still not 100% decided about what the future will hold and I do loathe myself at times for not sticking to my guns. But then I look at our daughter and think how a divorce will fundamentally change her.

When it comes down to it I'm a bit of a coward and still firmly fence sitting, but definitely getting stronger.

Me - 40 something
WH - 40 something
Dday - Oct 7, 2012
Dday 2 - June 4, 2013
Married - 12 years
2 DD

posts: 162   ·   registered: Feb. 23rd, 2013   ·   location: Canada
id 6378868
smile1

brokensunflower ( member #38674) posted at 12:10 AM on Wednesday, June 19th, 2013

I did if he does again I told him im gone

me 34
him 34
7 wonderful kids 14 yrs 10 yrs 7 yrs 6 yrs and 4 yrs 2yr ..and new baby
married 15years together for 12

my give a damn is busted

posts: 265   ·   registered: Mar. 8th, 2013   ·   location: cold ohio
id 6378900
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Kierst13 ( member #39197) posted at 12:12 AM on Wednesday, June 19th, 2013

I did, and I also said I would leave if anyone ever cheated on me. I haven't decided what to do yet, but I'm leaning towards S&D.

He was a loving, caring WS and I thought he got it. He did and behaved in all the ways we hope and pray a WS will. Then I discovered he forgot the biggest detail, he never left his AP.

I was checking phone, email, keylogger and he got around all of it. He took it so far underground and put on the show of a lifetime...oscar worthy.

How do you trust a liar? Maybe the better question is; why would you trust a liar? I ask myself that question everyday. Every.Single.Day.

"fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me"

This rings so true for me.

Story in my profile
He lied, I gave the gift of R
He became the model remorseful WS...all while lying and seeing her
Am I done? Yes I am!

posts: 347   ·   registered: May. 7th, 2013
id 6378902
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gonnabe2016 ( member #34823) posted at 12:34 AM on Wednesday, June 19th, 2013

I did. More than once.

Why? Because I had spent so many years being so successfully gaslighted and emotionally abused that it took a really, really long time for me to realize that what I *thought* my life was (and had been) did not line up with what it *actually* was.

It was only once I was able to really *see* what I was dealing with and how pretty much every word out of his mouth was an effort to control and manipulate me in a way designed so that HE had the outcome that HE desired that I was able to walk away.

It was really horrible and the memories are extremely unpleasant. I was a total idiot to give him so many extra chances......

"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

posts: 9241   ·   registered: Feb. 15th, 2012   ·   location: Midwest
id 6378935
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stunnedin12 ( member #38141) posted at 2:17 AM on Wednesday, June 19th, 2013

I did. I can't say with confidence it was more than contact in April so I'm staying. I did tell him if I ever learned he so even so much as thinks of chickie again that he is gone. There will not be a next time. There will not be a 'trying to finish a conversation'. There won't be a "but we ALL went out". A next time of any sort is the end. It will be. I won't do this again.

Why? I honestly don't know.

[This message edited by stunnedin12 at 8:18 PM, June 18th (Tuesday)]

ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse

Lawyers involved.


posts: 689   ·   registered: Jan. 16th, 2013
id 6379051
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Bluebird26 ( member #36445) posted at 7:34 AM on Wednesday, June 19th, 2013

I did, I took him back several times.

Why?

Numerous reasons:

I was extremely co-dependant and my ex is a classic NPD.

He was very emotionally controlling as well.

For me the vows I agreed to kept playing over in my head, (for better or worse), he also promised the world was seemingly doing what I needed him to do, was in MC & IC. He was not only lying to me but the IC & MC as well. We were in FR for a long time.

I also have a special needs child and thought of raising that child as a single parent was overwhelming. But I am now doing it, and doing it well.

In the end I realised I deserved more then he was willing to give. So gave him the choice give up the OW forever or me. He chose OW so I packed his stuff and made him move out immediately.

Me: BW

Best thing I gained in my divorce - my freedom.

Life's good.

posts: 1530   ·   registered: Aug. 12th, 2012   ·   location: Australia
id 6379305
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stillhere09 ( member #24924) posted at 1:11 PM on Wednesday, June 19th, 2013

I have to raise my hand here, too. It turned out my H was a serial cheater. I stayed until I could get my ducks in a row and then escaped to a much better life.

Me-50 BW
Him-55,STBXWH

Walk a Mile In My Shoes
Married 14 yrs. Now Separated & in NC
2 grown DD's - his from previous M
4 grown kids (2DS, 2DD) mine from previous M

posts: 3204   ·   registered: Jul. 22nd, 2009   ·   location: Ohio
id 6379408
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sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 11:38 PM on Wednesday, June 19th, 2013

I can't predict the future. If my W betrays me again, I have no idea what I'll do.

I don't think it will be pretty, though....

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 31115   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 6380318
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libertyrocks ( member #38924) posted at 11:39 PM on Wednesday, June 19th, 2013

FUCK THAT! I'm waiting for him to cheat again so I can finally leave!

Me-37 Ws-37
2 kids
Dday Nov 2012, TT for a year.
Reconciling for the third time in 4 years.

posts: 972   ·   registered: Apr. 8th, 2013
id 6380324
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crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 11:43 PM on Wednesday, June 19th, 2013

FUCK THAT! I'm waiting for him to cheat again so I can finally leave!

High Five! Me too! And if/when he does...

I'm going to blindside him with D papers

fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Separated 9/2019; Divorced 8/2024

posts: 9074   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 6380328
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MystiKay ( member #36401) posted at 12:23 AM on Thursday, June 20th, 2013

I would like to say three strikes and you are out...but. I don't know. As of right now. He does it again...I think I will leave.

posts: 283   ·   registered: Aug. 9th, 2012
id 6380390
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Ghostrider ( member #32604) posted at 12:25 AM on Thursday, June 20th, 2013

I'm gone if I get an indication. I'm worth more than that.

BH (me), WW (her), 2 boys

"You will never be the same. You accept it. You will never have closure. There is no such a word as closure. Closure does not exist. Life is different. Now you get to choose what you're going to do with it."

posts: 468   ·   registered: Jun. 27th, 2011   ·   location: United States
id 6380395
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MylarPineapples ( member #39570) posted at 1:02 AM on Thursday, June 20th, 2013

I said this to my WH yesterday. I also opened an individual bank account, and told him that I plan to keep enough money in it to throw him out and file for D immediately if he ever does this again. I hope I never have to do that.

Me: BS, Him: WH
8/08: EA with former neighbor (OW#1)
1/13/13: EA/Sexting with Coworker#1 (OW#2)
6/16/13: Sexting with Coworker#2 (OW#3)
Reconciling

posts: 156   ·   registered: Jun. 17th, 2013
id 6380436
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