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Newest Member: dylan123 (46056)

User Topic: I'm sitting here in a coffee shop...
OnceInALifetime
♂ 26023
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

...trying to get some work done.

There's another woman also trying to get some work done. Three times now, when I've looked up, she was glancing at me, which of course could mean absolutely nothing.

I'm frozen, people. Do I go for it? What the hell do I say?

I've never approached a woman IRL before.


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
7yrsflushed
♂ 32258
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hope you are still in there.

Say, Good morning, you having any luck getting your work done? If she responds then go with it and say me neither or me too and say you need a break and make a comment about the weather or your drink and see if she responds. If she does go with it. Obviously insert some other topic of discussion if it is better for the situation but the main thing is get up and say something. Even if she isn't interested use it as a learning experience for the next time.

There is no fear, no rejection, just learning for next time.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1943 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
Later
♂ 39375
Member # 39375
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, just go and be nice to her. Don't worry about the outcome.

In fact, it might help to think of this as "practice" for the next time. Take the pressure off of yourself.

And, I suggest that you make it a practice to engage all sorts of people that you meet. It will help you overcome anxiety about approaching women.

ETA: I see 7years got his post in before I did, basically same advice.

[This message edited by Later at 8:59 AM, June 20th (Thursday)]


Posts: 385 | Registered: May 2013
Williesmom
♀ 22870
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

check first for a wedding ring.

And then, go with it.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7870 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Amazonia
♀ 32810
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:57 AM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Next time you go for a refill on coffee, ask if you can get her one too!

(If you need the words: "Could you keep an eye on my stuff for a minute? I'm going to grab a refill." then she'll agree, and you can say, "Thanks - can I get you something while I'm up?")

[This message edited by Amazonia at 8:58 AM, June 20th (Thursday)]


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13935 | Registered: Jul 2011
OnceInALifetime
♂ 26023
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 9:00 AM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She just packed up and left.

I was too much of a chicken shit. Couldn't muster the nerve.


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
Later
♂ 39375
Member # 39375
Default  Posted: 9:11 AM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's okay. Don't kick yourself over it -- just recognize that you need to work on.

Like I said above, start interacting with people with whom you have no interest -- that way, when you do see a woman you are interested in, meeting her is not that much different than what you do all the time.


Posts: 385 | Registered: May 2013
Spirit13
♀ 31758
Member # 31758
Default  Posted: 9:20 AM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, there's always "missed connections" in Craigslist!


Men were deceivers ever; one foot in sea and one on shore, to one thing constant never.

Posts: 620 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Midwest
OnceInALifetime
♂ 26023
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I'm a WiFi bum here in town on days that I work remotely. Now I'm at the town library, and gulp, she's here too! No free seats anywhere near her. She's deep in her work., so to approach her would be pretty damned bold.

Gah.

Well, one thing's apparent. My desire to date again is waking up.


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
cmego
♀ 30346
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh you HAVE to say something to her, Once.

Just a smile and a "I see you are a 'wi-fi' bum too!"

What do you have to lose?

If she is married, she will say something like, "Yeah, my husband is hogging it at home..." so that if there is no ring she is sending the message.

Just try...be yourself...we are routing you on!


me...BS, 44 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced


Posts: 4286 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
brokenfinger
♀ 39586
Member # 39586
Default  Posted: 10:08 AM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Go for it!!!

I would totally respond to a guy who approached me like that.


There is no stronger message, then dirt in your face.

Posts: 49 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
wildbananas
♀ 10552
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dude! I don't know if you're both still there but say something! Even a cheesy "We have to stop meeting like this" would work.


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15449 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
tesla
♀ 34697
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sending icebreaker mojo your way!


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4837 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
asurvivor
♂ 32368
Member # 32368
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tell her your homeless and ask for some spare change...worst case you may make some money.


I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know.



Posts: 587 | Registered: Jun 2011
OnceInALifetime
♂ 26023
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I was in the library for about 15 minutes before my daughter met me after school (a half day). Didn't muster up the nerve in that time.

My daughter and I had lunch, then I left her at the apartment and went back to the library to wait for my younger one to get out of school.

I strode into the area where she had been working, with a line at the ready, but she wasn't there.

At the coffee shop, she was on the other side of the lounge and there was another single woman sitting at a table adjacent to her. Besides being nervous as shit, I really didn't want to give this other woman a chopped liver feeling while I flirted with the woman next to her.

When I first entered the library, I went into the area where she was, saw that there were no seats, so sat far away at the other end. To then come back and make a move would have been incredibly deliberate and ballsy; there was no other "excuse" for me to reenter that area.

Boo. Well, if there's a next time maybe I won't be so afraid of the water.

Sorry to disappoint, guys. You can put the popcorn away


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
Amazonia
♀ 32810
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1. Unless the second woman was also making eyes at you, no reason to worry about offending her. Not everyone at the coffee shop is looking to go home wtih someone. No more excuses of that nature.

2. It wouldn't have been unreasonably ballsy to go back to where she was. The very reason would have been to say hi to her. I know that feels really forward and foreign, but she was sending you signals that she was interested. It's okay to accept, acknowledge, and follow up on those.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13935 | Registered: Jul 2011
OnceInALifetime
♂ 26023
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

she was sending you signals that she was interested

Not so sure. Maybe. Do brief glances my way necessarily mean interest? I hope so, because otherwise I haven't a clue.

Maybe I'll see her around town again... I have a feeling I'm going to be having lots of lattes over the next few days.


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
little turtle
♀ 15584
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do brief glances my way necessarily mean interest?

You caught her looking your way 3 times. I'm not going to continue looking at someone at a coffee shop if I'm not interested in something about him. Especially not after he sees me looking his way!

I hope you see her again soon and say something to her!!

What would you say to her in a message if you came across her profile online?


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4248 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
clralb
♀ 17185
Member # 17185
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tell her your homeless and ask for some spare change...worst case you may make some money.


Great line! Either she laughs or reaches for her purse. Go for it next time!


"To keep the body in good health is a duty... otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear."
Buddha

Posts: 682 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: southeast
Crescita
♀ 32616
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To then come back and make a move would have been incredibly deliberate and ballsy; there was no other "excuse" for me to reenter that area.

There's nothing wrong with deliberate. Clear interest will get you more feedback than a casual conversation in close proximity where she might just think you are enthusiastic about your ice breaker.


“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3578 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Topic Posts: 43
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