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Newest Member: crazyhorse27 (60763)

User Topic: Same old crap
♀ 34918
Member # 34918
Default  Posted: 7:35 AM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here we are, a week and a half after we had a major blow out because of WH's poor boundaries. I heard "oh I will finish the book" (Not Just Friends) and "oh I will call about counseling". Neither has happened. I shouldn't be surprised, as my WH pretty much never follows through on what he says he will do. He needs to be nagged to make a simple phonecall. Well, I'm not nagging anymore. I refuse to hold his hand and force him to do the shit he needs to do to save our M. I've been 180ing unconsciously, and I feel myself detaching more and more every day. He seems to busy to notice. Yes, he has a demanding job and life has been hectic lately, but COME ON.

I'm just so tired of feeling like I am the only one fighting for us, when I didn't ask for any of this, and I'm a damn good wife. It's so hard to see the person you love more than anything in the world, and know that you need to let them go because they just don't get it and never will.

I'm only 29 and have already had to live through so much pain because of him, as he dragged me through all this crap. We never really had a long "happy" time, as the cheating started just a few years into our relationship. I'm so sad for our children, they don't deserve to deal with this because he can't seem to get his head out of his ass. He seems to think that he can tell me what I want to hear and it will all go away after a few days. Well, unfortunately it doesn't work that way, buddy.

All I ever wanted was him and to make him happy

BW (me):31
WH (guiltfilled11): 32
together 12 years, married 6 years
DDay: July 6th 2011
False R: beginning of August
True R until DDay 06/20 - talking to another girl and lying about it
Kids: DD 8, DS 6, DD 4

Posts: 184 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: NY
♀ 35846
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 4:45 PM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it may be time for you to make yourself happy.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 4012 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
♀ 39077
Member # 39077
Default  Posted: 5:19 PM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry, Hurt. I see from your signature it's been awhile since you started R. And he's still having boundary issues?

When you had your DD(s), did he have to really look at life without you? That whole adage about actions being louder than words really kicks in with people like this - both FROM them and TO them.

I'm completely sure you've said everything right; offered him all the right words, prepped opportunities for him to step in and make his own, give him blueprints to what exactly you need; and yet, here you are.

I think he's used to you taking care of him. I think he's so used to it that it's gone beyond "taking you for granted" to feeling entirely entitled that of course you're going to do it for him.

So stop. I know it's hard. I know it feels like taking "his only chance" away from him. But it's time to talk about YOUR needs. He's not taking care of you. It's time for you to take the energy you pour into him and give it back to yourself.

Spend time doing things YOU like to do. Spend time with your kids. I'm sure you've been the engine keeping everything going. That's okay, you can keep doing that - for everyone but him.

Make dinner, if you're the one that cooks, but don't bother with his favorite things. Pick movies to watch that YOU want to watch. Counseling is a great idea! So find one for YOU. Focus on YOU.

Hugs. Your husband has to grow up to be with you. Lots of people don't choose something that needs to be done until they have NO OTHER CHOICE. Sad, but that's where he's at.

Posts: 292 | Registered: Apr 2013
Topic Posts: 3

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