Why?
I ask because I say that know i wont take him back and though I believe it won't happen again I won't be dumb either its possible its all possible hell I could cheat right if I'm not careful if I lose sight if I compromise my morals ... How do you really know what you will accept and won't. I'm scared I don't have a line in the sand because I said if he ever cheated I'd leave guess where I am???....yeah I'm here loving him dealing with shit.
Will I take him back again god forbid he do this again ? I feel like I would be able to put aside my feeling and let go but I guess I won't know ...
[This message edited by huRtZ413 at 5:32 PM, June 18th (Tuesday)]
I'M ON THE FENCE
My Ex cheated, I forgave him & we R'ed but when he cheated the 2nd time, it was over..
I know I will feel the same with WH.. & I know I will be much stronger & able to handle if he cheats again
Said if he does it again I'm outta here and stayed?
me. I actually saw him on top of another woman, three months after the first one. When I pulled him off of her and saw that it was a different woman I thought to myself, oh, he's really sick, it has nothing to do with who he's choosing to perpetuate his illness with. and so I stayed. But I do regret it. Not kicking him out, so /I could work exclusively on myself. But I was frantic. i'm getting there....
me (WW/BS): 48 him: (BS/WH)52 4 kiddos in mid 20's
“Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Acceptance is a small, quiet room.”
I'm not going to again. Next time I'm leaving for my kids, so that they can see that I am no longer willing to put up with being mistreated.
I have had a troubled past (childhood abuse and abusive boyfriend) and am somewhat used to the cycle of abuse, from my past. It's hard to break out of but I will do it should he repeat himself again. At this point if my WH were to continue or have another A. That is flat out abuse.
Why? Mainly because I was afraid I wouldnt be able to take care of my kids on my own. So I went back to school, finished my degree, and got my ducks in a row. When he did it yet again (the last time for me), I kicked him out and never looked back.
I'm still pissed at myself for having stayed so long. I have been telling anyone woman who will listen (daughter, son, nieces, nephews, friends, etc) to NEVER let yourelf become financially dependent on another person.
DD(21), DS(19, PDD-NOS) 5 Furkids - 3 dogs, 2 cats
WXH#1 (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs
I edit often for clarity/typos.
I told him shortly after dday 1 that if it ever happened again it was done.
Dday 2 occurred about two weeks ago and... he's still here. The reason he's still here, he's showing remorse, he's answering my questions and generally kissing my ass. All thing he never did after dday 1. I'm still not 100% decided about what the future will hold and I do loathe myself at times for not sticking to my guns. But then I look at our daughter and think how a divorce will fundamentally change her.
When it comes down to it I'm a bit of a coward and still firmly fence sitting, but definitely getting stronger.
my give a damn is busted
He was a loving, caring WS and I thought he got it. He did and behaved in all the ways we hope and pray a WS will. Then I discovered he forgot the biggest detail, he never left his AP.
I was checking phone, email, keylogger and he got around all of it. He took it so far underground and put on the show of a lifetime...oscar worthy.
How do you trust a liar? Maybe the better question is; why would you trust a liar? I ask myself that question everyday. Every.Single.Day.
"fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me"
This rings so true for me.
Why? Because I had spent so many years being so successfully gaslighted and emotionally abused that it took a really, really long time for me to realize that what I *thought* my life was (and had been) did not line up with what it *actually* was.
It was only once I was able to really *see* what I was dealing with and how pretty much every word out of his mouth was an effort to control and manipulate me in a way designed so that HE had the outcome that HE desired that I was able to walk away.
It was really horrible and the memories are extremely unpleasant. I was a total idiot to give him so many extra chances......
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
Why? I honestly don't know.
[This message edited by stunnedin12 at 8:18 PM, June 18th (Tuesday)]
Why? Numerous reasons:
I was extremely co-dependant and my ex is a classic NPD.
He was very emotionally controlling as well.
For me the vows I agreed to kept playing over in my head, (for better or worse), he also promised the world was seemingly doing what I needed him to do, was in MC & IC. He was not only lying to me but the IC & MC as well. We were in FR for a long time.
I also have a special needs child and thought of raising that child as a single parent was overwhelming. But I am now doing it, and doing it well.
In the end I realised I deserved more then he was willing to give. So gave him the choice give up the OW forever or me. He chose OW so I packed his stuff and made him move out immediately.
Best thing I gained in my divorce - my freedom.
Life's good.
Walk a Mile In My Shoes Married 14 yrs. Now Separated & in NC 2 grown DD's - his from previous M 4 grown kids (2DS, 2DD) mine from previous M
I don't think it will be pretty, though....
FUCK THAT! I'm waiting for him to cheat again so I can finally leave!
High Five! Me too! And if/when he does...
I'm going to blindside him with D papers
"You will never be the same. You accept it. You will never have closure. There is no such a word as closure. Closure does not exist. Life is different. Now you get to choose what you're going to do with it."
