The last 2 weeks have been complete torture and hell.
1. Just had a baby, my whole hospital stay was ruined by WS and MIL(who I have major issues with) wanting to come as if she was entitled to be there. Told WS she didnt care how i was feeling after c-section she was coming to see the baby not me. Brought 4 other extended fam with her. Caused huge fall out of me and WS.
2. My own NPD moms bullshit. Calling me in hospital to argue about religion and how stupid I am for what I named another child. Making me cry which hurt terribly with stitches in my stomach.Inviting me over to her house for help but ends up not helping or speaking to me because she kept starting arguments and I deflected all her manipulative traits and acts which piss her off more. From day 5 after having c section I have been basically taking care of myself and 4 kids alone. Cleaning cooking grocery shopping etc
3. 1st anniversary of D-day just passed. I tried to ignore it and focus on my life and all that I have going on. Its harder than I ever have imagined . All thoughts that i thought I was past regarding A and OW have resurfaced times 10 and Im drowning in triggers. I feel like i cant deal with this emotional overload.
4.I get on here to post. I want to comfort others and also post my own situations and i cant do it. I break down everytime I click to post something even if its pertaining to anothers situation. I want to share and support others, I want to give hugs and let others know they are not alone,i want advice and help for my own situations but im afraid this place has become a trigger for me as well. I dont know why or how?
This is the first time since first months after Dday Ive been so worked up about it. Maybe im hormonal but is this what Dday anniversary will be like every year? Cause I have another one that will be happening from him breaking NC and me going through a false R.
A year out I believe its hard to sit back and realize that none of the things he promised have came to fruition. REalizing that he had a whole year to fix this and its still not shit. I thought I couldnt forgive the first A. but I realize that I could have if he would have been a remorseful loving selfless man taking full advantage of the opportunity bestowed upon him. But instead he has made this the most horrific year of my life.
My kids are my angels.They are my only happiness and keeping them protected happy and taking care of is the only thing that keeps me going. Thank god for the little people.
Sorry about the rambling.I had to get it out all out b4 i become to triggered or emotional again.