Forum Archives

Return to Forum List

Contact the other OW? Since it's been a few years

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

Chefj9 posted 6/19/2013 15:10 PM

Their A was 4 years ago, and she doesnt' know that I know about her. I don't want a dialogue, I guess I just want her to know that she didn't get away with it. That I know.

I know it serves no purpose in the end and would probably equal more hurts. She's the type more likely to "go off" on me.

I just can't stand the fact that she really got to walk away with no accountability or consequences. And it's really eating at me that OW#1 and OW#2 are close friends and co-workers and they now know about each other and my SAWH.

OW#3 might as well have been a prostitute from the sounds of what happened. She knows, I know, because I caught them emailing and he sent her a NC. Although he claimed at the time, it was nothing more than emails... I now know the truth.

I know in the end, they all mean nothing, and I should let it go. I'm getting there, slowly.... some days though it's hard to let them be. LTA OW, is still pining and posting music to SAWH on FB. He can't see it and doesn't want too. I still check out her page occasionally. She's the bunny boiler and I never know when and where she's going to try and contact one of us.

Overall, I'm doing better, SAWH is totally doing better and we are working on things. I have days that I don't trigger, and that I'm happy. I think of what he did every day, but I'm not melting down and havenít really cried in weeks, not like I used too...

Just afraid that if I contact her, thatíll set me/us back. Has anyone ever gone back and contacted the OW years after the A?

teach5 posted 6/19/2013 15:16 PM

I know what you mean- it has been 6 years for me and I sometimes think about contacting her- but I know it will not help so I resist the urge.

ajsmom posted 6/19/2013 15:42 PM

NC with OW works both ways.

Nothing will be gained by you poking the tiger.

Absolutely nothing.

Stay the course.


Getting to Happy posted 6/19/2013 16:26 PM


I texted her and sent her nasty pictures back to her.

Pretending to be Mr. Happy I sent her a

"HEY HO! Remember me from a few years ago...I'm coming back to town!!"

Then (as Mr. Happy) proceeded to ask for a 'redo'. Told her

"Your photos are so sexy but I had to lie to my wife and say they were just some sleazy pics a friend had sent to me from a desperate one night stand."

She said to stop comminicating with her, she did not do 'redos' and that her fiance would not like it...

"Well, let me give your fiance some tips on satisfying you since we had so much fun...MMMM"

Also after she told me to destroy the photos I said

" Oh no, these are mine now! I am going to put them into an archive of all the other dirty pics OW had sent, don't worry your in in 'good company'!"

FYI~Mr. Happy does not have an archive.

It felt great!

WoundedOpus posted 6/19/2013 16:27 PM

I think about it all the time, although she knows I know. I have no idea what I'd say, which I guess makes it easier to resist. On my seriously bad days, I have a very very hard time not contacting her husband though. Eats me up...why should our lives be the only ones torn apart, why does she get to go home every night to an unsuspecting loving husband?

Stay strong, we both know nothing good will come of it. I need to write out a letter to them both, and then just file it away, maybe just writing it will help me get over the urge!

anv5 posted 6/20/2013 12:30 PM

I struggle with this too
I know that since it happened 5yrs ago (even though I just found out) it would be bad to contact her now. I do believe him that he has not had contact with her. I also believe that from what I know of her she would lie & try to cause more problems. I agree most days I do good with that decision but every once in a while I have a day that is soo hard not to contact her
Good luck & Hugs

1Faith posted 6/20/2013 12:43 PM

I contacted the OW right after I found out and then six months after DDay.

I too felt like I wanted her to know that she didn't get away with it. And what I thought of her. She is also married with two small children. What mother does that?

She emailed me back and said she was sorry and wished me, my family and my marriage the best. WTFE.

So I understand your motivation I don't know what you would accomplish, especially 4 years after.

If she is the type to go off then she would probably find great joy that it still bothers you 4 years later.

I do send a Christmas card of our family every year to her though. I guess it is my "in your face we are still together" holiday greeting.

Just don't look for any closure from her. She is not relevant anymore.

Focus on the success you have had over the 4 years and all the progress you've made.

Good luck Chef. Keep moving

Phoenix519 posted 6/20/2013 12:54 PM

I found out about the A after it had been over for a few years. I wanted so bad to contact her but everyone here said to let it go. So, I did but it always felt like an itch I couldn't scratch. Dday for me was 5/09.

Last September, her best friend contacted my husband (they work together) and told him that poor little OW was upset that I had looked at her Pinterest page. I know, NC means no new hurts but I think I kept snooping because I had not contacted her.

He told me, and I fired back an email to her and we've not heard from that idiot since.

I wish a million times, I would have done it sooner. She didn't respond and I don't care. It scratched that itch and if I had it to do over, I would have done it immediately.

sudra posted 6/20/2013 13:52 PM

I struggle with this all of the time. I didn't contact OW or her husband because at the time my husband got so angry with me for even suggesting it. (Can you say fog?)

I really want to confront her but 3 years out (for me)? I don't know. Seems to give OW a lot of power.

I just want her to pay, somehow. I totally feel you on this. No advice, just sympathy...

PrincessPeach06 posted 6/20/2013 14:05 PM

This is so hard for me - its only been 5 weeks but I have never said a word to her despite her Facebook messages begging me to call. The last thing I want is for her to have my number!!!

I know she wants my husband in her life and would lie to me so why put more negative thoughts in my head!?!? I would love to tell her that I hope she feels like the trash that she is now knowingly going after a married man while she herself is married. Nothing makes me happier than the fact that she was used and dumped while she thought it was true love. I know that isn't very Christian like but for now I need that thinking just to try and get past my anger.

Chefj9 posted 6/20/2013 14:52 PM

thank you all for your thoughts and advice. I guess nothing would come of it other than as one person said "scratching that itch". I don't really want anymore new hurts, so for now I'm going to take the majority advice here and say nothing.

But knowing me, that could change in a week!

mindisgone posted 6/20/2013 15:12 PM

I did, years after the fact. Can't say I;m sorry. Like you I wanted her to know that I knew.
What I got from her was the usual classy OW crap,
"well I don't know what the problem is, that was xxx years ago"..
All said in a long whine. Apparently for OW at least there is a statute of limitations.

Phoenix519, how would OW know that you were looking at her pinterest page??

Chefj9 posted 6/20/2013 15:59 PM

Phoenix519, how would OW know that you were looking at her pinterest page??

I wondered the same thing... I didn't think anyone could see who looked unless the repinned

WoundedOpus posted 6/25/2013 18:48 PM

Phoenix519, how would OW know that you were looking at her pinterest page??

I wondered the same thing... I didn't think anyone could see who looked unless the repinned

Me too, how did she know???

Return to Forum List

© 2002-2018 ®. All Rights Reserved.