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I feel like my atty is wanting me to accept the 2nd settlement offer...I have yet to even SEE the Discovery he sent via CD where she noted 3 bank accounts, Victoria's Secret lingerie, Coach, Jucie Couture, etc.

Could be gifts for new OW/OM.

With Bi-Perv, anything goes.

I need to see this Discovery and would appreciate any advise on how to counter offer STBX settlement offer.

Not feeling like my atty really has my back here.

I've asked her what my legal bills are and other pertinent info in several e-mails now but she does not answer ALL of my questions!

Is this the norm? Is she just lazy?

And I know there is a way spousal support can be worded so it does not become a yearly tax issue/liability for me.

(I saw it on here some time ago but cannot recall how this was worded so if any one remembers that post, please being it to my attention as I'm a pretzel.

And how long does one have to counter offer time-wise? The Judge wants us back in court with a settlement agreement end of next month or he he will set it aside "for trial".

And he is relatively new as a D Judge, too.

My attorney keeps telling me The Judge would NOT go for a lump sum settlement (2 years spousal support) but my main concern is that he and the new "honey" will skip out of the country leaving me holding the bag with respect to STBX paying any future spousal support and I am wondering why this particular amount cannot be *frozen* for the 2 year period time frame involved. She's been very discouraging about a cash lump spousal support payout or some of his assets being frozen to protect me as his word is utter crap even though she agrees that "he does have a lot of $$$ that he is hiding".

I hate to say this but I sometimes wonder exactly whose side she is on:

Me or Mr. Moneybags NPD F*cker?!

(edited b/c I cant spell tonite)

[This message edited by dreamlife at 3:50 AM, June 19th (Wednesday)]

And he certainly has enough $$$ to leave the country and never return. So a Judgement for 2 years of spousal support would mean zip to him!

How/where would I find him/them?

He has said numerous times he plans to leave for where it is "nice and warm" and never come back.

Is it possible at all to consult another lawyer for a second opinion? An accountant?

I found a decent lawyer after meeting with three.

Also, some things aren't usual in the state I live in, but some other divorces have had unusual details go through positively, where a story is so terrible that a judge will allow an unusual detail to the betrayed party.

One is alimony.

And sometimes I've had to ask the same questions multiple times. I did learn from working as a legal secretary for a long time, that they can get distracted and very busy in their own way and sometimes they just have to be reminded.

I went about three weeks not hearing from L in the spring and he finally contacted me with a bunch of answers and a big apology because he had an immediate family member have a hospital emergency and lives in the south.

Sometimes I also think they may not be able to tell us the exact amount of legal bills our situations will rack up, but it's a valid question to ask. Mine told me his hourly rate and costs of filing the minimum amount of documents and then we went from there.

An accountant may be able to help with your worries on spousal support. I also wonder if there will be that for myself and child support and have to ask.

It's terrible to learn that sometimes it's not about money for an Ex, but keeping money away from the betrayed person and keeping "expenses" down for them AMAP. It's terrible, I repeat that because it weighs heavily in my mind and I have something similar going on, too.

I wish you some moments of peace, for it is truly one of the most difficult and "black hole" periods of life, in my humble opinion. It rots.

It was always my lawyer's secretary/asst. that dealt with the billing - you might try calling the office and just ask the front desk for a current itemized bill, so you can see where things are.

Is there an asset or a portion of an asset that would offset the lack of SS? You could offer a waive of alimony but you get 65 percent of the house... or a car or something like that? Although I wouldn't offer or accept anything until I saw his discovery responses, and those 3 bank accts. Have you discussed hiring a forensic acct?

Is this the norm?

Yep, for a shitty lawyer, that's the norm. How you're feeling is exactly how I felt about my old lawyer. He wasn't listening or answering my questions, and I swear it felt like he was fighting for my STBX.. My new one is the exact opposite, and I'm so very glad I switched..

I would definitely recommend calling around and trying to find a new lawyer. This one is not for you..

Good luck..

Running out of steam/$$$...my particular community property state has a population of less than 3 million running out of affordable attorneys she was the ONLY atty that was HONEST about me getting a change of jurisdiction (its the law) and all the others never did reveal this to me. In fact, they used this in order to jack up my retainer by another 5K!

I live in the Land of Thieves & Good Ole Boys, folks!

Calling her para-legal is $40, sending the atty an e-mail is $75, et al.

Dream, just tell her you would like to put it in with the lump sum even if she doesn't think the judge will go for it and see what happens. She can advise you, but it's your choice what you do.

I filed with Adultery as the cause. It didn't "matter" to the settlement, the MSA was already done, this was just the papers. My L tried to talk me out of it, said the judge might not like it and kick it back, etc etc. I said do it anyway, I'll take my chances. Judge signed it, no problem.

If you think X is going to disappear, figure out some way that you aren't dependent on that monthly cheque. Try for the lump sum. Go for a larger part of other assets in lew (liu?) of spousal as Take suggested...get creative. Just remember the choice of what to ask for is yours in the end...your L works for you.

If he's relatively new as a D judge, how does your atty know he 'won't go for it?' I wouldn't hesitate to tell the judge about your concerns, based on your wh's threats, to leave the country.

Good ideas, all. And thank you so much.

My attorney keeps referring to "liquid assets" as far as having a lump sump settlement..."that the court would never go for it", etc.

His atty had the nerve to say STBX is offering me such and such in the MSA because he does not want Ms Dreamlife to "suffer".

Oh, the irony of it all!

I feel like asking for one year of specialized post D therapy!!

I will be 65 next month and I don't even have a "smartphone"...no real jewelry (just a lot of dead flowers and empty vases)...no credit card for an emergency...and now he's going to flit off with OP like nothing ever happened?!

I am so angry I can hardly catch my breath just thinking about it all!

The bastard trounced nearly a decade of my life!

(Edited b/c I just had to add 2 more important sentences).

[This message edited by dreamlife at 6:40 AM, June 20th (Thursday)]

I just e-mailed my Atty.

Trying to stay positive...

My lawyer discouraged me from asking for things in court. If you don't ask you will never receive it. I went against advice and requested things and you know what? I received them. The worst they can say is no.

They should let you see the discovery info. My lawyer burned me a cd. It's not their property...it's yours. You paid for it and it sounds very suspicious if your lawyer won't let you look at it.

C~ I agree...still have not heard back from my L. I told her I would be down to her office to pick up a copy of the CD yesterday afternoon & even at this moment, when she actually used to send me an e-mail on a weekend, I have heard nothing back.

I had a doc appt yesterday an am severely Vit D deficient...have been for many years. 15 is very low!

I told him I feel like asking for reperative massage and post D therapy b/c I was having a severe back spasm an hour prior to leaving to see my doc! He could feel how my lower back had knotted up!

Oh, the shit STBX has put me through. My doc actually agreed about the post D IC/massages!

Why, oh why, don't attorneys ASK for more on their client's behalf? That "No" word never killed anyone!

Of course, Bi-Perve has $$$$ up the ass to make nice-nice with everyone ----> behind my back.

Do I sound paranoid at this point?

Well, I am.