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User
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Topic: It's time - hospice for Mom
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nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226 |  Posted: 7:54 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013 |     |
My mom had a massive stroke 7 years ago. It left her non-verbal, unable to walk, and unable to swallow. She has been slowly fading ever since.
On Friday, her doctor let us know that she does not have long to live. Her health is precarious, and she is too weak to fight anything. It's time.
Today, my Dad met with a Hospice coordinator, and worked through all the impossible questions about how he wanted her last days to go. Yes to Hospice services. No to hospital interventions. Palliative care only. Check, check, initial here, sign there.
He is wrecked. Undone by the final burdens of a caregiver. Cast off from his moorings and watching the love of his life and his partner of 56 years drifting away.
My heart is so heavy, I can barely breathe.
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
Posts: 37319 | Registered: Aug 2011 |
Kajem
♀ 36134
Member # 36134 | | Posted: 7:56 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013 | |
(((((NIK)))))
Sending light and love and hugs,
K
I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.
Posts: 6680 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida |
Mama_of_3_Kids
♀ 26651
Member # 26651 | | Posted: 8:06 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013 | |
(((NIK))) 
Me: BW/33 The kidlets: DS16, DS12, and DD10 The hounds: Three Shih Tzu's The felines: Two short haired kitteh's
Posts: 11773 | Registered: Dec 2009 |
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ 18449
Member # 18449 | | Posted: 8:08 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013 | |
(((nik)))
Posts: 12204 | Registered: Mar 2008 |
Lucky2HaveMe
♀ 13333
Member # 13333 | | Posted: 8:09 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013 | |
So sorry for you all. May her final days be peaceful and pain free. 
Love isn't what you say, it's what you do.
Posts: 8312 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY |
jo2love
♀ 31528
Member # 31528 | | Posted: 8:18 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013 | |
(((NIK)))
Posts: 46372 | Registered: Mar 2011 |
inconnu
♀ 24518
Member # 24518 | | Posted: 8:18 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013 | |
(((NIK))) and (((NIKDad)))
Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we'll ever do. ~ Brené Brown
Posts: 12660 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartof, Texas |
simplydevastated
♀ 25001
Member # 25001 | | Posted: 8:21 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013 | |
Oh NIK, I really don't know what to say. I wish I had some words that could offer some comfort.
Sensing you and your dad big (((HUGS))) and prayers.
Me - BS, 40 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS11, DD8
Getting my ducks in a row for divorce... finally (4+ D-Days too many - listed in profile.)
Posts: 6116 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell! |
TattoodChinaDoll
♀ 34602
Member # 34602 | | Posted: 8:23 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013 | |
((((NIK and family))))
Me: 34
WH: 35 TimeToManUp
Married: 12 years, together 18 years
3 daughters: 10, 7, 4, and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011
This is the most difficult thing I've ever done.
Posts: 1840 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey |
woundedby2
♀ 18522
Member # 18522 | | Posted: 8:25 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013 | |
(((nik))) Sending prayers of comfort for you all.
Me: BS
2 kids: DD16 and DS19
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010
Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson
Posts: 7997 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal |
LosferWords
♂ 30369
Member # 30369 | | Posted: 8:25 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013 | |
((((((NIK))))))
Posts: 24470 | Registered: Dec 2010 |
kernel
♀ 27035
Member # 27035 | | Posted: 8:28 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013 | |
((NIK and family)) Oh NIK, I just went through this when I lost my father last November. It's a horrible, painful time. Just know that this is the right decision and that your Mom's last days will be as peaceful and pain free as possible. Try to rest and be strong for your Dad, but don't forget to let yourself grieve as well. Hugs to you, sweetie. It's so hard, no way around it.
"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."
Posts: 5378 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest |
wifehad5
♂ 15162
Member # 15162 | | Posted: 8:47 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013 | |
(((NIK and family)))
FBH - 44
FWW - 45 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 8 & 14
The people you do your life with shape the life you live
Posts: 43327 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan |
Deeply Scared
♀ 2
Member # 2 | | Posted: 8:48 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013 | |
(((NIK)))
I have some experience with Hospice...if you need to talk, I'm here for you.
Sending you so much love and support...I hope you can feel it from Texas
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)
My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.
Posts: 209398 | Registered: May 2002 |
GabyBaby
♀ 26928
Member # 26928 | | Posted: 8:52 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013 | |
((( Nowiknow23 )))
Me - 44
DD(23), DS(20, PDD-NOS)
WH#2 (SorryinSac)- Killed himself in our home 6 days after being served divorce docs.
XWH #1 - legally married 18yrs. 12+ OW (that I know of).
I edit often for clarity/typos.
Posts: 9465 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Here and There |
abbycadabby
♀ 27428
Member # 27428 | | Posted: 8:56 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013 | |
My word, NIK. What a beautifully sad way to phrase your post. I am so sorry for your mom's failing health and your dad's task of making these final decisions.
Hugs to you all. You're in my thoughts.
Posts: 1729 | Registered: Feb 2010 |
MovingUpward
♂ 14866
Member # 14866 | | Posted: 8:57 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013 | |
(((NIK)))
AKA Moo
Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless
We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.
Posts: 54367 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation |
tryingagain74
♀ 33698
Member # 33698 | | Posted: 9:06 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013 | |
(((NIK)))
FBS; now happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley
Posts: 4079 | Registered: Oct 2011 |
jrc1963
♀ 26531
Member # 26531 | | Posted: 9:07 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013 | |
(((NIK)))
Me: BSO - 48
Him: FWSO - 71
DS - 15
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"
Posts: 25631 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida |
click4it
♀ 209
Member # 209 | | Posted: 9:20 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013 | |
((((((NIK))))))
Oh hun...my heart is heavy for you. Holding you up with my hugs.
Me: 42
Two boys: 18 and 15
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01
Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?
Posts: 25681 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California |
| Topic Posts: 56 | |
