[This message edited by hobbeskat at 6:49 PM, June 18th (Tuesday)]
The fact that he is emotionally manipulating you shows where you are in your recovery. A remorseful spouse will be more concerned with what is good and healthy for you, than with what they WANT.
Sorry, you don't need to answer all those questions, they're just things to think about.
Our baby is nearly 1 too, and we reconciled just over 2 months ago. I want another baby at some point and so does my H, but I'm nowhere near ready yet.
If you were to become pregnant now, are you prepared to raise 2 children under the age of 2 without the full support of a responsible partner? Because at this point, even considering adding a child to the mix seems irresponsible to me on every level.
Please understand that I am saying this with the heartfelt wish that when you bring another person into the world...that it will be in your stable happy and loving home, free from the burdens of infidelity. Please don't look at this from the perspective of what HE deserves but from what an innocent child deserves....YOUR innocent child.
[This message edited by DoneWithLove at 9:11 PM, June 18th (Tuesday)]
We are seeing a MC, he agrees with me but understands where my H is coming from. He said that when two people have so much love for each other the only way to express it is by making a baby together as a product/ symbol of their love.
The MC said that? If so, wow. I have always been skeptical of counselors (not all), and this gives me another reason why.
He told me that I could cheat to get even and that he would be at home waiting if I decided to come back to him.
Uhh, you may think that sounds like proof that he is committed, but I think it's proof that he should be committed.
Well, okay I said that just because it sounded good -- but that is not a healthy thing to say. At best, it shows that he doesn't really understand the significance of affairs. In actuality, it sounds manipulative. A false way of showing his devotion/remorse.
[This message edited by Later at 9:11 PM, June 18th (Tuesday)]
But sleepless nights, stress, fighting, tension, pregnancy hormones, pregnancy body image, nursing, sleepless nights again.....
All that isn't ideal to accomplish R, and isn't an ideal enviroment to begin a new life.
I will also add, that little HB baby girl was the only one of our 3 kids to have health complications....
edited for typos (I always have to!)
This is bullshit.
His argument sucks and is ridiculously stupid....and here's why:
I dont want a baby right now
Actually. I just re-read your post and you didn't go into *what* about his argument was so good? YOU like having being pregnant and having babies? Where's the *good* argument there? Do you want to have multiple babies with a cheater????
Look. I am a female and I have 3 male children. I was disappointed when my first was identified as a male because I'm an only child with very little babysitting experience and had NO idea WTH to even DO with a baby boy. When I went to the sonogram for my 2nd child, alone, and was told it was a boy. I cried because I wanted a girl.
Not long after Dday....Sultan brought up, very strongly, the idea of having another child. By that time I was *over the moon* with the 3 boys that I had. I am actually 'glad' that I don't have a girl-child (too much drama)...but he wanted to *give* me my girl.
The truth of the matter is that he just wanted to *entrench* me with him.
DWL, resist that *heart-strings* tug......it smells like manipulation to me.....
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
I am merely concurring with your decision.
And btw...you never did mention what your WH said that constituted a *good* argument for having child #2....
It's really personal, and never easy to figure this out. Day by day I feel like I'm racing the clock to have the second I've always wanted. To have a sibling for my DD would be bliss, but the waters are still a little too muddy for my liking.
Even my ObGyn, who knows our WHOLE story, gives me a bad time about NOT trying right now. Conversely, my IC thinks it would be a TERRIBLE idea to have another child right now.
So I wait, and that's ok.
You're only a few months out. You don't even need to be thinking about this right now. You have time. My $0.02? Put the thought on ice for a bit, telling yourself that you're not making a decision either way until the world has slowed down a bit.
By your own words, your WH is uber-remorseful and your counselor agrees. So go back and re-read your post. Why did you ask your question if you already have your answer? Your WH has expressed the desire to have another baby. He seems remorseful. Your counselor agrees.
So go ahead and have another baby with the guy. Easy peasy.
Please consider what would happen if he did cheat again while you were pregnant. It is not easy I had DDay #2 when I was 18 weeks pregnant with number 4. It was unplanned and I wish we would of waited. It would of meant a lot more to us having a child after we fully R.
You need time to fully heal from this. Not only does our emotions take a major hit but so does our body. Do you really want to add a pregnancy on top of the physical stress you are feeling. It could lead to complications before and after delivery. When our bodies are stressed they don't heal well.
This too shall pass
I edit a lot because that stupid box is so small!
Confronted him: 12/22/2011
This is the most difficult thing I've ever done.
What's wrong with having another baby with him if hes remorseful and at my every beck and call. Hes willingly done everything ive asked of him and then some. I didnt think he could change even for our boys but hes went above and beyond. Hes given me the final say on everything. Our councillor said that what hes been doing and how much hes changed is 90% more then what most BSs get from the WS. Thats a big percentage if you ask me.
I think it is outstanding that he has shown remorse and you two have made such progress.
However. You are only 3 months removed from him having an affair.
I hate to throw this in your face, but look at your username -- and then look at your join date.
Obviously this is your decision, but you asked for opinions. There are a lot of incidents of false reconciliation.
I think the collective wisdom is to evaluate a WS's behavior over time. Honeymoon periods are fairly common.
False reconciliations notwithstanding, I tend to think you two need some more time to focus on yourselves as individuals and as a couple.
Just my two cents.