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Newest Member: Pollybr (61080)

User Topic: "sorry"magical words
♀ 34713
Member # 34713
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He never apologizes, ever!! We had an argument and he breaks my cell, my glasses and the cologn I bought him for fathers day. UGHHHHH. we talk about it calmer the next day and he says "he was mad: and that excuses it. I deserve an IM SORRY. I ask him now five days later. I cannot enjoy my birthday party this weekend unless I get my fewelings acknowledge. All I get is. YOU NEVER STOP! uggghhhhh

Treat others as you want to be treated

Posts: 296 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Texas
♀ 38119
Member # 38119
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Acting out in a physical and violent manner is NOT okay!

I would plan to separate from him unless he agrees and takes anger management classes.

Married 6/16/01
10/25/11- trouble in the air
DDay 11/15/11 -she's "just a friend" co-worker
1/18/12 - continued contact - kicked WH out of house
1/29/12 WH admitted to PA
3/7/12 NC letter sent
Working on recovery

Posts: 41 | Registered: Jan 2013
♀ 12802
Member # 12802
Default  Posted: 2:15 PM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

inside voice: break his computer, key his car, cut up his clothes, wait two months then say..... "I was mad"

outside voice: 180 his ass. let him know that his outbursts are not acceptable and until he is willing to address the issue and figure out how to deal with his anger, you will be reevaluating your relationship with him.

taking time to decompress after/during an argument is healthy. breaking things, not acknowledging your feelings and pouting is not.

Kids on the playground can be so cruel. “Get off the swings you’re like 50, and stop talking about Soundgarden, we don't even know what that is."

Posts: 14938 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
♀ 39214
Member # 39214
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

well i dont think its a run for cover kind of thing. i mean i throw things too granted im not saying its a way to handle a situation but im in no way trying to hurt anyone i have done this at my tipping point where screaming , talking wasnt enough ....i just broke frames or whatever( i had to clean it later lol) i get why your upset though there are better way to communicate and he hasnt explored that it looks like.....all WS have that same issue. my WH has tried to break my phone ...and i indulged it by breaking his my phone came out alive his not so lucky i got a pretty good arm .....

i think maybe writing a letter on your feelings my help then give it to him it might be better for him because he wont be so guarded he can read it in a guarded place alone what have you....WH does this sometimes when he can talk face to face *note this is not to replace physical form of communication but sometimes it helps to get it all out that why you go uninterrupted

[This message edited by huRtZ413 at 2:18 PM, June 20th (Thursday)]



Posts: 278 | Registered: May 2013
♀ 34181
Member # 34181
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh man - this whole thing is hard enough with a WH who is remorseful, who apologies, and who acts decently. I don't think I'd be able to take it if he acted like you are describing. Warning bells in my head...


The grief within me has its own heartbeat. It has its own life, its own song. Part of me wants to resist the rhythms of my grief, yet as I surrender to the song, I learn to listen deep within myself-Alan Wolfelt

Posts: 500 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Upstate New York
♀ 38398
Member # 38398
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gently, breaking things (doesn't matter they were technically "his") is abuse. Take care of yourself.

Me: BS, 40 yrs
Him: WS, 41 yrs (4 PA over 14 yrs, 2 ONS, 2 current PA of 3 months and 2 yrs)
Two small children
Married 17 years
D-day: 1/26/13

Posts: 111 | Registered: Feb 2013
♀ 26893
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Breaking things is an implied threat. Also, that usually gets worse. My XH didn't actually hit me until we'd been together 11 years (married 2) but it DID eventually happen. Just my two cents based on personal experience.

BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
Topic Posts: 7

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