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WhatsRight posted 6/19/2013 08:32 AM

Last night, one of our kids had done something 'bad'.

My WH says to me...

"I just don't get it. I don't understand how he can do something like this and not understand why it is so bad; not understand how it hurts people; and not make any attempts to do anything about it."

Are you kidding me?

If I responded with - "Because that is exactly how you have handled your infidelity" then there would be ugly words, threats about leaving that are never followed through on, and silent treatment for God know how long. So I left it alone.

I just sat there and cried. I guess in his vacuum he thought I was crying about my son.

[This message edited by WhatsRight at 8:34 AM, June 19th (Wednesday)]

Tred posted 6/19/2013 08:37 AM

I had one of those moments last night. We were watching TV and an ad came on for a dating site for "Cougars". My wife said "is that for real? do people really use sites like that?". Uh huh. It's as real as Ashley Madison honey...

I felt like crying too. Just another night with shitty sleep and nightmares. I guess there comes a time when their transgressions fade to them or are buried. I don't think it's malicious, because it's something she would of said prior to her A. Still...just hurts.

Jennifer99 posted 6/19/2013 09:19 AM

You are a better person than me. I am pretty sure I would have said "really? pot...kettle".

WhatsRight posted 6/19/2013 11:49 AM

That is EXACTLY what I want to say - but it never helps anything. He just doesn't get it.

crazyblindsided posted 6/19/2013 12:52 PM

(((WhatsRight)))

I have yet to gain that control over myself. I still blurt out what I want about half of the time.

Just the other day I was talking to WH about maybe taking a Krav Maga class (self defense). He told me that he prefers his woman to be feminine, to which I said you mean like MOW.

It's really hard for me not to throw it back when they set themselves up for it. I'm working on it though.

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 12:52 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)]

Ostrich80 posted 6/19/2013 12:59 PM

Weird how they don't see themselves. Mt ws made comments about DDs bf being a POS lying cheater. How could he do that to someone who loved and cared for him so much....really?????

TXBW68 posted 6/19/2013 14:53 PM

I caught my DS13 texting some very inappropriate comments to a girl last week. As I chastised him, my husband called - he was out of town dealing with sick grandma. I put my husband on speaker so he could chime in as needed.

I proceeded to read the text out loud, then tell my son how disrespectful and inappropriate the text was to the girl and to himself. That I don't care what his friends do/think. I only care about him. I said that if he carried himself with class, then people around him would start to respect him and act accordingly around him. Maybe they would even change their behavior too.

When I finished my yelling, I asked my H if he had anything to add. He said "No, you about covered it."

I didn't ask my H, but I've wondered if he understood that I was talking about him too. I was disgusted by my DS13's comments, but honestly, I've seen worse on my H's phone and computer.

Big Pot meet Little Pot...
Like Father, like son...

WhatsRight posted 6/19/2013 17:39 PM

I have to agree with you.

At times when I am giving a 'good talking to' to one of my kids, and I COULD use a totally different analogy, I use something that directly applies to my WH.

Of course, he chimes in, agrees, and never even acts like he has a clue that it also applies to him.

Do you think they don't see it?

or........

Do they just avoid dealing with it?

huRtZ413 posted 6/19/2013 18:14 PM

Same thing happened today we were talking about our daughters and what they will encounter when they get older like becoming sexually active he says: " I will be upset but I know it will happen all I can tell them is make sure your smart about it and won't regret your choice and its with the right person " yeah ok dude ( he wasn't smart and nor was it with the right person ....hmmm I guess he didn't think about that.....yeah she's not your wife buddy ...

Ghostrider posted 6/19/2013 18:23 PM

I asked me WW once - during one of my angrier moments - how she planned to raise our sons given her actions. She just stared at me. No words. It hit her like a ton of bricks. She would live with this disaster her whole life.

As will I.

uncertainone posted 6/19/2013 18:25 PM

Do you think they don't see it?

Sometimes we see it very clearly. I raise my children from the perspective of things I have done that ended disastrously, things that worked well for me, and things I learned from others.

While I am a wayward there are things other do I do not understand at all. There are things I do they don't. It is possible to have made poor choices in your own life understanding those quite well while not getting other's choices.

Although, when "you're" always looking at others actions it does leave a very blind spot for your own. There's that.