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How would you respond? Opinions Please

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stillhere09 posted 6/19/2013 23:28 PM

I briefly mentioned this one time a while back in someone else's thread.

Talk about a different way of tracking a WS!

My great-grandmother once wondered what was keeping her husband away from home so much, so one day she decided to find out. She followed her H's buggy tracks. They led to a house. My G-Grandmother stayed concealed by the bushes and watched as a woman sat with her H in the yard. He had his arm around her and it was plain that they were lovers. She saw kids in the yard, and they called her H "Father." The kids were younger than my G-Grandmother's kids.

After watching a while, my great grandmother turned and walked home and never mentioned anything about it to her H. But she knew. Or so goes the tale, anyway.

Oh, what my g-grandmother must have gone through!

It amazed me to learn that he had two families.

My cousin recently contacted me saying that someone contacted her and has requested to meet her. She says this woman claims to have the same great grandad. My cousin has a feeling it is one of the descendants from that other family, since we don't know her. She asked me what I would do. I don't quite know how to answer her. How would you feel? Anyone have an opinion?

BeautifulEmpty posted 6/19/2013 23:36 PM

That's a tough one considering what brings us all to SI.
If infidelity wasn't an issue in my life, I'd consider it...after all, it isn't that side of the family's fault nor is great - grandma being subjected to it.
With infidelity in the mix, your own feelings really come in to play. It still isn't their fault and time as moved on but it doesn't mean you have to hurt yourself to satisfy their curiosity.
I guess I'd just take a really long, hard look at my feelings...does it bother me or doesn't it? If not, check them out.
There are likely a lot of OC's that may show up at a half siblings door to see where they belong.

wannabenormal posted 6/19/2013 23:43 PM

I would likely respond with a 'let's meet'.

For me, that is so far removed from present day that I would do it. All the key players are gone and I know me now, I would like to hear more about my family.

Sure it's different, IMO, I would think - how would great-gram want me to act? She didn't shun them, should I? No, she didn't welcome them either, but it's really old 'news' in 2013.

I wouldn't be like neato that you're my great-grandpa's affair family, but it's been a real long time and everyone alive and interested now wasn't vested in that sad past, kwim?

ETA: Are there any living relatives now that WERE around during all that? My gram is still alive and if I knew she knew about and wasn't down, I would respect her wishes in a heartbeat! Other fam, eww...buh-bye!

[This message edited by wannabenormal at 11:45 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)]

callmecrazy posted 6/20/2013 04:22 AM

I'd meet up with her and see how it goes. Just because he put your great-grandmother through hell, speaks nothing on this woman. Also, if she is from the other side it may gain insight as to the entire story. Did they know about the other family or did he have some crazy story he told them? Its part of the family history, but Im interested in these kinds of things. In short, I see no harm at this point.

stillhere09 posted 6/21/2013 06:02 AM

I'm sorry I haven't responded to thank you all for your replies before this. I worked from morning until night yesterday unexpectedly.

Yes, there are still some relatives living that knew great grandmother and great grandad. They say the couple was well-respected, kept a spotless home inside and out, they were both rather strict but very loving toward their 8 kids, etc. These are the things I have always heard about them, and to learn this family secret was a shock to me. I heard about it 8 years ago.

I have often told myself that it was probably just an ugly rumor until now when proof has come wanting to say hello!

The ones who are still living and knew them are aged now, and need not know about the contact. I don't know if the knowledge would upset them or not, but my guess is they wouldn't like it.

The fact that it is part of the family history is what would make me curious and there may indeed be more information from that other side, as callmecrazy said.

On the other hand, something about it just puts me off. The fact that it was so long ago doesn't take away what great-grandma must have gone through all her life - or half of it, anyway, and I keep thinking what she would say if she knew.

ninebark posted 6/21/2013 07:34 AM

I have a wonderful son, his father is a liar and a cheater. I don't condem him for his father's actions, so why should these possible cousins be condemed for their wayward decendant's actions.

I say meet them, you could find out you have some great family members that you never knew about. Turn that negative action into something positve. It doesn't tarnish your grandmother's memory. I didn't know her but I bet she didn't blame the innocent children.

[This message edited by ninebark at 7:35 AM, June 21st (Friday)]

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