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Newest Member: gthreeamigos (46034)

User Topic: XH dating married woman
fadedrainbow
♀ 9280
Member # 9280
Default  Posted: 3:02 AM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am not sure if this is the right place to post this but if not MODS please move. Finally after many years of heartache including the D, and several family members dying, I started to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Going NC with XH really was a key turning point. Then.... he decided to let me know he had a GF (because he wanted to be honest and me not hear from someone else)
That news sent me spiralling again. I posted about it a couple of months ago. Now
my 19 year old is babysitting for the GF's 5 year old in XH house. I had to grit my teeth over that one. I have 2 DD's. They both know the GF is married and she is separated. Yesterday whilst talking to a friend she told me she heard GF's marriage broke up because of XH. I do not know if it is true or not, but..... I am struggling with a few things in particular.
1) I know it is not my business anymore but I feel so disappointed at XH choice to go out with someone who is still married, separated or not.
2) He has introduced my DD's to the GF
and because they are very loyal to him would never say anything to him or me about the situation.
I don't want my DD's to think this is acceptable behaviour for many reasons but they don't seem too bothered.
My younger DD said she doesn't understand why her Dad would want to be with someone so much younger than him, and she doesn't like seeing her Dad with a young child, (he is 64 ) They love their Dad so much and want him to be happy.
Should I say something to my DD's about
any of this or just leave it. Thank you for any insight, comments or advice.
FR


me: FBW
D-Day May 2005
divorced December 2009


Posts: 140 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: UK
cmego
♀ 30346
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 6:29 AM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honestly? It is none of your business who he dates or what he does now.

I have to constantly bite my tongue over what ex does. Constantly. He makes choices I would never do...but that isn't my problem any longer.

I only step in when it is something really, really stupid now. (like discussing moving in with his boyfriend (he is gay) in front of our kids without discussing it with me first. My 9 year old came home in tears saying she never wanted to move in with daddy and B because it is "so weird". I had no warning this was happening. My kids are 7 & 9 and my ex is stupid.)

It may hurt, you can see it isn't a good idea, but that doesn't make it your business. Unless it directly affects you or your children, then you just learn to roll your eyes and bite your tongue and move on.

Letting go is a long process. Stay focused on yourself and your future and let him mess up his own.


me...BS, 44 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced


Posts: 4283 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
SBB
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 11:41 PM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^This.

As far our your kids moral compass - that is a tricky one when you have one parent modelling a complete lack of morals.

I would hazard a guess that they know where you stand on these matters so talking to them about it would be like beating a dead horse.

IMO all you can do is live in a way that is true to you and true to your morals. You have no say nor control over how he lives or what behaviour he models.

You continue to show them how healthy people live. In time he will blow his life up enough that they will see.

Don't mistake them accepting him for them agreeing with his choices. A lot of these kids have to bear the burden of their parents choices in order to maintain a relationship with them.

Don't let this become a wedge between you and your children. You keep doing you and let him keep doing whatever the hell he calls this life he is living.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5734 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 3

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