This Topic is Archived
nowiknow23 (original poster member #33226) posted at 1:54 AM on Wednesday, June 19th, 2013
My mom had a massive stroke 7 years ago. It left her non-verbal, unable to walk, and unable to swallow. She has been slowly fading ever since.
On Friday, her doctor let us know that she does not have long to live. Her health is precarious, and she is too weak to fight anything. It's time.
Today, my Dad met with a Hospice coordinator, and worked through all the impossible questions about how he wanted her last days to go. Yes to Hospice services. No to hospital interventions. Palliative care only. Check, check, initial here, sign there.
He is wrecked. Undone by the final burdens of a caregiver. Cast off from his moorings and watching the love of his life and his partner of 56 years drifting away.
My heart is so heavy, I can barely breathe.
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
Kajem ( member #36134) posted at 1:56 AM on Wednesday, June 19th, 2013
(((((NIK)))))
Sending light and love and hugs,
K
I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - UnknownRelationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.
Mama_of_3_Kids ( member #26651) posted at 2:06 AM on Wednesday, June 19th, 2013
(((NIK))) 
Me: BW/33 The kidlets: DS16, DS12, and DD10 The hounds: Three Shih Tzu's The felines: Two short haired kitteh's
ThoughtIKnewYa ( member #18449) posted at 2:08 AM on Wednesday, June 19th, 2013
Lucky2HaveMe ( member #13333) posted at 2:09 AM on Wednesday, June 19th, 2013
So sorry for you all. May her final days be peaceful and pain free. 
Love isn't what you say, it's what you do.
jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 2:18 AM on Wednesday, June 19th, 2013
(((NIK)))
inconnu ( member #24518) posted at 2:18 AM on Wednesday, June 19th, 2013
(((NIK))) and (((NIKDad)))
There is no joy without gratitude. - Brené Brown
simplydevastated ( member #25001) posted at 2:21 AM on Wednesday, June 19th, 2013
Oh NIK, I really don't know what to say. I wish I had some words that could offer some comfort.
Sensing you and your dad big (((HUGS))) and prayers.
Me - BS, 40 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS11, DD8
Getting my ducks in a row for divorce... finally (4+ D-Days too many - listed in profile.)
TattoodChinaDoll ( member #34602) posted at 2:23 AM on Wednesday, June 19th, 2013
Me: 35
WH: 37 TimeToManUp
Married: 14 years, together 19 years
3 daughters: 12, 8, 6, and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011
This is the most difficult thing I've ever done.
woundedby2 ( member #18522) posted at 2:25 AM on Wednesday, June 19th, 2013
(((nik))) Sending prayers of comfort for you all.
In 2010 I divorced the NPD assclown who cheated on me with my best friend.
Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson
LosferWords ( member #30369) posted at 2:25 AM on Wednesday, June 19th, 2013
kernel ( member #27035) posted at 2:28 AM on Wednesday, June 19th, 2013
((NIK and family)) Oh NIK, I just went through this when I lost my father last November. It's a horrible, painful time. Just know that this is the right decision and that your Mom's last days will be as peaceful and pain free as possible. Try to rest and be strong for your Dad, but don't forget to let yourself grieve as well. Hugs to you, sweetie. It's so hard, no way around it.
"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."
wifehad5 ( Administrator #15162) posted at 2:47 AM on Wednesday, June 19th, 2013
FBH - 52 FWW - 53 (BrokenRoad)2 kids 17 & 22The people you do your life with shape the life you live
Deeply Scared ( Administrator #2) posted at 2:48 AM on Wednesday, June 19th, 2013
(((NIK)))
I have some experience with Hospice...if you need to talk, I'm here for you.
Sending you so much love and support...I hope you can feel it from Texas
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)
My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.
GabyBaby ( member #26928) posted at 2:52 AM on Wednesday, June 19th, 2013
((( Nowiknow23 )))
Me - late 40s
DD(27), DS(24, PDD-NOS)
WH#2 (SorryinSac)- Killed himself (May 2015) in our home 6 days after being served divorce docs.
XWH #1 - legally married 18yrs. 12+ OW (that I know of).
I edit often for clarity/typos.
abbycadabby ( member #27428) posted at 2:56 AM on Wednesday, June 19th, 2013
My word, NIK. What a beautifully sad way to phrase your post. I am so sorry for your mom's failing health and your dad's task of making these final decisions.
Hugs to you all. You're in my thoughts.
MovingUpward ( member #14866) posted at 2:57 AM on Wednesday, June 19th, 2013
tryingagain74 ( member #33698) posted at 3:06 AM on Wednesday, June 19th, 2013
FBS; now happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley
jrc1963 ( member #26531) posted at 3:07 AM on Wednesday, June 19th, 2013
Me: BSO - 56 Him: FWSO - 79 DS - 23 D-Day - 12-11-09, R - he finally came homeYour life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"
click4it ( member #209) posted at 3:20 AM on Wednesday, June 19th, 2013
((((((NIK))))))
Oh hun...my heart is heavy for you. Holding you up with my hugs.
Me: 45
Two boys: 20 and 17
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01
Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?
This Topic is Archived
