I'm so sorry, Hurt. I see from your signature it's been awhile since you started R. And he's still having boundary issues?
When you had your DD(s), did he have to really look at life without you? That whole adage about actions being louder than words really kicks in with people like this - both FROM them and TO them.
I'm completely sure you've said everything right; offered him all the right words, prepped opportunities for him to step in and make his own, give him blueprints to what exactly you need; and yet, here you are.
I think he's used to you taking care of him. I think he's so used to it that it's gone beyond "taking you for granted" to feeling entirely entitled that of course you're going to do it for him.
So stop. I know it's hard. I know it feels like taking "his only chance" away from him. But it's time to talk about YOUR needs. He's not taking care of you. It's time for you to take the energy you pour into him and give it back to yourself.
Spend time doing things YOU like to do. Spend time with your kids. I'm sure you've been the engine keeping everything going. That's okay, you can keep doing that - for everyone but him.
Make dinner, if you're the one that cooks, but don't bother with his favorite things. Pick movies to watch that YOU want to watch. Counseling is a great idea! So find one for YOU. Focus on YOU.
Hugs. Your husband has to grow up to be with you. Lots of people don't choose something that needs to be done until they have NO OTHER CHOICE. Sad, but that's where he's at.