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I'm sitting here in a coffee shop...

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OnceInALifetime posted 6/20/2013 08:45 AM

...trying to get some work done.

There's another woman also trying to get some work done. Three times now, when I've looked up, she was glancing at me, which of course could mean absolutely nothing.

I'm frozen, people. Do I go for it? What the hell do I say?

I've never approached a woman IRL before.

7yrsflushed posted 6/20/2013 08:51 AM

Hope you are still in there.

Say, Good morning, you having any luck getting your work done? If she responds then go with it and say me neither or me too and say you need a break and make a comment about the weather or your drink and see if she responds. If she does go with it. Obviously insert some other topic of discussion if it is better for the situation but the main thing is get up and say something. Even if she isn't interested use it as a learning experience for the next time.

There is no fear, no rejection, just learning for next time.

Later posted 6/20/2013 08:55 AM

Yes, just go and be nice to her. Don't worry about the outcome.

In fact, it might help to think of this as "practice" for the next time. Take the pressure off of yourself.

And, I suggest that you make it a practice to engage all sorts of people that you meet. It will help you overcome anxiety about approaching women.

ETA: I see 7years got his post in before I did, basically same advice.

[This message edited by Later at 8:59 AM, June 20th (Thursday)]

Williesmom posted 6/20/2013 08:55 AM

check first for a wedding ring.

And then, go with it.

Amazonia posted 6/20/2013 08:57 AM

Next time you go for a refill on coffee, ask if you can get her one too!

(If you need the words: "Could you keep an eye on my stuff for a minute? I'm going to grab a refill." then she'll agree, and you can say, "Thanks - can I get you something while I'm up?")

[This message edited by Amazonia at 8:58 AM, June 20th (Thursday)]

OnceInALifetime posted 6/20/2013 09:00 AM

She just packed up and left.

I was too much of a chicken shit. Couldn't muster the nerve.

Later posted 6/20/2013 09:11 AM

That's okay. Don't kick yourself over it -- just recognize that you need to work on.

Like I said above, start interacting with people with whom you have no interest -- that way, when you do see a woman you are interested in, meeting her is not that much different than what you do all the time.

Spirit13 posted 6/20/2013 09:20 AM

Well, there's always "missed connections" in Craigslist!

OnceInALifetime posted 6/20/2013 09:45 AM

So I'm a WiFi bum here in town on days that I work remotely. Now I'm at the town library, and gulp, she's here too! No free seats anywhere near her. She's deep in her work., so to approach her would be pretty damned bold.


Well, one thing's apparent. My desire to date again is waking up.

cmego posted 6/20/2013 10:00 AM

Oh you HAVE to say something to her, Once.

Just a smile and a "I see you are a 'wi-fi' bum too!"

What do you have to lose?

If she is married, she will say something like, "Yeah, my husband is hogging it at home..." so that if there is no ring she is sending the message.

Just yourself...we are routing you on!

brokenfinger posted 6/20/2013 10:08 AM

Go for it!!!

I would totally respond to a guy who approached me like that.

wildbananas posted 6/20/2013 11:23 AM

Dude! I don't know if you're both still there but say something! Even a cheesy "We have to stop meeting like this" would work.

tesla posted 6/20/2013 11:29 AM

Sending icebreaker mojo your way!

asurvivor posted 6/20/2013 11:35 AM

Tell her your homeless and ask for some spare change...worst case you may make some money.

OnceInALifetime posted 6/20/2013 11:49 AM

So I was in the library for about 15 minutes before my daughter met me after school (a half day). Didn't muster up the nerve in that time.

My daughter and I had lunch, then I left her at the apartment and went back to the library to wait for my younger one to get out of school.

I strode into the area where she had been working, with a line at the ready, but she wasn't there.

At the coffee shop, she was on the other side of the lounge and there was another single woman sitting at a table adjacent to her. Besides being nervous as shit, I really didn't want to give this other woman a chopped liver feeling while I flirted with the woman next to her.

When I first entered the library, I went into the area where she was, saw that there were no seats, so sat far away at the other end. To then come back and make a move would have been incredibly deliberate and ballsy; there was no other "excuse" for me to reenter that area.

Boo. Well, if there's a next time maybe I won't be so afraid of the water.

Sorry to disappoint, guys. You can put the popcorn away

Amazonia posted 6/20/2013 12:05 PM

1. Unless the second woman was also making eyes at you, no reason to worry about offending her. Not everyone at the coffee shop is looking to go home wtih someone. No more excuses of that nature.

2. It wouldn't have been unreasonably ballsy to go back to where she was. The very reason would have been to say hi to her. I know that feels really forward and foreign, but she was sending you signals that she was interested. It's okay to accept, acknowledge, and follow up on those.

OnceInALifetime posted 6/20/2013 12:16 PM

she was sending you signals that she was interested

Not so sure. Maybe. Do brief glances my way necessarily mean interest? I hope so, because otherwise I haven't a clue.

Maybe I'll see her around town again... I have a feeling I'm going to be having lots of lattes over the next few days.

little turtle posted 6/20/2013 12:30 PM

Do brief glances my way necessarily mean interest?

You caught her looking your way 3 times. I'm not going to continue looking at someone at a coffee shop if I'm not interested in something about him. Especially not after he sees me looking his way!

I hope you see her again soon and say something to her!!

What would you say to her in a message if you came across her profile online?

clralb posted 6/20/2013 12:41 PM

Tell her your homeless and ask for some spare change...worst case you may make some money.

Great line! Either she laughs or reaches for her purse. Go for it next time!

Crescita posted 6/20/2013 12:49 PM

To then come back and make a move would have been incredibly deliberate and ballsy; there was no other "excuse" for me to reenter that area.

There's nothing wrong with deliberate. Clear interest will get you more feedback than a casual conversation in close proximity where she might just think you are enthusiastic about your ice breaker.

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