I can relate to a lot of what you posted! We're 5 and 1/2 years post DDay here. I spent a lot of time trying to work on my own self esteem. It was roughly around where you are at that I decided that I wanted to do things to make myself FEEL sexier. Once I started doing things for ME, my self esteem started climbing in a big way. I did little things, like I colored my hair for a while, I started wearing eye makeup, I bought a few new outfits, I bought a pair of sexy high heels to wear on special occasions. I started spending a lot of time outside to get a good healthy color to my skin.
All those things really helped me feel better about myself, and it also prompted H, on his own, to comment about how good I looked or how sexy those shoes made me. My beauty started to actually shine from within, and he couldn't help but see it and comment about it as well. And THAT was worth a thousand meaningless compliments.
For the sex issue, I tried something fairly early on that really helped me connect with H in that area. For a period of time, every time we had sex, I had at least one small light on in the room. I also asked H to look at my eyes, to connect with me, to let me know he was truly present and I was present and we were both completely in the moment and not off in our heads thinking of other things. It was a very intimidating task at first (especially since I was still feeling unwanted at the time and unattractive), but I did it anyway.
It was intense, incredibly deep, and very powerful for both of us. I felt such a connection with my H after that experience that I actually just sobbed very deeply for a few short moments because of the profound connection I felt with him. It was a good cry, and I've never cried for a good reason after sex in my entire life.
It might be worth trying in your situation. Get out of your head, and back into the situation.
ETA: Forgot to say, yes, my feelings have all returned to normal for my H and life is grand today!
[This message edited by doesitgetbetter at 11:24 AM, June 20th (Thursday)]