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Need my SI friends advice again:-)

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veelop5 posted 6/20/2013 10:09 AM

Ok so about 3 weeks ago I posted about a guy that I met at the beach while on vacation...well we have been talking since day one and we are setting up to meet on July 2nd...He is almost 3 hours away. We get a long great and can easily talk about anything...Here is my issue (one of my many issues lol)...I am going on 11 months separted and now divorce officially 3 months...I feel better than ever and I am ready to start dating, going out with men etc... The distance was a big deal in the beginning because I wasn't sure if I could emotionally deal with a long distance relationship...but I think I would be ok with it now...the issue is that he has 3 small children (not the kid part) and he is still going through things with the, custody etc. they are a year divorced and separated also but he has more to deal with than me...I am just wondering if I am ready to take on his baggage when I am finally somewhat free of mine??? WE really like eachother and are very attracted to eachother...I feel like I am going into protective mode and I don't want to be hurt again...his children are 13, 9 & 5...He is 45 years old. His X cheated and is a piece of work!! Do I want to have to deal with her?????....I don't want to kick myself in the butt for not atleast trying but I know it has been said on here to trust your gut and mine has told me a few times to run...but than my heart strings are pulling me towards him because I been through it and I know how painful it is...He gets sad when he thinks that this may cause us not to see eachother but he is also very understanding about me running if I have too (this came from his mouth not mine)...why does he have to be so wonderful....and don't get me wrong...I have NO problem with the kids it is not their is just that I would have to deal with many years of drama if this went further??? Thanks for listening!

Williesmom posted 6/20/2013 10:26 AM

In this situation, I think the distance may be a good thing.

I was in a similar situation, and it allowed me to be supportive of him, but also maintain perspective.

It will allow you to take things slow and see where it goes without having to worry about the day-to-day.

It will allow him to be a dad without worrying about pleasing a girlfriend all the time.

Just wait to see where it goes - don't second guess it.

veelop5 posted 6/20/2013 10:38 AM

williesmom...I even said to him that maybe he didn't want to mix me in with what he is going through because I didn't want him to feel guilty about not messaging or calling me and he seemed hurt about it...he said that he would make time and does...I am in no hurry but I keep wondering if I want to take the time...and be older trying again....this dating thing is for the birds

Newlease posted 6/20/2013 11:57 AM

If starting over with those kids and the ensuing drama is too much to handle - that is OK.

The great thing about starting over is that you can decide what you want and will deal with and what is not worth it.

You don't have to decide right now, but I think distance is your friend. Are you exclusive? Maybe you should try just casual dating before jumping into a commitment with a LD person who is dealing with a lot of stuff.


veelop5 posted 6/20/2013 12:51 PM

Well the dating opportunity is hard for me working two jobs 6 days a week...I am very interested and yes I would go on a date if someone asked me...I really do like this guy but not to the point where it would break my heart if we didn't last but I don't want to have "what if's"...and I also don't want to fall for him just to find out that the situation is not going to allow us to work later...

better4me posted 6/20/2013 14:15 PM

Sometimes, I live too much in my head with the "what if's"...and not enough in the "now". I'm trying to learn to take things as they come, reserving my right to change my mind at any time, and working on not anticipating all the potential problems before they happen. I'm working at enjoying and appreciating what is right in front of me.

Look how far in the future are you living...

I would have to deal with many years of drama if this went further
Do I want to have to deal with her?????...
None of these things have happened yet...they may not, or they may, but they are not happening now

I understand being protective but most of the times my rejection of the present because of the possible problems in the future, just keeps me stuck rather than actually protected.

Enjoy the now, veelop and look forward to July 2!!

veelop5 posted 6/20/2013 14:46 PM

You are so right and yes I am so excited to see him....I will worry about today....I think that is something we tend to do when we've been hurt so badly...but I have to separate him from what has happened to me...thanks

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