This is the hall of mirrors. Where you will face yourself. Buckle up.
I had a revenge affair that was purely emotional
Nobody gets points for emotional vs. physical. An affair is an affair. Period.
I started the affair because I was pretty certain my F was cheating and I didn't want to have to be hurt without someone to lean on.
So...you were sure you were being cheated on and instead of reaching out in a healthy way (counselor, trusted friend, family, pastor) you decided to cheat yourself? Did you not think that the same hurt you were feeling because of your WS betrayal, you were in turn dishing right back to him?
One day I stopped and changed my number, not for my F but because I was out of integrity.
You were out of integrity the moment you decided to cheat.
Unlike the AP my F chose, my AP is not a bad person.
How do you know this? Because he told you? Our AP's will tell us they are leaders of the Boy Scouts, they crochet with their grandmother's every Saturday morning, and are the choir director at their church. Yeah? So?
How exactly have you verified that he is all that and a bag of chips compared to your WS AP? You never met him in person. You only know what he told you via apps. Is he married? Does he have children? Do you know that for a fact? Did you check? Did he know you are engaged and in a relationship?
I think you're in hot water if you're going to start the whole, "My AP is awesomer than your AP." All APs suck. Period. Pure and simple. All APs (whether they know it or not) helped us destroy ourselves and our relationships. Nothing to feel warm and fuzzy about there. Your AP is the enemy. Your WS AP is the enemy. They're both bad.
NC is NC. Would you want your WS sending his AP an apology letter? I seriously doubt it. You owe your AP nothing. Zilch. Nada. Stay NC.
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne