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Akers2 posted 6/19/2013 12:50 PM

Today I'm doing "ok"...yesterday I was a total psychotic nut case. I called him at work at least 40 times and kept emailing and calling her. I feel like I've gone completely mad. My pregnancy hormones sure don't help the situation. It's just the fact they work together and all I think about is them there, together, him telling her the intimate details of our life together. He threatened to leave me last night if I kept acting "nuts" and had the audacity to bring home a crisis hotline number for me to call. He again reiterated how incredible, and caring and thoughtful she is. He loves to compare. I'm in so much deep, deep pain. Why can't he see those words are hurtful? Why can't he see what he has done to me and my unborn baby? Why does he love her and not me? I'm desperate for answers and for my husbands love he has now found with someone else.

Lalagirl posted 6/19/2013 12:56 PM

That sonofabitch is ready to have you committed from the crazy that HE inflicted upon you?

OMG I am so angry for you!

Honey, you need to detach. I know it's not easy. I know it hurts. But if he knows your begging, pleading, etc., he will cake eat and play you until you do snap.

This is all about HIM right now - you need to take care of YOU. We will help you.

180 and close the bakery sweetie.

Many hugs...

Lala

Reality posted 6/19/2013 12:57 PM

Danielle, him saying that to you, about the crisis center number and extolling her virtues was horribly cruel.

Listen. You need to get some minimum safe distance for you and your baby. From that description, he is still so delusional, there's nothing he can do to help you.

Is there somewhere you can go for a few days? A supportive environment where people can take care of you and you stay the heck away from him and his dumb, foggy self?

Lalagirl posted 6/19/2013 12:58 PM

PS -

Why can't he see those words are hurtful?

He DOES. That is what pisses me off the most. He's putting you and his own flesh and blood in danger.

Jennifer99 posted 6/19/2013 13:00 PM

What Lala said.

BTDT but not pregnant, I can't IMAGINE the hormones effect.

When WH did this to me I thought he was truly trying to hurt me, I didn't think the rest of it was even real he was just trying to find the last way he could to make me nuts as I had removed all other "buttons".

I didn't know about 180 but did my own version until I got calm. Then I told him I was happy for him, then I found out she didn't want him

Its been 1 year. I am just now trying to think and not react.

Hugs!

cliffside posted 6/19/2013 13:25 PM

What an asshole! Can you go back to your family? If so, go. Leave him a note telling him you're going back to Ohio and will be filing for divorce. Definitely file for divorce. You don't have to go through with it, but it will show you if he's able to snap out of the fog, or if he's too far gone. What about the other woman (OW)? Is she married? If so, tell her betrayed spouse (BS).

I'm sorry you're going through this but hopefully you can gain some calm knowing all of us on here have been betrayed and hurt. We understand. There are others on here who are also pregnant, I'm sure they'll chime in.

frankiebaby posted 6/19/2013 13:44 PM

Please, please, please re explore your options and leave him. That isn't love and remorse speaking-- it's resentment and cruelty. It will hurt worse than anything, but this emotional wear and tear will do nothing for you or the baby-- and even if you want to reconcile, you need a break in a peaceful place, where you dont have to apologize to your abuser.
Love and hugs hun xoxoxo

Jospehine85 posted 6/19/2013 13:58 PM

(((Akers2)))

First, you need to stop trying to contact the OW. This is very important for a number of reasons:

1. By harassing (40 phone calls, constant emails) both of them at work you are giving them something to bond over. Yep, your behavior directed at both of them gives them an excuse to talk and commiserate with each other. Don't give them an excuse.

2. Your WH is in lala land right now and building up OW in order to not feel like the slime he is. Part of building her up is tearing you down. His comments to you are designed to justify the A in his mind. Don't give him any justification.

3. You do NOT want him building a case against you being an unfit mother. Don't give him ammo.

You need to go total NC with him. Can you go back to Ohio and stay with family? Can you get yourself into IC? Right now your WH doesn't sound like he is remorseful, which means his behavior isn't going to change.

His behavior will change when it becomes to painful to stay the same person.

Have you considered outing them to their bosses? It is quite likely they are spending a lot of time talking and emailing each other on work time.

Is OW married? Out her to her BS.
Have you told your WH's family? Consider letting them know. Some times shining some light on the smarmy behavior can send the AP scurrying like a cockroach.

What would people think of them at work if they knew your WH and the OW were cheating on a pregnant woman?

Take2 posted 6/19/2013 23:02 PM

I also want to add, that I think that all those phone calls to their place of employment - can legally be considered harassment. Step away from the phone and the computer.

((( Akers ))) Praying you dig deep and find your strength (and some righteous anger wouldn't hurt either!)

WoundedOpus posted 6/20/2013 11:39 AM

(((((Akers2)))))

I am so sad for you, and SO ANGRY! What a real POS. I have no further advice that you haven't already received... step away from the phone and the computer, go stay with family for some time if you can, just please take care of yourself and your baby.

I'll be thinking of you both and praying!

1Faith posted 6/20/2013 11:58 AM

Akers2

So sorry for your situation. My heart breaks for you.

He threatened to leave me last night if I kept acting "nuts"

What's wrong? He doesn't like the monster he created? Well too bad. He created this mess and you are left with trying to navigate through it.

I know it is hard but you have to shock him out of the fog (he may or may not ever come around). He is comparing you to the OW and that is mentally cruel and abusive, especially since you are pregnant. Does he realize what this stress can do to you and your baby? How incredibly selfish.

Read the 180. Even if you are pregnant you can't allow yourself to be an option to your husband. You can't allow him to continue to have another woman in your marriage. If they work together they are still seeing each other. (((sorry)))

Tell your husband that if he is so unhappy you're willing to walk away. See an attorney and know your rights with regard to child support and alimony.

He is living in a fantasy world and he is probably scared of the reality of a baby and fatherhood so he is being a coward and looking for reassurance and ego stroking elsewhere. COWARD.

I know you are hurt but be prepared to move on.

He is not acting at all like he is remorseful or that he is committed to reconciliation or helping you heal.

You and your baby deserve better.

Sending hugs....

[This message edited by 1Faith at 12:00 PM, June 20th (Thursday)]

Holly-Isis posted 6/20/2013 12:36 PM

Healing Library > BS FAQs #11

It's called the 180. Read it, start following it. Come here and post your crazy. They do bond over it.

Have you outed them to their employer yet? Is she M? If so, out the A to her BH/SO.

And back off. Concentrate on you and the precious baby you are growing. Consult a lawyer so you have realistic expectations of what will happen if you D. Begin thinking about how much peace you will have if you don't have to deal with sharing your WH. He's no longer the man you were building a future with, but instead the one that's tearing it, your M and your family apart. Turn away from him as much as you can. He'll either wake up and be ready to earn his way back into the M or you'll grow strong enough to leave him behind. You don't need this in your life.

I know I'm making it sound simple. I know it's not. I know there's so much love and even more pain in your life right now. From experience and years reading on this site though, I know the BS's best bet is when we begin to love ourselves enough to say NO MORE.